Chapter 3 The Present

Abigail's Point Of View.

When I opened my eyes, I was staring at a white ceiling. It looked nothing like my bedroom, I immediately sat up, and my head thudded at the sudden movement. It seemed as though my eyes were swimming around my head. They stung. They stung really badly. I released my eyes from my hands and saw Arty and Jacob making their way hastily to the bed. I looked down at my feet. My sneakers were no longer on, but my scrubs were. Thankfully. Arty made her way first, sitting at the edge. She helped me sit up.

"Was it the panic attack? Do you usually have episodes like this?" She asked and I frowned, trying to make sense of what was happening. Episodes? The only episodes that were in my life were that of my favorite TV show.

"Huh?" That was all I could utter.

She frowned. "You fainted today. Do you even remember that?" She asked and Jacob placed a hand over hers.

"Take it easy. Maybe she doesn't remember." He whispered as though I was not there and hearing him perfectly.

"I can hear you, you know. And I perfectly remember everything that happened, even though I wish I didn't." Oh, I had been so worried about making a fool of myself on my first day. One glance at him, I do just that. Him. What was he doing there? Here?! I gripped the sheets so hard, I could feel my fingertips biting my palms in retaliation.

"Are you having another one?" Arty asked, pulling me out of the trance... No... More like a shock. She looked concerned. They both did and my heart warmed at it. I shook my head.

"No. I don't usually have it. I was not born with it, the panic stuff."

"You mean the episodes?" Jacob chuckled.

I frowned at him. Not because he laughed. "I think episodes make it sound a little more serious than it actually is."

"Wait, you don't think this is serious?" Arty asked, her eyes were squinted and her head tilted. "You're a doctor, Abigail. You're about to be a real one anyway, you're going to be seeing some things that may throw you off. And if the patient is having a panic attack and the doctor is having one, well we will have one big panic party. And those are no good. In fact, they're bad. Really bad. They usually lead to something uneventful."

"Was it your intention to scare me with that story? Because if your answer is yes, then congratulations. I think you've succeeded."

She sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to. But hey if you passed through medical school, which I know you did, how did you pass their scrutiny with panic episodes?" Well, the cause of it was not there and neither were my parents. There was nothing to scare me into one. I wasn't ready to talk about Jack to anyone. If he was a supervisor, then it had to be illegal to talk about. It happened a long time ago, yes. I know. But it still happened and besides, he could have been married, who knew. I felt a familiar twist of pain in my heart at the thought of that. I had absolutely no right. He didn't owe me anything. And even if he did, he didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know anything at all about the past.

"I don't know. I guess it's some kind of miracle. They stopped a few months before I headed to school. I didn't see them as serious then, but it started again. But I'm going to be okay. I'm just... I've been under much pressure today. I assure you there is nothing wrong with it. I just hope that it won't affect anything with my internship."

She sighed. "It wouldn't. I hope it won't. Can we look at the bright side?"

"There's a bright side? What is that?"

"Well, everyone held their eyes at this speech that the lady was going to be giving and then you come and everything gets called off till further notice. That is until you're feeling better. You are kind of a celebrity."

She said and I chuckled. So did Jacob. "I would hate to call what happened something fortunate enough to get me a good name. I'm going to be remembered as the nervous freak."

"Stop being so mean to yourself. Good things are most likely found in things that are really bad."

She said and I chuckled. "You always have something encouraging to say."

"Hey, that's me."

"Thank you guys for being here, seriously. I don't know why I fell, or why I fainted specifically-"

"It's stress." A deep baritone voice called from behind the curtain and I jumped. After intently gazing at the curtain for a while, I stared around the room, just to be sure I wasn't dealing with a ghost situation here. Arty's hand, once again, covered mine.

"It's okay. It's okay. Nothing is going on, it's just the doctor."

"Wait a minute someone has been there? And you guys didn't tell me? You guys didn't wait to have this conversation somewhere else?"

"Well, we were just talking. It's not like we were saying something crazy or stupid about anyone. Just a couple of friends worrying about their girl." She shrugged.

Couple friends? Wait, what? I rolled my eyes. "Still."

I had no idea my whispers had grown loud, Jacob was kind enough to tap my shoulders and then mouth the words to me: You're being a bit loud, he can definitely still hear you.

I immediately sat up straight when I heard him entering the room, my heart was hammering again.

The blue curtains opened and revealed Jack. Oh, boy, had he grown. He had a mustache. He once despised the face hair, now he proudly wore one. His hair was still as blonde as ever, just a little shade deeper. His shoulders were broader than the last time I'd seen him on Facebook. I had stopped stalking him, it only hurt me. It only hurt my relationship with my family...

"It has to be stress." He said again, snapping me back into reality.

"What? Uh? What... What stress?" I tried to understand. It wasn't working. Urgh!

"You remember you fainted right?" Arty asked again, her eyes squinted. Why did she keep asking that? And why did this one have to be in front of him?

I glared at her. Hard. "Yes, I'm well aware, Arty."

"Well, he said the reason you fainted was because you were stressed out."

I glanced up and found him peering over me. I immediately glanced back down. "Oh, okay. That makes sense." We both knew it was not stress. He had to know. His face wore no emotions and his left foot tapped continuously at the floor. He was anxious but was doing a pretty great job of hiding it.

The silence that followed was excruciating, and with each second, I couldn't wait to get out of that room. But I knew I had to talk to Jack. I had to say something to him. I was not going to play the game of not knowing who he was. He was the first friend I ever had, the first lips I ever kissed, the first heart I ever loved. I've only loved. I refuse to throw all that away. I stared up. Help me say something, Lord. Please, anything at all. Something okay. Something good.

