Chapter 8 Substitution

Ray couldn't have been sure what exactly jerked him awake, but his eyes were wide open and full of life. He looked at the other side of the bed and Sharon was asleep, snoring softly. Her sound almost caused him to moan but because he didn't want to disturb her, he held back. He loved her so much, and could barely contain the pain of what was soon to come. It had been close to a year since they moved to Greenland and Ray could boast that he had never lived a more fulfilling year.

He spent the largest part, if not all of the time, with his wife and he only wished it could go on forever, but forever seemed to be closing in on them with each passing second.

In the night's silence, he could hear the ticking of the clock from where it hung. He didn't want to, but he savored even the sadness that spread across his heart. His eyes remained on his sleeping wife. He wished with all his being that he possessed the powers to stop the clock from ticking and reading. Maybe if he did, he would hold time until he thought it was right for a year to be completed. Turning away from his wife, he willed himself from thinking about the looming sadness.

He looked around and the dark humid atmosphere told him all he needed to know about the time. It wasn't close to dawn yet. He lifted the duvet on his legs and slid his legs down the bed onto the wooden floor. He searched for his bedtime sleepers and found them in no time. He stood up from the bed and went to the bathroom. He carried his phone with him.

The moment he sat on the toilet bowl, he turned on his phone. The first thing that screamed at him was the day's date. How could he forget? He couldn't. Not with the promise he made a year ago. His heart tore within its rib cage and he bit back the tears that stung his eyes.

At that moment, he also realized that his waking up all of a sudden wasn't any sort of coincidence, neither was it unexplainable. He finished from the toilet and walked out of the room, and out of the house making sure he made no noise with every step that he took. There was something he was grateful to for the life he had lived so far, for the privilege to be well again, and treat Sharon like the royalty that she was. It was something or certain beings that he met that day a year ago, outside the recreation center in the senior community. The gods disguised as a star, to give him a chance at life, a chance at fulfilling all his promises to Sharon. A chance to give his wife all the things she desired, to lift her burdens and set her free. All these were given to him by a red star, the same star that he supposed was waiting to see him outside at that moment.

As he walked out the door of the house he occupied with Sharon in Greenland, he allowed his mind to wander to that helpless day. That day he walked out of their apartment in the senior community at the sound of a voice calling his name. At the time, he wasn't normal. Still shelved by the brain disease that had taken the best of his life from him but when he heard his name from whoever made the call, his consciousness was revived. He comprehended all that was going on around him but he knew it was weird.

He decided to trace the sound of the voice and it led him out of the room, where he was, to the sitting room and out of the house towards the lawn in front of the recreation center.

He didn't know what he was expecting, but judging from the faces and activity of everyone he saw or met there, they had nothing to do with the voice that called him out of the house. They didn't seem to notice his added presence.

Ray kept looking around in search of who it could have been. The voice called his name again and that was when he realized that it was no human. The voice was calling him from the sky. He looked up and in the sunless sky, shrouded with clouds, he saw a star peeking from behind one of them, twinkling a red light. He froze in his spot and remained fixated on the star. The voice spoke again and this time he responded.

"Who are you? How do you know me?" He asked. Ray ignored the idea that others probably couldn't see the star. He didn't mind the people who stood around him. His mind coursing off the point that they would think he was mad.

"We have been hovering around you for a while, seeking to help, but you didn't ask for help. At least, not until yesterday night."

Ray responded with silence. Not because he wanted to be rude, but because he didn't know what to say. As far as his brain could carry him, recollecting the moment he asked for help proved futile. He rummaged his brain in frustration but nothing came forth. He quickly concluded that the beings made a mistake, but before he could speak, he heard the voice again.

"Well, you didn't ask for the help yourself, your wife did."

"My Sun did?" Ray asked and the image of his wife hung in the distance in his truckload of memories.

"Yes," The star said. "Last night, while you slept, she cried for help, she cried that you would be saved and you would become normal and we are here to be an answer to that prayer. We are here to offer you life."

"Can you really do that? How?"

"We know that you have a rare brain disease. It's called Corticobasal degeneration and the doctors have ruled out every chance of treatment or the possibility of you getting better. They have probably told you that it'll take a miracle to be healed. Or maybe they don't even think that can work either. But we have that miracle and we have brought it to you. Right now!"

"What makes you so sure you can proffer the solution to the problem if the doctors have ruled out every possibility?" As much as Ray hoped not to, his voice betrayed his resolve and communicated the hope building up in his heart.

"That's what we do. We help people whose life has been put on hold or paused due to the presence of a disease that affects their brain. Since you have called for help, we are here to help you too. If you are willing to accept our help."

Silence overtook Ray again, but the whole time, his head was lifted towards the sky, staring at the point where the star remained fixed. His heart questioned why they thought he wouldn't be accepting their help. He also found it difficult to decide if he could simply believe in a star. But it made sense because not only did they sound confident in themselves, but they were able to draw his attention from the inside out and also. And most of all, restore him to a certain level of understanding. What other form of convincing did he need?

