Chapter 5 Drowning in the Past

Luke's POV

As I stood on the terrace, I looked down at the splendor of New York City. I cherished this vista. I was reminded of my privilege and power as I looked down at everyone. I grinned broadly to myself as I gripped the wine glass firmly between my fingers.

"Oh shit!" I mumbled as I detected a burning smell emanating from the kitchen. I forgot I was making myself some food because I was so engrossed in the scenery.

I snatched the casserole from the oven, staring in horror at the flaming, charred mass. I didn't always want to dine out, especially not by myself, even though I could afford to do so all the time.

I was terrible at cooking, though. However, appearance wasn't everything. Perhaps it would taste alright.

My reward, however, was a bland nothingness as I nibbled with the fork raised to my mouth. With a heavy sigh, I dropped the silverware and gave up on eating altogether.

Resuming my drink, I went back to the outside world. Being so far up made it difficult for me to hear anything, but any noise was better than none. I was able to forget I was alone thanks to it.

Even as a child, I was never very good at being by myself. I needed someone to share my place with, an audience. I simply had no idea how to be alone. As I grew older, that remained the same, particularly after I discovered the significance of my name. I needed and sought affection more as I grew older and received it from others.

Then my father passed away. I couldn't handle being alone for even a moment after he did. I always needed someone to be with me. No matter what, I had to have a body by my side. At that point, I really began to find out what it was like to sleep with a different lady each night.

And everything became more intense after Jason's death. I was completely destroyed by the terrible way my brother passed away. Since then, I had not really been the same.

Being alone was isolating. I had too much time to ponder, and invariably my thoughts were harmful. I felt depressed and furious at the world once I began to recall everything. It served as a reminder that no one was truly exempted and that unpleasant things happened to everyone. You could still get sick or be harmed by others despite having the DeVille name.

"Oh, thank God," I joyfully mumbled, when I heard a knock on my door. I simply cared that we laughed, not who it was. "Come in, please."

When the door opened, I saw James smiling broadly in return.

"Hey James, I assumed you were out of town this weekend." The sight of him made my heart race with joy.

"Yes, but I won't be leaving till tomorrow. I thought we could perhaps spend the day together."

I didn't care that he appeared somewhat embarrassed as he talked, as if he had been taken off guard. All I wanted was to avoid being alone while making that dreadfully poor attempt at cooking.

"That is, if you wish to, of course, not if you're busy."

He was like a gift from the gods, and I could have given him a hug. "Anything outside of these four walls sounds fantastic. What did you have in mind?" I wanted to get away.

"Do whatever you want, boss." He glanced at my casserole disaster on the kitchen counter. "Perhaps we could grab a bite to eat?" He was trying to be diplomatic even though he knew I wasn't a great cook.

"Yeah, that sounds awesome. Let me just gather my thoughts before we leave."

I was so relieved to have someone to talk to because it helped to soften the harsh exterior that surrounded my feelings. "Wait a minute. If you want, get a drink or whatever."

After giving me a sly smile and taking a beer from the refrigerator, James settled down on the couch to make himself comfortable. That man was my savior. Even at times when I didn't know what I needed, he did. At least I wouldn't have to stay inside and watch the world go by.

James gave me a pat on the back and quipped, "Well, I just have to say that the food was better than the fucking bad attempt you had sitting out earlier."

"Eating that must have improved your mood."

"I'll give you that. I feel better now that I'm out. I want to get a new suit for Lights Out tomorrow night, so hurry up." Now that I was feeling excited, I wanted to roll with it. What better way to treat oneself than with a new purchase?

"Oh, obviously, since you don't have a ton of them at home." James gave me a big laugh and rolled his eyes. "Just why do you require another one?"

"Come on, don't give me that; you know I need new clothes to stay happy." I practically skipped a beat as I made my way to my favorite designer boutique.