"Can I-"

"Can we-" we both spoke at the same time. Then stared at each other for a while. He looked away first, then I did. Oh, this was so awkward. So, so, so awkward.

"What is it? What did you want to say?" Jack asked and I shook my head.

"No, you go first."

"You can really go first." He said again.

"Please, Jack..." I immediately regretted that. Jack's expression remained unmoved. Arty and Jacob, on the other hand, looked very confused. They shared a glance and then gawked at us. Jack opened his mouth and then closed it again. The intensity of their stares probably shut him up. He turned back to them and then me and then, them, again. It was excruciating to watch. "I mean sir Heartland." Sir Heartland? What was I thinking?

"You guys are her friends, huh?" He asked and they both nodded.

"That's us, the friends." Arty chuckled weirdly. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. How very 'smooth' of her.

"Can we have the room to ourselves, please?" He said and my heart raced all over again. Arty glanced at me in concern and then her eyes went back to Jack. Jacob looked like he couldn't wait to get out of there. I wanted to laugh but I was too scared and my head stung, and my eyes too. I knew he was concerned, he was here after all, he was just a little bit tensed. And probably swimming in gratitude for what my fainting caused. A distraction good enough to get eyes off him and unto me. Classic Jacob.

"Is she going to be okay? It's nothing so serious, is it?"

"No, absolutely, she will be fine. I just... I think I need a little bit of time with her." He said. He must have realized how weird that sounded and rushed to correct himself. "She is my patient after all, it is kind of my job to care for her, right?"

Arty paused and nodded. "Sure, doctor... Heartland?"

"Yes." With one more glance at me, they made their way to the door. I wanted to scream at them to come and take me with them. It had been long, so long we had been alone together. And the last time had to be the worst day of my life.

"Um... Hi." I said and he chuckled softly. Humorlessly. Which only added to my agony. Speak already! Don't laugh. Talk. If you hate me, say so. I knew there was a big change that he despised me. In fact, after everything that happened, he had to.

He stared at me for a while and then finally, "Your sugar level is low." Wait. That was it? That was all I got? Touché. I searched my head quickly for something to say.

"Um... Okay."

"I'm talking really low. It's almost as though you have not been eating for days." He said and looked away, shoving his fist into his pocket.

I scoffed and sat up more, ignoring my head and longing to lighten the mood. "Coffee and iced tea don't count as food?"

He stared at me like I had lost my mind. I knew. I understood him well, I had been wondering the same thing for a while now. I had a lot to do and sitting down one place to eat was a luxury I could not afford anymore. I was dealing more with grab on the go and coffee and iced tea were my best option. It was quick. That piece of information wasn't pleasing to Mr doctor here obviously.

"I'm not joking. And since you're obviously not hearing it from anyone else, I am going to be the one to break it to you. You're being irresponsible. As a doctor, you know some things are simply foolish to do." I didn't know why that surprised me, but it did. I didn't know what to say back to that, other than just stare. Jack was my longest friend and I had never, ever heard him speak like that. Maybe that was his doctor's voice. But... Whatever happened to that seven-year-old sweetheart she'd met under the table? What happened to him?

If he was my doctor, then he deserved an explanation. "I've just a lot to do and eating just seems to be a luxury that I can't afford. At least for now. Till I settle in and get my right foot on the floor, all set."

"That is until you faint again. There's no luxury for that here either."

He sounded... Different. Cold. I knew why. I just saw myself still letting it all sink in quietly. "Doctors fall sick, don't they? Or does that make us less of a physician?"

He shook his head. "They fall sick unexpectedly, they don't beg for it to come. You're being careless and as one of the supervisors here I'm telling you how crazy it is."

"Is this your way of showing me that you care?"

That seemed to surprise him. It left him speechless. He stared at me for a while, then at the floor. When he glanced up again, I saw a little bit of the person I knew.

"What are you doing here, Abigail?" Okay, that was quite not what I was expecting but hey, at least he was finally speaking.

"I'm here to learn, to be something that I have always wanted to be, and then give my services to people that need it."

He stared on. "And you couldn't go anywhere else. You had to come here? I thought your dad was renowned and all that stuff?"

He had to go there. He had to poke that wound. "That's not fair, Jack."

"Really? It's not? You know what I think is not fair? You slamming the door on my face all those years back and then you just get to waltz back in. As it is Abigail Espérer, I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear you talk. I don't want to look at you do anything because you just turn everything in my life upside down."

What was I supposed to say to that? I searched but no words came. The only thing that I felt coming was tears. I inhaled deeply, trying so hard to push the tears back in. That helped. They didn't fall. "Okay."

He shut his eyes tightly for a while. "I'm sorry. That was..." He paused. "Unprofessional."

I nodded. "It's fine, you are my supervisor anyway. Anything goes, right?" I swung my legs to the left side of the bed and ignored the headache that the sudden movement caused.

"You need to stay back in bed."

"I can assure you, sir, that I feel absolutely fine to be out of bed and walk freely. I am a doctor after all." I tried to walk past him but he grabbed my hand. That felt familiar. My hand in his. Under the stars, he held it. Running across the Field, he held it.

He immediately released it and cleared his throat. "Sorry."

But we still stood close to each other. Somehow, magically, I couldn't feel the headache anymore. His eyes moved back to the bracelet on my wrist. "You still wear it?"

"I promised never to take it out, didn't I?" My voice was now quiet. He looked back up at me with a pained expression and stepped closer. And closer. His hands started making their way to my cheeks, but the footsteps that approached made him withdraw.