Chapter 4 Missing Just a Spark

Alright, so perhaps I had put my romantic life on hold for the time being, but only because the right man hadn't shown up. As a modern woman, I was prepared to wait until the right man showed up, or until I wasn't so worn out.

However, my mother didn't seem to comprehend that. She simply doesn't understand because she was never a career woman. To be honest, it's easier to ignore her.

"Yeah, I never bother going home either because my mom drives me crazy too."

We both stuffed our faces like we had been famished when the waitress brought our dinner to the table, but the conversation had not ended. I knew that was going through Tara's head as well because it was circling mine.

"I mean, meeting someone amazing would be nice." She grinned and shrugged her shoulders. "Mark had no fire, but he was fine. Nothing was wrong with what we had in bed; it just didn't bother me. Not like Alex, though. God! He was amazing. It was unfortunate that he had to discuss it with everyone else as well."

I pretended to understand by nodding, but in reality, I had no idea. Actually, I had never experienced that overwhelming passion that drove me insane. I had been attracted to men and liked them well enough, but nothing made me want to rip my clothes off. I never thought I would perish without someone.

I knew I was losing out on something essential in my life, and it was terrible, but I was unable to make it happen. One of those things was passion, which had biological roots. Perhaps I was just one of those women who would never have that if I hadn't gone through it.

"In any case, it is irrelevant. Perhaps tomorrow night at Lights Out, we will both run into someone amazing."

"Yes, perhaps." Indeed, there was no way out. What a horror it was. Tara would get her way as usual, even though I truly didn't want to push my body through crowds of sweating bodies on my night off. "We'll see."

"You'll enjoy it, Izzy, so quit wasting time. You're growing too old for your age, and you spend too much time indoors," she whimpered pathetically. "When I mentioned that you were just twenty-six years old, I meant it. You need to enjoy yourself. You're too young to spend the weekend sleeping."

"As I said, we'll see. Let's just stop there, shall we?"

An hour or so later, I was nearly completely exhausted by the time I arrived home. Even though I had a hard time keeping my eyes open, I was still able to observe how awful the area was.

Cleaning was one of the tasks I always attempted to avoid doing myself, but I was never successful. I wish there were more hours in a day. I could do it over the weekend, though. I was forced to.

Unable to fall asleep, I sagged on the couch and reflected on the day. Before going to bed, I usually felt that processing helped me avoid being hooked on things.

At the hospital, I witnessed a variety of horrible things, including drug addicts who continued to use despite the fact that they were killing themselves, the horrific aftermath of extreme freak accidents, and families who were upset about the fate of their loved ones. Even though I didn't work in the ER, I saw plenty. Taking care of that aided my recuperation.

This time though, I was more focused on my phone's lengthy list of unanswered calls than I was on what had transpired at the hospital. I didn't want to ignore her, but I couldn't handle it.

Naturally, I wanted to find love, get married, and start a family. That was my ideal-career woman or not-and it hurt to have her tell me that I was far from realizing it.

However, I also desired what Tara described: the intense passion, lust, and heart-stopping desire that only come from being in a relationship with someone with whom you have a strong chemistry.

John wasn't as sexy as I had assumed. Sam was attractive, in my opinion, but we could have had sex or not. That simply wasn't the case.

Unlike Tara, I didn't feel the need to divulge every detail about Alex. Even though I hadn't met him, I had the impression that I knew him too well. His body was simply too much for Tara to handle. She didn't look back on their time together with sorrow, even though he was an asshole. All she could think of was how amazing he was in the sack.

I took a quick look at the framed pictures I had scattered over my room and saw how each one had a backstory. There were a lot of people in my life. I longed for the entire darn picture even though I wasn't lonely. I was unable to resist wanting everything.

I had to push myself up before my sadness took over. Before I began to see myself as an old maid, I had to go to bed. Even though I didn't like the concept, perhaps Tara's desperate attempt to draw me out for some fun was a good thing.

The world was full of horrid things. I was just twenty-six. Perhaps life was more than just letting fatigue get the better of you after work. However, I would have to check since I wouldn't be able to go anywhere if I was as exhausted tomorrow as I am now.

Raising my exhausted body off the couch and dragging it down the hallway to my bedroom required all of my might. My bed greeted me warmly, providing much-needed solace, and as I collapsed into its embrace, I succumbed to the blissful feeling that only came from knowing a challenging day was coming to an end.