Chapter 4 FALLING WITHOUT A HAND TO HOLD

Finally, the deed was done. Her marital vows with Edward had finally come to an end. It was ten years of torture, pain, experiencing nightmares and living each day as a ghost people could see. But she was even sure people stopped seeing her at some point.

"Till death do them part? No. "It definitely was until some paperwork did its part", Jennifer snorted and sunk deep into her bed. She had lost count of how many times she sighed. She felt like some burden had been lifted off her chest indeed. She was glad she didn't have to go about with the stigma of a broken and abandoned wife. The worst was yet to come. She knew that. But she was still grateful that she wasn't tied to that marriage and the Bliss family anymore.

For all she cared, this was a time to live like she had never done before. She made up her mind not to be controlled by Edward and his family, especially after finding out about his marriage to one of the young women he had always brought to the house. Jennifer knew she was more advanced in age compared to the lady Edward was married to. She proceeded to block him on every social media account that she had access to.

Exactly one week after the divorce papers were served her at her front door, Jennifer packed her things and booked a flight to return to her home in South Africa. On the flight back home, the feeling of nostalgia kicked in. While her ride drove her to the house she had spent all her life before meeting Edward, she opened her eyes to look around. Her eyes had been closed while she was trying to relive her happy childhood moments in her head.

"Stop please" she pleaded with the driver as he sped past Magic Garden, her favorite park she loved to visit back then with her dad. The park was empty because it was drizzling and thunderstorms were heard from afar, which meant it was about to rain. She came down from the car and quietly walked into the park, tears welling up in her eyes. The images in her head were playing live in her head now.

She walked round the swing, her favorite spot in which her parents took turns pushing her. She walked to the candy bar shade she had loved to sit in. This particular spot held very sad memories for her because the last time she went with her dad was the last she ever came to the park before now. That day she was sad that her dad was going on one of his long business trips.

She had begged him not to go this time around, unlike before, when she looked forward to trips like that, when he would return with more comic books, anime and sci-fi that she loved to read those days. Her father had brought her to the park that night to appease her into letting him travel without her feeling unhappy. But, of course, she was right to have thrown tantrums that night because her dad went on that trip but never came back. News came to her mother that evening while she, Jennifer, sat reading one of the comic books that her husband had died in a plane crash.

Remembering all this, Jennifer broke down in tears now. It is raining heavily now too. She hadn't noticed when the chauffeur had walked up to her with an umbrella. Her legs felt too heavy for her to stand, so she just sat helplessly on the floor until the driver lifted her from the wet grass to the car and drove her to her house. On entering the house, the memories flooded her mind and she started another round of sobs. This time, she shed tears about her disrupted childhood, which caused her to act differently from other girls her age and also her divorce from Edward.

The following morning, she woke up with a splitting headache from crying all night. She touched her forehead and her neck to feel her temperature and could fry an egg comfortably. She had obviously got a cold from sitting out in the rain and crying. She had cried so hard that she didn't know when she slept off. And now she was left with a signature gift from the headache.

After dragging herself off the bed, she walked carefully to the kitchen to prepare a peppermint and ginger tea. She saw her mother causing headaches. She smiled as she brought the cup of tea to her nostrils and inhaled the familiar scent. She went out to the balcony and stood with the cup of tea and inhaled deeply the air that smelled of damp soil from the rain of the previous evening, with insects in the air humming and filling the quiet space between her thoughts.

She stooped over to feel the sand in the flower pots that her mother loved to plant the flowers she came back with from the park as a kid. Running her fingers through the dry sand, feeling its warmth, a relief flowed through her and made her shiver. She sat there until she felt like a new human again.

She got up the next morning with a start. Dusting up and cleaning every part of the house, from the kitchen, to the rooms to the garage. She had had enough of dwelling in her past. Edward was her past. Her childhood was her past. But she had a life which wasn't her past just yet, so that meant she had to get back to work. She was a renowned engineer with or without Edward, and she had to fight to make that a reality. After all, her therapist back in America encouraged her to engage in clean-up activities physically to help her unwind mentally too.

For the next few months, after returning to South Africa, Jennifer got enrolled to do menial jobs managing her financial state. She promised herself to take it one step at a time...