Chapter 4 4

Killian's POV

I had to run out of the car on our way back home due to the nausea. Again.

I threw up like there was no tomorrow next to the road. Everyone else had already left home but I had to stay behind just making sure that the little wolf obeyed me.

She was nowhere to be found, not in the city and not around her house and that just made me feel helpless instead of happy.

Never in my 102 years old have I experienced something like this. Was finding your mate something so magical that affected your whole being?

Ever since I let her go, something felt oddly wrong. I felt, for the first time of my existence, broken, like if I could actually sense anything else than my emotions.

"Alpha?" Leo called me worriedly.

He knew what was happening to me yet we promised to act like she never existed, we need to pretend she died so she could live.

I growled at him feeling like my wolf wanted to take control of me. He just wanted to be free and run, find its other half. I think that would help with this sorrow.

"What if we stop and eat something by the road? You don't look too good" was his recommendation.

I don't think anything could pass through my system even if I wanted it to.

Breathing itself caused me nausea.

I think I was losing control and nothing could stop my wolf from breaking free.

Leo pushed me out of the road knowing someone could watch me shift, our existence needs to be kept hidden from the human world but I felt like I couldn't hold myself up again.

"Probably running will help a bit" Leo sighed at my sight.

I was helpless, I don't have a way to fix myself. Maybe if I follow her I could make amends.

I needed her even if she was imprisoned, but I needed her with me right now, I can't continue like this. It will be a matter of time before they all know their Alpha is becoming weak.

Probably bedding someone else will ease the pain, my wolf felt broken because his mate was known but we had to be far away now.

I ran, I ran back where we had to make her run.

I should've killed her, maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this and I could take another mate. That's what my father did after my mom died, he chose another mate, a chosen mate.

He never talked about these feelings, he was not open to any of us. Losing my mother so young didn't help me learn much about feelings, it was like I was just a killing machine to get to what I wanted.

Power.

Having a mate and everyone knowing of her existence will just make her one weak link and I couldn't have that, no one must know of her, no one should know I found her, no one should know she's still alive.

Her scent was dying down on me, the rain is to blame. It was pouring so much the night she left that I couldn't catch even a little bit of her now. There was blood around the area but it was not hers, it was the old woman's blood splattered around.

I lost all track of her scent but I still know how it feels like, it tasted like an open field of roses and vanilla. When I was a kid, vanilla was my favorite flavor of all, probably that's why she smells so much like the things I like the most.

I ran towards her old house, it was now empty.

I shifted back, it would be the weirdest if someone saw a huge wolf in this part of town.

Probably I should have killed the guy who tried to rape her. I felt our connection ever since our eyes crossed, but she was still human so she shouldn't have felt it.

I went to where her smell was the strongest, it was her room. It was stuffed with the smell of vanilla. I should stay here and never look back, but I still have a pack to run, I need to go back even when this place was the only one where I could feel the pieces joining together.

I looked at the only picture in her room, it was a picture of her with the old woman riding a bike. She had such a human childhood, does she know what she means to me? She wouldn't have left if she knew about mates and bonds, why was this woman keeping all of the secrets from her, she should have trained, she should have learnt about her nature while she was growing up.

This way she would have known.

Being apart will break us both in the long run, but she was just a kid. I couldn't have taken her with me either way, she would have been killed if anyone found out about her roots. Just knowing her name would be dangerous. Will she even try to come to this house?

I laid on her bed and fell asleep instantly, probably her comforting smell is what I needed the most.

When I woke up, it was due to a strong pain in one of my sides. I stood up from the bed ready to fight anyone but there was no one here. What was this intense pain I was feeling? Was it my mate?

Was I bound to feel everything she was feeling?

That will be a good punishment.

I switched and ran back to where my beta was. It was night time by now but he was still loyally waiting for me next to the car along with the driver, probably they already ate something.

I saw him smiling when I was back next to him, he could probably smell the girl's scent on me. I was laying on her bed for goddess' sake, of course I will smell like her.

He had a cloak in his hands which he put over me so I could switch back to my human form. I was exhausted at this point.

"I hope the run helped" he whispered with smile.

I hate that my beta is also my best friend. He knows everything about me.

"It did" I answered walking back to the car.

'Purchase her house, I want to keep her stuff intact' I mind linked my beta and he just nodded acknowledging my order.

I fell sleep again on the way back to the manor and to the pack, there was a celebration coming now that all "Channing" were "dead".

There was no one who could claim the reign over Westmanland, only if the girl listened to me which I hope she does. Faith, everyone knew her name. It was a common name between humans but in the world of werewolves, names were chosen for a reason.

Faith was supposed to bring power to her family and their pack before we attacked.

When I was named Killian by my father, he wanted me to be his warrior, to kill everything that was in between my power and reign.

And that's what I've been doing for such a long time, I knew no other way.

