Chapter 4 4

Carter's POV

I assist the hostages into transport trucks and provide them directions to drive as far and as fast as possible to the next nearest village where I am sure they will thrive there just fine. I also help Private Kai, Lieutenants Chris, and Alex, followed by Sergeant Jake into the chopper and give the order.

"Follow after them. We will provide cover in case The Resistance chases them down."

Lieutenant Alex is the first among the group to speak.

"Wh-What about Private Casey? She's still down there.. you can't just leave without her-y-you weren't serious about abandoning your men w- were you?"

I glanced down at the factory and all I could see was smoke followed by ringing gunshots.

"If we go back down there, you might as well consider yourselves dead. Private Casey is most likely dead herself by now. I can't afford to send you down there to fetch her."

Lieutenant Alex's eyes began to tear up and she hung her head low, allowing her ponytail to flow over her head to hide how devastated she is. Lieutenant Chris also watched the battlegrounds and became colder than what he normally is.

"Colonel Carter is right... we can't risk our lives for some... Private... they're expendable and easy to replace... not to mention those hostages aren't exactly out of the woods yet... it's best we leave..."

Private Kai was the next person to speak up, his anxiety is running through the roof. The kid has confidence in his friend.

"What?! No! Can't we wait at least 10 more minutes?! I know Private Casey better than anyone! She's tough! She's alive and will walk through those doors any minute now!"

My eyes then glanced over to Sergeant Jake and he too looked conflicted but he acted on rationality.

"Colonel Carter and Lieutenant Chris are right. It's best we leave her behind. If by some miracle she is alive. I will put a plan in place to extract her. But judging by the gunshots and smoke coming from the factory. I say she's dead. We are moving. Now."

Lieutenant Alex continues to sob quietly to herself and Private Kai is beside her, trying to comfort her. He falls silent as the helicopter begins to move, his eyes fixed on Private Casey's empty seat. There is nothing we can do. We are sitting ducks if we stay up here waiting for her. If we go down there to extract her it might be pointless knowing her chances of survival are low. My hands are tied. There is nothing any of us could do.

As we were leaving the area I decided to make one last radio call to find out if Private Casey truly is alive. I clear my throat and then begin to speak.

"This is Colonel Carter. Do you copy Private Casey?"

"Colonel Carter? Yes.. yes, I copy"

My eyes widen. I was surprised to hear her voice. We all were. I suck in a breath and inform her of the new plan. Well. It isn't a plan. It is pure abandonment. But what other choice do I have? She sounds badly hurt anyway, it isn't worth it in my eyes. I've lost many people under my command. Losing someone like Private Casey doesn't phase me. I've seen and been through worse with my 27 years serving in the military.

"Alright kid, listen. I have some tough news." I pause for a moment, doubting myself now if this is the right call to make. "We can't come back. It's too dangerous."

"Are you fucking kidding me?! After all that I have done for you, for the team?!" she yelled back.

"Private-" I tried to interrupt, but she wouldn't let me.

"Don't fucking 'Private' me! You lost every right to command me the moment you left me here to die!"

She yelled in a very mocking tone. I stayed silent for a moment.

"It's nothing personal, kid." I tried to explain.

"No! It is personal. I'll get out of here and I'll make it my life's mission to rip your throat out and feed it to the fucking wolves."

Before I could say anything, I heard her radio signal break up on me. Most likely from how far away have travelled but I am sure our comms had a much further range than this. It was strange.

"When we get back to base. We are planning to extract her."

Private Kai demmanded. He's still determined that Private Casey can survive that long on her own. "It would take us at least 3 days for us to go back there. 1 day spent returning to base, another day to plan and gear up, and then the final day would be spent on the journey back there." It didn't sound possible was what I was trying to say.

"You too are just a Private. You have no power. No say in what we do next."

I reminded him the same way I reminded Private Casey.

We returned back to base and everyone's eyes were on mine. Well- everyone's except for Lieutenant Alex who returned to her barracks to gear down and most likely cry about losing Private Casey. I told that girl to not get too attached. The military is not the place to make friends knowing you could easily lose them at any minute.

"Lieutenant!" Chris called out. "Shit-"

Within seconds Private Kai grabbed onto the collar of my shirt and pulled me close so that the only thing I could see were his hazel eyes.

"You just had to leave Private Casey behind, huh?! We could've saved her! She was alive down there!"

"You think I wanted to leave her behind?! You saw what kind of weaponry and power they had down there! We'd be dead right now if we decided to drag Private Casey's ass out of the grave that she dug for herself! My hands were tied!"

I tried to reason with him but he clearly wasn't getting the message. Lieutenant Chris stepped in and separated us.

