Chapter 5 5

Alex's POV

The minute my feet planted on the ground, I ran straight into my barracks and slammed the door closed behind me. I threw my helmet on the ground and watched it bounce a couple of inches off the ground before rolling under my bed. Next to be thrown off my body were my weapons. My daggers ended up sticking out of the wall like darts on the oak wood walls. My gun, however, just clattered to my feet, and I soon followed as my knees faltered and sent me to the ground.

Tears rolled down my rosy cheeks. Private Casey. My sister-in-arms. My friend. Dead. Dead, all because we cowered. We all left her behind. I should've been at her side to make sure she got out safely. If only I carried more magazines. If only I was more careful and precise about my shots. Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have run out of ammo and been able to fight beside her. But no. The smoke swallowed her up, and all that I could hear were gunshots.

She's dead. She's dead. She's dead!

The room suddenly felt suffocating, and before I knew it, I was now on my hands and knees as I continued to cry. My breath became short and fast. At some moments, I could've sworn I held it for what felt like hours as the walls came closing in on me. Even the ground beneath me started to rise closer to the ceiling.

My head swirled back to my door, where I saw Lieutenant Chris drag Private Kai. He quickly let Private Kai go and fumble to his knees beside me. His warm arms embraced me, and the walls started to back away, allowing me more room to move and breathe again.

"Lily... look at me, you need to breathe. In 1... 2... 3... and out 1... 2... 3..."

Lily... I haven't heard my first name in a while since here within the military everyone is addressed by their last name. My first name hasn't been used to address me for a good long 8 years now. Regardless, I still listened to his voice and followed his guidance. My chest rises and falls steadily after each inhale. Once my mind was clear again, I quickly wrapped my arms around him back and looked softly up at Private Kai who seemed to be leaning up against the corner of the room, smoking one of his cigarettes again. I know he's doing it as an escape. We all need to escape our minds. Yet. Lieutenant Chris seems to be the only person in check.

"Th-thank you... I'm okay..."

I tried to reassure him, but we both knew I was lying about how I felt. But what else can I do? Nothing. Sure, I have lost comrades before, but none who I had a great connection with. The six of us were family at this point. Only five of us made it back.

"We can't sit here and sulk... and Private Kai. Put that thing out before Colonel Carter catches you smoking in the barracks again." Lieutenant Chris protested.

"Give us a break. We just lost Private Casey. There is nothing we can do to change the past unless we have a time machine. Extraction isn't an option either. She'd be dead before we loaded up the transport again if she already isn't."

He drew a long breath from the cigarette before throwing his head back to release a big cloud of smoke that escaped through his mouth and nose. He is right, though. And I hate it.

"Then... let her death not be in vain. We will stop this rebellion in Private Casey's name. After this feud is over then we can settle down and grieve. I'm sure Colonel Carter and Sergeant Jake are planning for us to go out there again. That will be our chance to get revenge."

I could hear Private Kai growl at Lieutenant Chris' words.

"And what the fuck do you expect to do in the meantime?! Sit around all day and wait to be dispatched to another suicide mission?! Who are we going to lose next?! You? Me? Lieutenant Alex? Our Colonel or Sergeant?"

Tears rush back to my eyes as I think of losing another one of our members. I withdrew my arms from Lieutenant Chris and hugged myself instead as that fear... that... panic rushed to my head again.

"In the meantime. We train. Prepare. And get ready. We have risen above our enemies before. What is stopping us from rising against these scumbags too?"

Again I draw another deep breath and exhale. If we do train and become better prepared... there is a possibility of winning and Private Casey will not die in vain.

The three of us trained all day and night after our little talk in my barrack. It was the only thing any of us could do to distract ourselves from losing Private Casey. Well- almost three of us. I catch Private Kai smoking a lot more than he usually does. It used to be no more than two cigarettes a day. Now, I bet he's going through at least half a packet. As for Lieutenant Chris, he has gotten very little sleep, if any at all, judging by the dark rings and bags that are forming under his eyes. He keeps denying that he's tired and is working himself to complete exhaustion. I've never seen them like this before. I'm used to Private Kai being so curious and hardworking with his responsibilities at base. I'm used to Lieutenant Chris cracking a joke here and there and keeping the rest of us in line; both on and off duty. I suppose I can't talk. My mind keeps thinking about all of the 'what ifs', hoping it will somehow change the past, and somehow bring Private Casey back.

One night, I catch Lieutenant Chris at his post for guard duty. Night watch is what we call it. I've never seen him slouch or lean, I guess the exhaustion is quickly catching up to him.

Slowly I made my way up to the Western tower and joined by his side. I noticed his cold, hard, blank stare focused solely on the crashing waves rolling onto the sandy shore below.

"Cole... c'mon, go to bed... I can take over..."

I hoped using his first name would somehow make him listen. Make him snap out of this state of his as he did the same for me. But I get nothing but a lousy head shake. I never knew he could be so stubborn. "Lieutenant Cole Chris. I am ordering you to go to bed and sleep this instant."

Now that got his attention as he turned his head and locked his gaze with mine, but he still didn't budge. He looks so blank, so empty. "You can't order me to do anything. We are the same rank. Besides... I've been in the military longer... I have a little more authority than you do. If anything, I should be the one ordering you to go to bed."

I chuckle softly and decide to join him rather than fight with him.

"As true as that may be... you still have to take care of yourself... and if you won't do that then... I guess I'll break myself with you."

I don't care if he is on duty, I still approach and squeeze my way between him and the railing on the watch tower that he's leaning against and gently cup his face. I could've sworn the comforting gesture made his eyes water as his voice became a little faint and broken. "Lily... don't... don't do that... I'll be fine... I don't need rest... now get out of my way, I can't see squat with you in the way."

I turned my head, my gaze met the horizon, and I pressed my back against his chest. I'm going to take night watch with him whether he likes it or not. Besides, there is nothing out there for miles based on what I can see in pitch darkness. No signs of fires, no sounds of convoy, just the sounds of the ocean and the starry night sky with a moon in full bloom above us.

"No... I'm staying... I'll be your eyes... besides, I know you can see over my short ass anyway."

"Barely, I'm not that much taller than you, and I'm on a bit of a lean here... but fine... if you're going to be so stubborn about staying... I can't do much to stop you."

I throw my head back to look up at him with a slight smirk on my face. I know he can't do anything. He never has turned me away before, and frankly, I don't think he ever will. I spot a soft smile, a genuine smile on his face. It's a sight I haven't seen since we got back from the mission. I admire it for a moment, sharing a look before returning to the horizon ahead of us and simply returning our gaze to the view.

The two of us stayed up all night together, watching the sunrise, and the colors of the sky change from blues to a blend of purples, reds, oranges, and yellows. Even the clouds were almost a cotton candy pink. "God, the sunrises never disappoint out here... they're so pretty. "

"Yeah... well... you never disappoint either, you know... I'm surprised you stayed up here with me all night long... and shut up. The sunrise isn't as pretty as you either."

My eyes widen, and blush spreads across my cheeks.

Did I hear him correctly? Did he call me pretty?

Before I could question him, we were summoned back to the debriefing room.

"Great. What now?" Lieutenant Chris grumbled. I could tell it was the exhaustion and the morning hungry anger kicking in. Together, we made our way down from the watch tower and headed straight to the debriefing room.