"Why don't you think I will be willing to accept your help?" He said, hoping that their reply would instill more confidence in him.

"You have only a year," The star said.

"A year?" Uncertainty swallowed the hope building up in Ray as he awaited the answer to his question. Not knowing whether to regret asking or remain hopeful.

"It's a substitution, Ray, and we can only give you a year. You get to live normally as you used to before you were diagnosed with this dangerous disease. You will be given the ability to do more than you have ever done all your life. You'll earn the key to success and you'll achieve a lot more than you have in times past, but you get to do all these within a year."

"And you believe one year is enough to achieve all the things you have laid down? What could I possibly do in such little time."

"It comes with the ability that we will give you after lifting the disease from your brain. You would be able to do anything and exactly what you want, especially making lots of money. However, all these still come with a price. You have to be willing to join us when the year is over."

"Join you? Who are you?" Ray's brows contoured and his face squeezed into a frown.

"We have told you earlier, Ray. We are beings who spend our time searching for people who have been held back from living life to the fullest, due to one disease or the other. We give them the chance to live life once again and ask them to join us when their time expires on earth."

Ray ruminated for a few seconds. "Do you mean, that when I am willing to accept your help, I get a new chance at life for a year and become compelled to join your club?"

"Those are the criteria you need to follow."

"I'm in!" Ray said without lingering feelings in his voice. If he could live with Sharon for a year, and make enough money to give her a satisfactory life after he left, he wouldn't mind at all. That way, she would live a comfortable life, void of a diseased and helpless husband. Of course, he was willing. He was ready to accept anything that carried the burden off his wife. He would accept anything that set him free from the unbearable syndrome.

"You don't want to think about it?"

"What's there to think about? If I get to live life again, make money for my family, and also end it all by helping others, I don't think I would ever feel more. It's a million times better than staying locked up in a useless body. I'm ready to accept your help."

His eyes were hazy as something invisible, but heavy fell on him and threw him to the ground. He couldn't be sure how long the conversation with the star took or what happened after his body hit the cold ground. He didn't know why he woke up to find himself in a hospital room, but he was overjoyed to find out that his memory of Sharon was not distant anymore.

He recognized her the moment she stepped into the ward and his joy knew no bounds. The sacrifices she made when he was sick with Corticobasal degeneration swam into his consciousness and the soft spot he always reserved for her became softer. His heart longed for her. His fingers itched to touch her in a way that he had not for a long time. Somewhere between his lips, he longed to be reminded of how she tasted. His eyes savored the woman who had been his from her youth. He didn't know if what was happening was a result of his discussion with the star, but whether or not it was he was glad to be hale and hearty. All that happened one year ago.

The date on his phone made him remember the call that led him out of the house and the deal he had with the star a year ago. As he exited the house, the conviction that they had come for him disappeared and he realized that what he felt was a simple warning.

It was a reminder of the promise he made, and yes, he was overwhelmed with the information. He walked back into the room as stealthily as he did when he was going out of the house. He crept back into the room and the bed, careful enough not to disturb Sharon.

Laying down beside her reminded him that it was time for him to be honest with her. When she told him some time ago that she prayed for him to get well, he considered telling her that her prayer was answered and his being with her was a result of her cry for help the day before he got better. He didn't however. Because he realized that telling her that bit also meant that he had to tell her about the amount of time he had left. He didn't dare to divulge the information to her yet.

But whether or not he wished to share it with her, the time was here and if to avoid leaving her bewildered when he disappeared, he had to. He laid his head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling until morning, not a wink of sleep for the rest of the night.

The next night, Ray and Sharon left the house for a walk. Ray suggested it and Sharon agreed. She complained about being tired from staying indoors the whole time, doing nothing but eating and sleeping. When she passed the comment, Ray frowned at her and she chuckled.

He knew that she knew he was pissed that she teased him. She enjoyed doing it to see him frown. Or Ray at least thought so. Women were strange sometimes. Their being indoors was not characterized by eating and sleeping only. He made sure that all they did create memories, unforgettable ones. He wanted to leave his mark on and with Sharon. He knew that even if he didn't she wouldn't forget him, but he wanted their memories to be tangible.

The sky bubbled with stars of different sizes. Sharon danced under the beauty and refused to work like a lady. A long overdue night walk characterized by euphoric joy and peace, but the whole time, Ray pondered on what could be the right way to inform Sharon of the many things that occupied his heart. He didn't have to think for long, because a familiar star twinkled in the sky and beckoned to him.

Ray wished he could, but when the star began to converse with him, he lost every chance to hide away from Sharon. He knew very well that she would only hear his part of the conversation, still, when the star called him, he looked up into the night sky and answered. There was no running.