When we arrived at the manor the next day, everything was filled with laughter and music.

I felt extremely sick so I excused myself and went to my room to take a cold shower.

In the manor, only trusted warriors and servants were allowed. I know within the walls of the city there was still people who had hope about the Channing's taking over the power again but we were ruthless against those followers.

When they were found, we cut their heads and hanged them in the entrance of the city so everyone would know what would happen to them if they try to cross the line against us. And many even decided to join our pack, it's been seventeen years since we were ruling over this state and we've grown to be the most powerful, large and ruthless pack of all America.

No one could stand against us and live to tell.

I don't know how long was I in the shower for until a knock on the door woke me from my daydreams. I couldn't stop thinking about her, her plump lips, her skinny body yet full of curves. I wanted to have her with me and I can't believe Leo saw her naked body when she shifter.

I growled at the door knowing he was the one behind it. Knowing he saw her naked was making my wolf lose control and for some reason I wanted to jump on top of him.

"Alpha, there are some shewolves you'd need to meet tonight during the celebration. They will help you with the..." he coughed before continuing talking.

He knows we're not supposed to talk about this ever again, I will take a chosen mate and that will ease up my increasing weakness and sickness.

I turned off the shower and covered myself with a bathrobe before going outside.

"They are beautiful and powerful shewolves, you can take anyone of them or all, as long as it keeps you satisfied" he continued talking.

I was having casual sex with shewolves from the pack, I was not really faithful or compromised to one relationship, but now I felt like I couldn't even look at the girls that were being showed by my beta.

"I'm not interested" I simply answered causing a shock looked on Leo's face.

"You know you'll eventually have to take one..."

"Let's get drunk and enjoy the party tonight, alright?"

I had to interrupt him because I just didn't want to continue talking to him about this, I don't think I could look at other woman when my mind kept drifting me back to her deep blue eyes.

To her naked body.

To her.

"Alpha..."

"I don't want to talk about it, let's go be happy and celebrate the Channing's deaths" I just said.

"But they're not all dead" he continued worried of my reaction.

"To all of them, they are. And that's how it's going to be" I growled at him angrily and he left the room in silence.

I changed my clothes and dressed appropriately for a party.

When I went downstairs the silence reigned waiting for me to say a speech or something good for the pack, how could I celebrate her death when I knew she was pretty much alive and I wanted to have her here with me instead of afar?

There were people from all the close villages, they were all pumped up and the women were extremely lavishly dressed, I guess that's their way of getting my attention.

I took a glass of bourbon from one of the servers and raised the glass to begin the toast.

"We celebrate tonight, the death of our greatest enemy. The end of the Channing's bloodline ended and we're here to celebrate it, we no longer have to be afraid of retaliations."

"Yeah!" I heard their approvals through my speech.

"The never ending fight we'd have to endure for the last twenty years have come to an end and tonight... we celebrate for that"

I was not the most eloquent person, I was more of I want I act type of person but everyone exploded into applauses and loud chattering.

I emptied my glass and the servers made sure my glass was never empty throughout the night.

For some reason, every time I closed my eyes I could see her eyes looking at me.

I started to feel a stinging pain across my body that made me stop talking out of a sudden with one of the generals, he was the most trusted allied of my father and I couldn't look weak in any moment tonight, what was this little wolf doing to me?

'Leo' I called through the mind link, he knew I was not alright but I had to pretend even when I couldn't even breath.

He came as soon as I called him and laughing of some stupid joke walked me through the large balcony giving to the front of the town.

I could see everyone celebrating at the distance.

"What's wrong Alpha?" he asked worriedly.

When I tried to breath calmly but it was as if I was breathing some kind of gas affecting my lungs and making them burn as if I my insides were bleeding through all my body.

"Alpha" I heard a woman's voice calling through the doors and we both looked her way.

She was a beautiful blond girl with an amazing body, her curves were noticeable through the white almost see through dress she was wearing. I could tell she was not wearing underwear and that she has come specifically to me.

Someone sent her.

Probably her father, she was the daughter of the general I was just talking to before. She was nowhere close to Faith.

'Find her' I said to my beta and he nodded leaving the girl and I alone.

He knew who I was talking about, I couldn't continue being this weak. I need to kill her or mate her so I could move on with my life.

Her eyes were blue, but not that blue, not like my mate's.

"Who are you?" I asked the girl, I didn't know her name but I knew who she was.

"I'll be whoever you want me to be" she said suggestively walking towards me, she put a hand over my shoulder and looked right through her eyes.

"I think we can continue this somewhere else" she continued talking, I believe she misread my intentions. I wanted her hand out of my body.

She followed me to my room and everyone knew what we were doing in private, if not they all guessed what we were going private.

There was already a bottle of bourbon and food prepared on my bedside table, she prepared all this.

"I believe you will have to work for now"