Chapter 3 attacks

standing with a serious expression. - What do you need? - Time. - I put my phone in my pocket. - Family emergency. He nodded. - Do what you need to do. The work will be here when you get back. Do you need me to do something for you? I shook my head, my mind already halfway home. - I'll be fine. I just have to go. - So go. He didn't even stop, he just told me to go, and he meant it. I didn't know the other guys well, but I knew they would understand too. Family came in all shapes and sizes, which I understood better than anyone.

And that's why I planned to get back to San Ramon as quickly as I could. Another part of my family was hurting and needed me. The five and a half hour trip sucked. It was long enough for me to hate every second of it, but not so long that it was worth trying to find a flight. I spent two drives before realizing it might have been smarter of me to ask one of my brothers who lived in LA to drive me. Smarter because that's when I started hearing that echoing sound, the tunnel vision, that warned me a flashback or panic attacks, or both, was coming. I pulled over, hating myself for wasting time, but knowing it would be worse if I tried to fight it while I was behind the wheel. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to calm down. I focused on getting to Israel and Nana Naz, being there for them because Léo couldn't, helped. I kept that in mind as I finished the drive to the hospital. At the first red light I hit in town, I texted Israel to let him know where I was, and he said he would meet me in the lobby. He didn't call to give me updates, but I was taking that as a positive sign. Plus, I doubted he would leave Nana Naz alone to go down to the lobby if things were that bad. I refused to think about anything else. When I entered the lobby, I immediately saw Israel. He was always a big man. Even though he was two inches shorter than me, he was broader, more muscular. The first time I saw him after Léo's death, he seemed older but still larger than life. Now, he seemed...smaller. The realization made my heart and stomach twist, but I didn't let anything show on my face. I had to be strong for Israel, I had to be at least a fraction of the man Leo was. I made a silent promise to my friend that if I had to give up everything in LA to take care of his father and grandmother, I would do it. - Thank you for coming. - Israel hugged me and I wish he had been able to hug his son. - How is she? - I forced myself to ask the question, even though I feared the answer. "She's resting," he said as he backed away. - Let's go. Let's walk while we talk. As he led me to the elevator, he told me what had happened. - She was starting dinner when she had to sit down because she was having trouble breathing. She sat there for a few minutes before I walked in and asked if she was okay. You know Mom. She's always fine. Except she said she didn't feel well. That alone was enough to explain why he looked so ragged. I had seen Nana Naz take care of a dinner for an entire church while she had a kidney stone. - I wanted to call an ambulance, but she said she just needed to rest, but then she passed out and that was it. I called 911. She woke up on the way here, but she was disoriented, groggy. I was worried that she had had a stroke. Her father passed away when she was twelve. I did not know that. - It was a? We got out of the elevator onto the ICU floor and he continued - No, thank God. The doctors ran all the tests and said they thought it was a combination of dehydration and a drop in blood pressure. They're going to keep her here until at least tomorrow because they're having trouble stabilizing her blood pressure. That was good to hear, but it didn't make me any less worried. Nana Naz wasn't really old, but she wasn't young either. And she's had a stressful year. Hell, she's had a stressful life, losing her only son, helping to raise her grandson, and then losing him too. - I thought I'd call you and tell you that you didn't need to come. - Israel stopped next to what I assumed was the door to Nana Naz's room. - But honestly, I wasn't sure I could spend the rest of tonight and tomorrow alone. I knew what it cost him to admit that, which meant he was even more scared than I imagined. "I should never have left," I said, shaking my head. - I promised Léo that I would take care of you two, and I can't do that six hours away. Israel gave me a stern look. - Where would you two be if my son hadn't died? I grimaced. - What do you mean? - You two planned to have a full career in the army, right? Even if you guys decided to get married, none of you planned on leaving the army anytime soon. "Okay," I agreed. - Yes, we would still be in the army. - In that case, you could be on the other side of the country or the other side of the world, and I would be right here. - Israel put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm grateful to have you here, but I don't want you to think that means you have to stay in San Ramon for the rest of my life or Mom's life. I would tell Léo the same thing. Knowing he would have done exactly that didn't make me feel any better, but I didn't argue with him. I wasn't here to prove a point. Nana Naz was asleep when we entered the room, and although she looked peaceful, she also looked fragile, with an IV in her arm and an oxygen tube in her nose. I always thought of her as an unstoppable force. Invincible. People always talk about how teenagers think nothing can touch them, but I think most people forget that when we're young, we think all the stable people in our lives will be there all the time. The loss of a mother I didn't really remember and my time in the army changed both their mindsets very quickly, but the reality of Nana Naz's mortality hadn't really hit me until that moment. - The doctor said her oxygen is also very low - Israel said softly as we moved to the chairs next to her bed. - He asked me if she was a smoker, and all I could think about was that day when she caught you and Léo smoking. I smiled at the memory, surprised at how little it hurt to think about it. Léo and I were in sixth grade when, for a reason I couldn't remember, I decided that the two of us should steal a pack of cigarettes from those racist high school students who never missed a chance to pick on Léo. As soon as we got the cigarettes, I had the bright idea that we should smoke some, just to show the world how tough and grown up we were. Nana Naz caught us and slapped us on the back of the head. So she made us tell Israel and my parents. She hadn't, however, made us apologize to the guys we stole them from. About that, she just said that we should have let the air out of the bike tires too. "None of this was Leo's idea," I admitted. - Neither stealing nor smoking. I know what he said, but it was all me. - We knew. Israel laughed. - Most of the time, when you guys got into trouble, it was your idea, and he went along with it. I grimaced at the memory. - I still have no idea why you never told him not to hang out with me. "You always had a good heart, Eoin," said Israel. My face must have shown my thoughts o