Chapter 3 3

Elena

Of course the desk he is sitting at has the only free seat. Just my luck.

My legs felt shaky as I walk into the classroom, no one is looking at me- no one actually cares anyway- but still. I thought I left behind my anxiety when I left for college but I don't think it can ever leave you, I really did think this would be my fresh start. I guess it was for a while- two weeks.

I place my books onto the desk and slip into the seat- I see Jeremy staring at me, that dick probably remembers me as the girl who practically fell on top of him. I ignore him as I pull out my new book 'Love and other words'I'm only thirty pages in but I'm practically addicted.

Jeremy's eyes haven't wavered from me since I got here, "Will you stop looking at me pervert?" My words come out shaky and imprecise, like everything I'm doing today.

"I'm not." He says rather unconvincingly.

"Tell that to yourself."

"Just wondering how your head is." He says and I almost recoil with surprise.

"I'm sorry?" I could practically laugh at the idea of Jeremy caring for anyone's wellbeing, especially mine. Maybe he's changed his morals since middle school.

"Wow, you must of really gotten a concussion."

I roll my eyes, "I didn't."

The professor walks into the room and begins her lesson, I start picking at my nails- a habit though unsurprisingly not one of my worst ones. I open up my computer and begin writing the essay our professor said is due by tomorrow.

I don't know why I say it but I do, "I remember how I know you Jeremy Steves." The words are out of my mouth before my brain comprehends.

"Oh yeah?"

"You are a hockey player." I say, "As well as a well known dick."

He doesn't respond.

"Not very surprising," I whisper under my breath.

"And why is that?"

"You hockey players have a type." They are all cocky, arrogant bastards.

"Maybe the ones you've met."

That sentence is laughable, if Jeremy wasn't right beside me I'd be cackling on the ground right now- instead I just smile.

A tall, pretty girl with long black hair appears behind him and taps his shoulder.

"Hey, you are Jeremy, right?" The girl asks, though obviously she already knows who he is. "I'm sorry if this is a really creepy question or whatever but are you busy after class today?"

He stares at her for a moment, like she just asked the stupidest question in the world, that stare would be enough to make me shrink.

"I'm busy, sorry."

"Oh okay. How about tomorrow?" She sounds so hopeful like she really likes him.

"Look- I'm sorry but I'm not really interested in you." He says and girl turns away and walks back to her group of friends surrounding her desk.

I see her slowly shake her head as one of her friends hug her.

He most defiantly has not changed his morals since middle school.

I look up to see class has finished, "Not a dick, huh?" I stand up gathering my books in my bag and walking out of the classroom. I cover my arms around my waist it provides a sense of comfort. It makes me feel less exposed, like I'm in control and control is hard to come by.

"Really?" Fiona asks after I repeated the events of today.

"Really." I parrot.

"Boys suck." She says as she falls onto her neat bed.

"I'm right here in case you guys forgot." Matt says while spinning around on my desk chair.

"I guess your alright."

Jeremy Steves. His name just brings a sour taste to my tongue, I hate his guts. I groan and my head falls back onto a pile of soft toys, "Nothing in my life is fair." Fiona and Matt share a glance, "C'mon he isn't that bad." Fiona says.

"Are you kidding me Fiona? You were there in Elementary and middle school. He practically bullied me." She rolls her eyes at my despair.

"He didn't bully you. He was a dick, sure, but he didn't bully you Al, that's a little dramatic."

I peek between the toys I have drowned myself under, "No it was bullying. And the only reason he wasn't a complete dick to me today is because he doesn't remember me."

"Are you sure he doesn't remember you?" Matt asks.

"Positive." I reply sitting up, "He didn't call me Elena."

"But that's your name?" He asks confused.

"Elena is my name," I correct. "Elena is the name my friends call me. Not the name my enemy calls me."

"God you are so dramatic."

"You can't talk Fiona." I snap back. "You were crying the other day while watching Inside out, that movie isn't even sad!"

She mumbles something under her breath while Matt cackles in the corner of the room.

I throw my head into my hands, "I don't want to see him again."

"Too bad bae, you've got biology tomorrow."

I fall back into the comfort of stuffed animals, "You are my only friend now." I whisper to the purple bunny wearing a bowtie.

I wake up in a cold sweat.

My mind is spinning and I feel as if I could slip into the darkness forever.

Sometimes I feel like I can't control my mind- my thoughts- and the bad voices creep into my head. I just need to shut them out-shut them out because they are not here anymore- they can't reach me now.

I run to the bathroom and vomit my guts up, there is barely anything in my stomach to begin with- just liquid.

I decide to go on a run, it's not like I'm going to be able to sleep again now.

Running helps me focus- I just focus on each step I take to the finish line- each step until I can rest.

Once I get back outside of the apartment I sneak a secret cigarette, I told

Fiona I quit a couple of months ago- but that's what I do apparently- I lie- even though I try not to.

"Where did you go?" Fiona surprises me as I walk inside.

I jump and hold my hand to my chest, "Jesus Fiona, you scared out of me!"

"I'm not the one sneaking around our apartment." She counters.

I walk over to the fridge to get some water, "I'm not, I went on a run."

"At 5am?" She asks disbelievingly.

"Are you blind?" I motion to my bright red, sweaty body.

She pulls a face, "Gross Elena."

I shrug, "I'm going back to bed now."

Though of course I don't, I sit in my bed for so long- I barely notice that hours have gone by of me sitting in the darkness.

I walk into the lecture hall an hour early and find my seat at the back of the room, I sort threw my bag and find a granola bar that Fiona must of sneaked in. My stomach yearns for food, a liquid- anything, I take a bite of it and it makes me feel physically ill- I swallow the bar whole with a chug of my iced coffee.

I put in my air pods and continue to read Love and other words, how can words on paper literally have me swooning?

I see a trickle of students entering the lecture hall and then I see- him.

Him in all his arrogant self glory.

Jeremy Steves.

I glance back down to my book pretending to read it, how am I supposed to focus now? It's all his fault. It's been about a minute- he must of found a seat now so I look back up.. right where Jeremy is- standing directly beside me.

"What the hell are you looking at?" I snap after ten seconds of staring at him.

"Can you move your things?" He asks. I look around the classroom.

You've got to be kidding me.

Every. Other. Seat. Is. Field.

"Find somewhere else to sit." I roll my eyes and look back at my book.

He pauses for a second then crosses his arms and leans them across the table, "I'm not sure if you've noticed but there are no other seats."

"Then sit outside."

He rolls his eyes.

"Just move your books or I'll move them myself."

Son of a bitch.

He watches me slide them to the side then he sits down with a satisfied smile on his face, I glance towards the time- the professor should be here in two minutes.

"I never asked for your name." He says from beside me. "Elena." I mumble, looking down into my book- I'm at a good part now and I can't help but smile- I try to cover my face with my jumper before

Jeremy can see me.

The class starts and the professor starts rambling on about some random shit to do with chromosomes in living cells- it's enough to bore me to sleep.

"Looks like your about to fall asleep" Jeremy's voice whispers in my ear.

I turn my face towards him awaking me from drowsiness I am feeling,

"I'm sorry?"

His face looks panicked for a second-only a second.

So creep.

"No-no- I just mean you looked tired-"

"No shit sherlock." Probably because I only got three hours of sleep-four cups of coffee didn't even help.

"Wh-" He begins before the professor cuts him off.

"That's it for today class we have our next study session in three days. You are dismissed."

Thank gosh.

I almost can't get out of there fast enough.