Chapter 4 the kind

wasn't hit. - He looked at me. - As you can imagine, I didn't handle it very well. He understood, I understood. He knew what it was like to have a friend die right in front of him. And it was even worse for him. Yes, Leo and I were helping people in Iraq when we were ambushed, but we were still in the army, in an area where people weren't very happy with what we were doing. Israel and his friend were just teenagers, minding their own business. - I was angry at the world. I started doing stupid things. Broken glass, graffiti walls, all the things angry people do when they don't get justice.

- The ghost of a smile appeared. - Angel left me because of that, he said he wasn't going to be with a man who acted like a boy. I always heard that Angel was like his mother, and that definitely sounded like something Nana Naz would have said. - She's the one who straightened me out. - He gestured toward Nana Naz. - She told me that if I didn't straighten up, she would end up being the kind of black man who makes the justice system not care, and that would be a waste. She took me to every place I vandalized, made me apologize and promise to pay for everything. So she took me to the police station and made me confess there too. I paid everyone, did fifty hours of community service and have been on the right track ever since. I didn't know what to say, but he wasn't finished yet. - That's why we don't discourage Leo from dating you. We said he needed to be the kind of friend who made better choices and was a good influence, but we never thought you were a bad boy. You just needed help to believe it. Sometimes we can have the best family in the world, but it takes someone outside of the family to believe in you to make a difference. I honestly wasn't sure I believed that now, but I thanked him anyway. Whatever the reason, misguided or not, their decision played a huge role in why I wasn't in prison or worse. Without Léo, I doubted I would ever have completely straightened out, no matter how big my family was or how much they loved me. Israel was right. I needed another chance too. He reached out and ruffled my hair the way he did when I was that brat who stole cigarettes. - Now, while we're here for who knows how long, how about you tell me what's bothering you so much. - Am I that easy to read? He shrugged. - I know a thing or two about being in love. Love? I shook my head. - It's not love, but it's a girl. - I sighed. - I barely know her, but I can't stop thinking about her. A wide smile split Israel's face, and the flash of memory that came with it was bittersweet. The last time I saw that smile was right before things went wrong like anything could. I didn't have to worry about getting lost in the past, though. Léo had gotten the stubborn streak from his father and grandmother, and Israel wasn't going to let things happen. - I hate to tell you, son, but that probably means it's love. "You're not going to let this rest until I tell you the whole story, are you?" He shook his head. - I'm not going anywhere for now. So, I told him. All. From the first moment I saw her in that rescue video to Freedom showing up at the agency right before he called. When I finished, I shut up and let him process. It was a lot, especially since he already had a lot of other shit going on in his head. If he hadn't insisted, I would never have laid it all on him, but I could partly see why he wanted to hear it. It may have been a lot, but it was a huge distraction. - I assume you haven't spoken to your parents or siblings about this. - No, why? He raised an eyebrow. - Because they would have told you the same thing I'm going to tell you... Stop being an idiot. I laughed, but it wasn't happy. He wasn't wrong. I hadn't spoken to anyone in my family about it because they would have said exactly that. To stop being an idiot. And I would have told them the same thing that I will say to Israel. - It doesn't matter. I messed up too many times. Well, I may not have phrased it exactly like that with everyone, but the feeling would be the same. "We all do," Israel countered. - But if she's worth it, you'll go after the girl. I shook my head. - Even if she forgave me, a relationship isn't in the cards for me. - And why not? Maybe it was because I was tired and so worried about Nana Naz that she was starting to lose her adrenaline. Maybe it was because she was Israel and not my parents. Whatever the reason, I responded with the real reason that had been on my mind since March. - Because it's not right. Me managing to be happy, dating, doing all the things that Léo should be here doing. Israel looked at me for several seconds before hitting me on the back of the head. - You're really trying to be an idiot, aren't you? I don't know why his answer surprised me, except that it did. How could Israel accept that I did all these things that Leo would never do? - Nana Naz and I want you to live life. - Israel's voice became deeper. - Are we sad that Léo didn't have the chance to fall in love, get married, have children? Yes. But that doesn't mean we think no one should be happy anymore. Specially you. And that's what Léo wanted too. Before I could argue with him, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. - Let me show you something. - He opened what appeared to be a video. - I received it a few days later. I didn't need him to say after what. There was a before and an after for me too, and it was the same moment. Even though I guessed who was in the video, it was still a shock to see Léo's face on the screen. I prepared myself to hear his voice, and then I pressed play. - Hello, dad. Damn, that hurts. - I really hoped you never had to see this, but I had to plan for the worst. I do one of these before every tour. Eoin and I have an agreement about what will happen if one of us gets home and the other doesn't, but with us being out there together, there's a chance we could both... You know. So I needed to have a back-up and that's it. A lump formed in my throat as Léo talked about how much he loved his father and grandmother, and I wondered why Israel said I needed to see it, how it was supposed to make me feel better. But I wasn't going to stop watching. A part of me thought I deserved all the pain this caused. - The other reason I made this video is because there are some things that, if Eoin comes back and I don't, he needs to know. Cum. - I guess that means it's time to talk to you, brother. I wanted to close my eyes. Turn off the video. Not hearing that familiar voice. But I refused to choose the cowardly way out. I watched and listened. - Eoin, I know you're taking care of Dad and Nana Naz, just like I would take care of your parents if your Brady Bunch brothers couldn't do it. I don't need to remind you of our promises to each other. What I need to say is this... live. I'm asking Dad and Nana Naz to take care of you too because I know you. You will blame yourself no matter what the circumstances, and you will convince yourself that you should never have fun again. You will fight happiness tooth and nail. Damn it. He knew me. The hand that wasn't holding the phone flexed into a fist. - You wouldn't want me to be depressed and morose, sitting on my ass, sorry Nana Naz, if our positions were reversed. Enjoy Evanne and the slew of other siblings when the