Chapter 6 What's really happening

Chapter 6

Freda

Hiccupped, my cheeks so wet with tears I didn't even bother wiping them. I was usually perfectly stoic – at least on the outside during the harder days – but today had been an extra pain in the ass.

I shut my eyes as another sob wrecked through me, my hands holding onto the steering wheel for support. My back ached from hunching over as I wiped my tears, getting snot on my fingers.

Get a grip, Freda.

But it was not to be since a high-pitched keen akin to a dying cat radiated from my mouth, almost without my control.

I heard the car door open. Trenchclimbed into the car and sat down, her eyes reading my face in an instant. I looked away from her, not wanting to talk about it just yet. Thankfully, she didn't ask questions. She turned on the radio and let generic pop songs fill the car.

My silent sobs refused to abate, although they did slow down in their frequency. I was inexpressibly grateful of the silence my best friend maintained. I felt even more emotional seeing her face. Where the hell would I be without her?

We drove in silence for almost fifteen minutes, while Trenchgave me no interaction other than a pat on the back and a bottle of water. I don't know how, but eventually the song from Dirty Dancing was blaring from the radio, and she and I were singing along, my sobs having subsided without me noticing. Trenchhad always had this way of cheering me up without doing anything at all.

We were both singing aloud now, Trench smiling approvingly as I raised my head up, ignoring the fact that I probably had a bird's nest on one side of my head.

"And I owe it all to you!" we finished, ridiculously off tune. I chuckled as she lowered the volume, looking at me kindly.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" she asked.

I sniffed. "Drake came by my office today."

Her eyes widened, "Oh no-"

"He made a huge scene." I fixed my tired eyes on the road. "He was yelling about how he had rights and could prove his claim..."

"Oh, honey-"

"And, he made such a terrible ruckus, Mr Lee had to call the cops-"

" Oh, honey-"

"And, Tessy yelled at me for talking to him without my lawyer there."

"You didn't ask him to come, though."

"Exactly!" I yelled, feeling enraged. "He just shows up, destroys things, and leaves! Like a fucking bulldozer."

"God, I hate that guy," Trench Cursed under her breath. "Why don't you take a restraining order against him?"

I sighed as we pulled up in front of Bennett Hail Elementary school. My eyes scoured the crowd for a familiar flash of white blonde. "You know I can't do that right now. Not with the custody battle going on."

"It's not even his kid!" Her exasperation made me feel so much better.

"I was already in such a shitty mood in the morning," I commented.

"Don't start with the first day at school thing again-"

"Hey, it's her first day of school. I had separation anxiety."

Trench Laughed, shaking her head.

Ah, finally, I thought as I saw the tiny white blonde head of curls surfing through the crowd of toddlers. Even from a distance, when she looked up at me, it was plain to see she had Ken's eyes: the same shade of light green. I felt a smile rise to my face as she smirked at me, a familiar dimple cropping up in her right cheek. I had to sigh. Thea Seely was a dead ringer for the man who gave me a lifelong commitment, instead of an orgasm on our one-night stand.

Thea bounced toward us in her sky blue dress, her hair shining around her like a halo. "Baby!" I squealed, rushing over to her and grabbing her in a tight hug. Her hair smelled like freshly-crushed pine needles. "Oh, I missed you so much today."

"I missed you, too, Mommy!" she said, knotting her hands behind my neck and reaching up to kiss my cheek. I gently lifted her off the floor and opened my car door, settling her down into the car seat.

"How was your first day at school, girl?" Trench Asked her from the front.

"It was amazing. We colored, and we ate lunch," she regaled with wide eyes.

"Oooh, did you see any cute boys?" Trench Asked her conspiratorially. I rolled my eyes, starting the car.

"Ewww!" I heard Thea exclaim shrilly. "Boys are gross."

"Why, honey?" I asked her, tossing a glance into the rearview mirror.

"I saw Adam Fincher digging his nose and then putting his booger in his mouth."

"That's nasty," Trench Deadpanned. "But you know, kids do that."

"I'm a kid," she retorted, shrugging. "I don't do that."

"Where do you put your boogers then?" Trench Asked her.

"Under the couch," she said confidently. "Or the bed."

"What?" I asked. Was there an array of child boogers under my furniture?