"Enough you two. Private. Yes, you are right on the account that we could've extracted Private Casey. We should've fucking jumped down and pulled Private Casey's 'ass out the grave that she dug herself' as you put it. As for you Colonel. Your call wasn't a fair one. Private Casey is one of our best shooters with 36 confirmed kills on her belt, not to mention she's a better shot than any of us here during her time under your command alone. And I think you know it too. You need her. Like it or not. But yes. It is too late to go back for her... she will be dead by the time we get back to the village... I hope you are happy to lose your most valuable soldier, Colonel. Have a good day."

With that said I watched Lieutenant Chris pull Private Kai with him to Alex's bunk to comfort each other. Regret and doubt regarding my commanding and leadership skills do set in. I had left Private Casey to die. I took a deep breath and returned to the debriefing room to be left in peace and silence with nothing but my thoughts. I failed. I failed The Elite Task Force. Most importantly, I failed Private Casey. It's my fault that she dies on this day.

I had spent hours looking at the maps and reports from today as a way to distract my mind from things. Another convoy was robbed, and scouts are going missing left right, and center. Our forces are crumbling, and that only brings me down more. I'm failing everyone. Out of frustration, I stood up from my chair and threw it firmly against the wall, watching it break into a couple of pieces. Next were the file cabinets that I managed to topple over and scatter papers, files, reports, and battle plans all over the floor in an unorganized mess. My rage didn't stop there, the last thing to go was the window. I managed to punch it instead of the wall by mistake. I didn't care that glass stuck out from my hand. I didn't care that blood was tailing down my fingers and onto the floor.

"Fucking Hell! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

I heard someone call out from behind me. It didn't take long for me to turn and meet their eyes. Sergeant Jake.

"Sergeant?" I muttered out.

I know how bad the mess I made looked, but I couldn't help myself. I needed a release. I needed something to help me get this anger and self-hatred out of me. I can't lose another soldier. Yet alone the daughter of one of the best men I knew before he was also KIA. If he were looking down at me right now, he'd easily plug a bullet through my skull.

I just couldn't risk saving her, it was far too dangerous with all that smoke, the gunfire coming from unknown directions, and how unprepared we were to tackle such a bold mission. What was I thinking?

"I do not mean to disrespect you Colonel but, if you wanted to have a temper tantrum, you should've taken it out on our dummies. They're there to be punched and shot at."

Well-yeah, that could've been an option, too. Why didn't I think of that? Maybe because I knew everyone would hear me yelling and see me lose control of my temper like that. It isn't a sight for anyone to see while this room is completely soundproof for security reasons. "Yeah... You're right-."

"Please clean this mess up before the others see you in this much distress. You're lucky it was me who walked in and not the Lieutenants or Private Kai. They'd never let you live this down. Look... I'll be back in a few hours and hopefully, we can discuss things. There is another matter on our hands that I want to bring to your attention" Just like that, he turned his back and didn't allow me to respond. I guess that's just his way of forgetting what he witnessed and didn't want to stay much longer in this mess. I just hope that he is true about keeping this our little secret as he is right. I am a Colonel. I have to be the leader and role model for the others. They can't see me break so easily like this.

The first thing is first, my hand. I reached for the medical kit on the wall, removed each shard of glass, and patched myself up. It's not my best work, but it is hard to wrap your own wounds when you're a hand down. Next are the filing cabinets. I return them to their original places and look down at the floor that is littered with papers. I have piles of the categories, but they're all out of order in terms of the dates. I don't have much time to be that detailed and organized to arrange them from oldest to newest.

As for the chair, I threw it in the garbage and pulled out a new one from one of the stacks at the corner of the room. Lastly, the window. There's not much I can do about the glass. My best effort was to pin up a bed sheet that I stole from the laundry.

I drew in a breath when footsteps came my way. I knew Sergeant Jake was returning from God knows where.

"Colonel. Take a seat."

I obeyed and sat down in an empty chair. He soon followed and sat opposite me. I kept my mouth shut and waited for him to speak. "Look. I know you're not happy about leaving Private Casey behind. But you made the right call. I have a few recruits lined up for you. I want you to take your pick and replace Private Casey."

I frown at his request. He wants me to replace her just like that. Just like that? He hasn't given me a day to even grieve over losing her. However, it needs to be done. We need our numbers more than ever now, and I'm not sending Lieutenants Alex and Chris and Private Kai anywhere on their own. Maybe on a scout route together, but still. Our scouts are dropping like flies these days. It's not safe to dispatch anyone. "Right, I can do that."

He doesn't address the temper tantrum I had earlier and casually discusses recruitment. I thought he was going to discipline me for my actions. I suppose now isn't the best time. Either way, I deserve a punishment.

"Good. With that out of the way. I want you to find out why our scouts and convoy are being ambushed. Keep the watch guards on high alert. All day. All night. We will get to the bottom of it." Again, I don't protest. This is a known problem, and someone needs to solve it before it becomes our downfall. No doubt it is the rebellion's doing. I draw in a breath and narrow my eyes with determination. "Very well, I'll summon the others now so we can make a plan."