Chapter 4 Longing love

Entering the dimly lit hallway of the Smith family mansion, Autumn stood, her heart heavy with a sense of longing that had been with her for as long as she could remember. The walls of the house, adorned with portraits of the family's happier moments, seemed to mock her with their silent reminders of the love she had never known. Each photo displayed Flora's radiant smile, capturing the affection their mother showered upon her younger sister, while Autumn's presence was a mere shadow in the background.

Adjusting her glasses, the large lenses magnifying her hazel eyes, she peered at her reflection in the hallway mirror. Her acne-scarred face, framed by unkempt hair, seemed to confirm the cruel words she had heard throughout her life-ugly, unwanted, a perpetual disappointment. She ran a finger along the edge of her glasses, a futile attempt to hide her discomfort.

Flora, with her flowing golden hair and clear complexion, was the embodiment of grace and charm. Their mother, Elizabeth Smith, had always been effusive in her praise for Flora, her eyes lighting up whenever she spoke of her youngest daughter's achievements. To Autumn, this attention felt like a distant dream, a painful reminder of the affection she yearned for but never received.

Elizabeth's behavior toward Autumn was marked by a cold indifference that stung like ice. While Flora could do no wrong in their mother's eyes, Autumn was often met with harsh words and dismissive gestures. "Why can't you be more like your sister?" was a refrain she heard far too often. Elizabeth's disdain cut deep, embedding itself in Autumn's psyche. She would watch as her mother doted on Flora, her heart aching with jealousy and confusion.

In moments of frustration, Elizabeth's tone would sharpen, her words like daggers aimed at Autumn's spirit. "You're such a disappointment," she'd say, her voice dripping with disdain. "If only you tried harder, maybe I wouldn't have to waste my time correcting you." Those moments felt like a constant reminder that she was less deserving of love, reinforcing a painful belief that she would never be enough.

The emotional neglect weighed heavily on Autumn. She could never remember a time when her mother looked at her with eyes sparkling with love or when she offered even a simple gesture of affection. Instead, she learned to navigate her world alone, seeking solace in the quiet corners of her mind. It was as if Elizabeth had constructed a fortress of affection around Flora, leaving Autumn stranded outside, yearning for a glimpse of warmth.

Her father, Matthew Smith, was a fleeting presence in their lives. His frequent business trips kept him away from the family, and his rare visits did little to fill the void left by Elizabeth's coldness. While he showed moments of affection for Autumn, it often felt overshadowed by his absences. The fleeting interactions they shared became cherished memories, but they were too few and far between to heal the wounds inflicted by her mother.

Growing up, Autumn sought refuge in academics. Books became her escape, allowing her to retreat into worlds where love and acceptance existed in abundance. She excelled in her studies, outshining her peers despite the taunts and bullying she faced at school. Her intelligence was a source of pride, a glimmer of hope in a world that often felt harsh and unwelcoming.

Yet, even in the realm of academia, the shadows of her home life followed her. She was aware that her accomplishments were often met with indifference from her mother. Elizabeth rarely acknowledged Autumn's academic achievements, while Flora received endless praise for even the smallest accomplishments. This disparity fueled a relentless internal battle, leaving Autumn questioning her worth and seeking validation in all the wrong places.

Her only true friend, Grace, stood by her through thick and thin. Grace's unwavering support was a beacon of light in Autumn's otherwise dark world. Together, they navigated the trials of high school, Grace's loyalty providing a comfort that Autumn clung to desperately. In Grace, she found a sisterly bond, a connection that filled the void left by her family.

The memories of high school were bittersweet. While she excelled academically, the social landscape was treacherous. Autumn often felt like an outsider among her peers, plagued by insecurities that stemmed from her home life. The relentless teasing about her appearance stung deeply, especially coming from classmates who seemed to effortlessly embody the confidence that eluded her.

On particularly difficult days, she would return home, the weight of her failures bearing down on her. She could hear Elizabeth's voice echoing in her mind, reminding her of her inadequacies. "You're not special, Autumn. You'll always be in Flora's shadow," her mother would say, a statement that reverberated through her thoughts long after it was spoken. In those moments, the silence of the mansion felt suffocating, amplifying her feelings of isolation.

Flora, unaware of the turmoil within her sister, lived a life that seemed picture-perfect. The world viewed her as the golden child, and their mother's adoration only reinforced that image. Autumn watched, often feeling invisible, as Flora received flowers for achievements or spontaneous hugs from their mother. Those moments of affection were like daggers to Autumn's heart, each one a reminder of what she could never attain.

In an effort to cope, Autumn buried herself in her studies, channeling her energy into her education. She dreamed of a future where she could escape the confines of the mansion, a life filled with opportunities that would allow her to prove her worth. Each A she earned felt like a small victory, a fleeting glimpse of hope that perhaps she could rewrite her narrative.

Yet, the longing for her mother's love remained a constant ache in her chest. Autumn often fantasized about a day when Elizabeth would embrace her, shower her with words of praise, or simply acknowledge her existence with warmth. These dreams felt like distant stars-visible but unattainable, twinkling in the darkness of her reality.

As the years passed, Autumn found herself questioning whether she would ever receive the love she so desperately sought. The emotional scars left by her mother ran deep, forming a tapestry of pain that intertwined with her daily life. Each dismissal, each harsh word, piled on the weight she carried, leaving her feeling suffocated by expectations she could never meet.

Standing in the hallway, she let her thoughts race back to her past. The memories of her childhood flooded her mind, bringing with them a mixture of sorrow and resilience. It was in those moments of reflection that she found the strength to keep moving forward, to continue striving for a love that seemed perpetually out of reach.

Despite everything, Autumn refused to let her mother's hatred define her. She longed to break free from the chains of emotional neglect, to prove to herself that she was deserving of love. With determination, she resolved to forge her own path, one where she could find acceptance and happiness outside the walls of the mansion.

As she stood there, her thoughts drifted back to her days in secondary school, where the harsh realities of her upbringing played out against the backdrop of adolescence, and she grappled with her identity in a world that often felt unkind.