Apparently, yes. Thea looked sheepish and chose not to respond, giggling with Trench Behind my back. The vibe the two really had going on was heartening to see. Trench Was really like a second mother to my baby, and they had become fast friends as soon as They began talking.

"Where are we going, Mom?" she asked me.

"We're going to the superstore, honey. We need to buy some groceries for Ingrid's party tonight."

"Ingrid, can I come to your party?" she asked, making her eyes large – a trick that had helped her score more chocolate this Halloween than ever before.

"Oh, it's a grown up party, honey," Trench Said as our car rolled into the parking lot. "It'll be really boring."

"Mom was so excited about it on the phone yesterday."

"You have to stop listening in on my conversations," I told her as we entered the superstore.

Massive department stores always elicited the same, specific reaction from Thea. Her eyes would widen incomprehensibly and her mouth would open in a gasp.

"Oh my gosh. So. Much. Stuff," she growled, launching herself straight toward the bouncy castle on the side where about fifty kids ran around, surrounded by their bored, watchful guardians.

"I got this," Trench Said, charging after Thea before she could get lost in the crowd. I was more than happy letting her go after Thea – no one liked bounce houses more than Ingrid. She actually enjoyed herself there, rather than just staring into empty space standing nearby. I fished out the list she had texted me before we met and headed toward the aisle containing the snacks. Ingrid's parties did tend to be ragers, and if I was going to get hammered, I was going to need some munchies.

One by one, I checked items off the list, throwing them into my cart and advancing forward. I was kind of enjoying myself – there were just so many things to buy here! Every kind of chocolate bar, a wide variety of flavored peanuts and potato chips, and a long row dedicated entirely to nacho dips.

I was picking up some mustard off the shelf when I felt my foot hit something hard. I glanced to see my foot dislodge one can of tuna, over which seven tiers of a tuna tower rested. I watched with horror as the cans tumbled to the ground, the ones that fell from the largest height smashing against the ground, leaking tuna onto the floor.

"Fuck me!" I said, disgruntled. I bent over and began to shove the cans out of the center of the aisle. Sticky tuna globbed onto my fingers as I moved the mess, and I stuck my tongue out. Disgusting.

I raised my fingers and began to wipe them off on a nearby pole. I scoured the area around me to see how many people had seen me fuck up. My eyes did a circle before finally landing on a curiously familiar green pair. I blinked, feeling a lump of lead lodge itself in the bottom of my stomach as I realized who I was looking at. My eyes widened as I slowly stood up, breathing heavily.

Ken Forester smiled at me, the dimple on his right cheek making an appearance. The expression reminded me so much of Thea, I had to grasp the pillar next to me for support.

"Um, Freda?" Ken asked, a hint of concern in his voice. At this point, an enormous wave of guilt crashed onto me, so trapping, I thought I would pass out.

Why had I never told Ken about Thea?

Hundreds of explanations forced themselves into my mind in an instant, but my guilt overshadowed them all. Now that I looked him in the face, all the reasons for not telling him that seemed totally legit before, now felt painfully hollow. What is he doing back in town? I wondered.

"Are you alright?" he asked me again.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. Finally, words! "I'm just...so surprised to see you!" Of course, he would return. His mother and his sister lived here, and he was from here. Of course, he would come back to visit. I bit my lip, wondering how long he was in town for.

"You...uh, you look good," he said, smiling politely.

I highly doubted that. I patted my unruly hair down with a palm, wishing I had been dressed in a more flattering manner. Ken looked as delicious as I remembered, but on closer inspection, I saw deep lines under his eyes and a tired hunch in his back. He leaned against the aisle tiredly, as I asked, "How come you're in town?"

"Oh, I had to come back for Amalia...." He trailed off.

"Oh...I see," I said, picturing Amalia Forester's sweet, childish face in my head. She'd been diagnosed with cancer a few days ago. No wonder he looked so drawn and tired! "I'm so sorry, Ken." I walked over to him, wrapping him in a hug. He seemed to freeze for a second as if he hadn't expected that. To be honest, I hadn't, either. But I just felt so bad. I had this urge to hold him and tell him it was going to be alright.

I'm sorry your sister has cancer. And, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about your baby's existence.

I bit my lip. That probably wouldn't work. After about a second into the hug, Ken seemed to relax as he wrapped one arm around my waist, squeezing me slightly. I gingerly put my right palm on his back and felt his warm muscles flex underneath my fingers. He smells so good, I thought, feeling almost woozy.

