Chapter 4 Nox's POV

"You're a fool," Cyan growls in my head for the hundredth time this morning. "A gods-damned fool, Nox."

I press the heel of my palm to my temple. The pain is back-sharp, stabbing, bone-deep. It comes in waves, a pulsing torment that doesn't relent.

My heart feels like it's being wrung out by unseen hands, and every breath feels like I'm inhaling shards of glass.

"You rejected our mate," Cyan snarls. "The one we waited seven years for. Sweet, innocent Tamsin."

"Enough," I snap aloud before I can stop myself. My voice echoes in the stillness of my office, curt and cold.

Zara looks up from her place beside me on the leather couch, her fingers gently combing through my hair.

"Headache again?" she asks, her voice low, sultry, threaded with concern.

I nod and close my eyes, leaning into her touch like muscle memory. She always knows how to soothe me.

Or used to, at least.

Now, every stroke of her fingers across my scalp feels foreign. Like silk covering old scars-it's soft, it's warm, but it doesn't reach me.

"You're doing too much," she whispers, lips brushing against my temple. "You need to rest. Let the Beta handle the rogue patrols."

I grunt. "I'm fine."

"You're not," Cyan snaps again. "We feel like death, and it's your own damn fault."

The pain spikes.

I grit my teeth, trying to keep the groan from slipping out. Zara shifts closer, looping her arms around my neck.

Her perfume swirls around me-spiced honey and rose. I used to love that scent. Now it makes my stomach turn.

All I can see is Tamsin's face when I said the words.

"I reject you as my mate."

Her eyes-big, golden, stunned. And then... shattered.

Cyan howls inside me, twisting like he wants to claw his way out of my skin.

"You saw her. You saw the pain. And you still said it. You coward."

"I did what I had to," I mutter under my breath, barely aware I've said it out loud until Zara pulls back.

"What was that?" she asks.

I shake my head, forcing a tight smile. "Nothing, my love."

She watches me, her gaze keen and unreadable. Elegant in her pressed white dress, with her long black curls pinned into an intricate bun.

Every movement of hers is deliberate, graceful, controlled. She's always been composed. Regal, even. She'll make a perfect Luna.

She's the right choice.

She's not Tamsin.

"I talked to your mother this morning," she says, running a fingertip along my jawline. "She's relieved you made the announcement. She said she hasn't seen you sleep in days, though."

"Because I haven't," I admit, exhaling slowly.

Cyan paces inside me, bristling. "You can't sleep because you're in pain. Because you're hurting her. You left our mate to suffer alone, while you hide behind your mother's fears."

"Don't," I whisper to him. "I made my choice. I won't second-guess it."

But the truth is-I already am. Maybe it's the pain, but I'm second guessing every moment of my choice.

The night I told my mother about Tamsin, I expected her to be excited. Elated, even. But the moment I said Tamsin's name, her face paled like I'd told her I was dying.

"She's an Omega," my mother had said, eyes wide, voice shaking. "Just like your grandmother. Just like me. Your father... your grandfather... they both died young, Nox. You know what happened. You know what I told."

I remember her grabbing my hands, pleading. "It's a curse, sweetheart. Alphas weren't meant to mate with Omegas. The bond kills them. You're my only pup. You know your father died before we could have another. I can't lose you."

I didn't want to believe it. But fear... fear is a powerful motivator.

And then there was Zara-my first everything, my constant for the last three years. We'd always planned to mate when it was obvious we both didn't have a fated mate. I loved her, didn't I?

Didn't I?

Zara cups my cheek now, drawing my attention back to her. "You're tense again," she murmurs.

"I'm just tired."

Her lips graze mine, soft and practiced. I kiss her back because it's what I'm supposed to do. Because she's my mate now-by my choosing.

But the kiss tastes like ash.

When she pulls back, her smile falters. "You're not... here with me."

I stand, pacing to the window behind my desk. The sun's high now, but the warmth doesn't reach me. My body feels hollow. Every time I inhale, I smell strawberries and the faint scent of dish soap-Tamsin's scent.

I feel the phantom weight of her hand in mine. I hear her soft laughter, the one time she'd brought fresh bread to the training field and one of the enforcers had teased her about burning it.

Her cheeks had flushed pink, but she smiled anyway.

Cyan is at the edge again, snarling. "She was everything. She was perfect. You threw her away."

"She's just... a girl," I whisper, pressing my fingers into the windowsill.

"No," Cyan growls. "She was ours."

Zara's arms slip around my waist from behind, her head resting against my back. "You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"

I stiffen.

She's silent for a long moment, then says softly, "I'm not stupid, Nox. I know it wasn't easy. But you chose me. I'm your Luna. I'll make you forget her."

I nod slowly, though every cell in my body screams that I never will.

Suddenly, a fresh jolt of pain rips through my chest. I stumble forward, barely catching myself on the windowsill.

"Nox!" Zara cries, rushing to my side.

"I'm fine," I gasp. "It's nothing."

"It's her," Cyan snarls, grief thick in his voice. "She's hurting. She's really hurting."

The severed bond-it's more than pain. It's punishment. Every time I think of her, it pulls tighter, like a noose around my soul.

I pull away from the window and sink into my chair, holding my head in my hands. Zara kneels in front of me, placing her hand on my chest.

"You'll feel better soon," she promises. "This will pass."

But it doesn't feel like it.

Because every time I close my eyes, all I see is Tamsin's golden eyes swimming with tears. And every time I breathe, I wonder if the part of me that feels dead now... died because of the rejection.

Most important of all, I wonder if this curse my mother speaks of is true, or just a coincidence.

Then, I've thrown away my destiny for just a mere coincidence?