Slowly, I pulled out of the hug, and maybe it was just my imagination, but he didn't seem that eager to let me go. I smiled up at him, trying to maintain equanimity.

"MOM!" I heard Thea shout from three aisles over.

Shit. I shifted on my feet nervously. I had to get out of here before Ken saw Thea. Maybe there was a time when I had to tell him about her, but it wasn't now.

"Is that your-" he began, scrutinizing my expression.

"Um, I gotta go." I told him. "It was so nice to see you, Ken."

I quickly spun around and walked away, clutching my purse, just to have something to squeeze. Was he watching me leave? Had he already walked away? Did he know I had a daughter? Did he suspect it was his?

"Goodbye," I heard his voice call as I turned the corner. I had to clutch at my chest.

"There you are!" Trench Said as she spotted me leaning against the refrigerator. I opened the door and leaned my head inside to let the cool air waft across my sweaty face.

"Uh, oh..." she mumbled. "What happened?"

"Ken is in town," I said shakily.

"So?"

"So, he's here," I hissed at her, pointing at the aisle I had just come from. Her eyes widened as she comprehended my dilemma.

"Oh crap. Okay..." she said, nodding. "Let's get Thea and get out of here."

I nodded thankfully, grabbing her hand as we walked over to Thea. She was leaning over a giant crate full of ice cream, longing clear in her green eyes.

"We already had today's quota of junk," I told her, yanking her away from the ice cream display.

"Not fair!" she complained, dragging her feet behind.

"Come on, honey," I pleaded, "We gotta go."

"But we didn't go shopping!" she protested, and rightly so. More than half of our list was left unattended. But there were other, more pressing matters to be concerned about.

"Well...you can order in tonight," I told her.

Her eyes widened as she quickened her pace. "Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Can I get pasta?"

"Definitely," I promised her, tugging lightly at her cheek. Everything that I had done, I had done for her, and that knowledge was the only thing that kept my guilt from pinning my heart down to the ground. From the minute I found out I was pregnant, everyone else had become secondary.

Drake and I had still been in the throes of our breakup right before I found out. He kept trying to call me and visit me, keeping a suspiciously calm demeanor throughout the entire chase. But that was all it was: a chase. And only during a "chase" could Drake act like a sensible person, trying to be calm and charming with flippant jokes and crooked smiles. It almost fooled me. Almost.

The pregnancy test had jolted me right out of my mind. I was no longer in a cycle of self destruction because Thea broke the cycle: I needed to be in the right state to take care of her. She needed that.

She deserved that.

And, that state of the world no longer included Drake for me.

He didn't take it well. He couldn't fathom my newfound resolve and determination to get him out of my life. I'd called the movers for him and began getting his stuff packed. It also comforted me to have the moving guys around when I broke it to Tyler. I knew his calm, cool attitude was bound to break, and having witnesses around was a huge relief.

Not that it mattered to Tyler. He got frustrated when his arguments got him nowhere, finally peeking out from behind his mask. Losing his temper, he had charged at me, uncaring about the people watching. I had remembered the sheer terror I felt in that instant – but it wasn't for me.

"Stop! I'm pregnant!" I remembered shrieking, jumping away from him. His face froze in shock as he continued lunging for me, his mind not having processed my statement fully. The moving guys were fast on their feet, and a second later, Drake was being wrestled back by three men. His eyes were wide and strangely, he was not trying to fight back.

I knew why.

Drake wasn't a total idiot. When his brain finally processed that I was pregnant and that he and I hadn't had sex in months, he knew there was no way the baby could be his. That had to be a defining moment for him. He had to know in that instant, that we truly were over.

Apparently not. Because two days later, I received a petition for custody and support of minor children from Drake Dunst.

"Mommy are you alright?" Thea asked me, jerking me out of my reverie.

"Oh yes, I'm just a little tired," I replied. "Don't you worry about it."

Behind her, I saw Ken Forrester's chiseled form. The guilt returned as I imagined his expression if he found out the truth.

"Let's get going," I said, putting Thea in her car seat. I walked around the car to get into my seat and my eyes met Ken's across the lot. He smiled at me and gave me a short wave. I gave him a tight smile and got into the car, feeling my guilt multiply. I could see him watching my car, and he weighed on my mind and my heart as I drove away