She stopped in her tracks. He could tell because her voice had gone quiet although he couldn't see her. The senses that emanated from her dancing dissipated into thin air and he knew she would be staring at him with fear. Perhaps, looking up at the sky. Trying to find out what caused him to stop in his tracks, look into the sky and speak to no one in particular. He guessed that she was sacred and his heart did a check, strengthening the conviction of her fear.

Of course, she was scared. Maybe hoping that all was well with him and he wasn't relapsing after a year of being completely fine. He wished he could turn to her to keep her assured and inform her that he was fine. And that there was nothing wrong with him, but he couldn't.

His conversation with the star went on for another couple of seconds. Sharon was still in shock when he came to himself and was ready to speak to her. Except she heard what he was discussing with the star. How he told them that he knew his time was up and he was preparing to leave everything behind and work with them as he promised. Sharon stood awestruck on the sidewalk.

When Ray took a step away from where he was towards her, she snapped out of her spell and drew back, looking at him with eyes that showed how bitter she felt. He recognized the contempt that stemmed from the thought that he betrayed her. He didn't know what to do and he didn't have to.

"What did you do?" Her voice reminded him of the day they got separated at the train station. She was so sure she was in love with him, but he was too business-minded to say the same about himself. She sounded as betrayed as she did fifty years ago, that night under the stars in the sky. Ray was clueless. He suddenly wished that he told her everything from the start.

"I can explain," He said, but Sharon was on her way back up, trotting angrily, farther and farther away from him. He followed her. If he didn't, she would regret it, he would regret it and he couldn't forgive himself if that happened. He had only that night left with her. It was his last day as a living human.

***

She was boiling. Her head scattered in different directions all at the same time. Her legs shook as she sped off ahead. Although her knees grew weaker by the second, she didn't want to stop. She wanted to scream, shout, and kick him in the leg. She wished she declined his request for a walk, that she stayed back at home and relished the company they kept inside. Her ears itched and she stopped her heart from believing the words she heard that night.

Because it wasn't supposed to be true. All those words he said while staring at the sky. Fear gripped her. What if he was sick again? What if something else was happening to him? The urge to scream engulfed her again, and it took the tears running down her cheeks to stop her.

She didn't want to be angry, she wanted to hold back her anger and listen to him, but she couldn't. She could barely believe her eyes, she wanted to block off everything she heard from the conversation she saw Ray having with the space. It was the reason she turned towards home. She needed somewhere to sit and she didn't want to squat. She heard the footsteps of Ray behind her. She knew he had a lot to say, she wanted to hear it too, but she wanted to get home first.

They weren't too far from the house, so it didn't take too long before the two of them were indoors. She wiped her tears as she rushed right to the bedroom and she heard Ray follow her. She removed her scarf as she entered the room and dumped it on the bed. She turned to face Ray. He stopped in his tracks, horrified. She wasn't smiling.

"I'll listen to you now," She said.

Ray nodded and pointed towards the bed. Sharon sat on a side. Ray sat on the other side.

"I'm sorry–" He started.

"Don't be sorry, Ray." She interrupted. The tears started to flow again. She sighed, wiped off both her eyes, and nodded. "Tell me what is going on. I need an explanation, not an apology."

"Do you remember the day I ended up in the hospital after fainting? That day, back at the senior community center, one year ago." Sharon nodded. "Do you also remember telling me that the night before that day, you prayed for me?"

She couldn't remember when it was, but she knew that she once mentioned to Ray that the night before he came back to normal, she prayed. She creased her brows, trying to connect what the prayer of that night had to do with what was going on. Ray was speaking again before she could sift through her thoughts for answers.

"That night, when you prayed, some powerful beings heard your prayer and they helped me."

She tried to process his words. Not god, but powerful beings? She would have been lying if she confirmed that she understood what was going on.

"You may not remember, but they are represented by a red star, twinkling in the sky like every normal star, but they are not the star. They only travel by the star. Instead, they are powerful beings who hover the earth seeking who to help."

"What do you mean, Ray? Are you fine?" Worry overrode the fear and anger. The tears lingered in her eyes when the gravity of the statement she made settled in her heart. She was sorry, but she doubted Ray's sanity. It was the next reasonable option to the nonsense her husband was clearly saying. She would have blamed his attitude on a movie or decided he was playing a prank on her. Only that she could not rule it out as nonsense.

She wished she hadn't been there earlier to see him converse with the sky or star or whatever. She wished she was deaf, unable to hear a thing of what was said.

"I'm fine, my Sun," He said. "This isn't the time to doubt me." He sniffed and moved closer to hold her hands. "A year ago, you came out of the room in the senior community on a certain night and prayed, even though it was out of the ordinary, for me to get better. You prayed with the whole of your heart and in tears, you asked for help. What you didn't know was that as you stared at the night sky, uttering your words of prayer, a star watched you, heard your cry, and brought help. The star called me out the next day. The star was the reason I stepped out of the house that morning. I wasn't kidnapped or dragged out by anyone. I knew exactly what I was doing when I stepped out of the house in search of the voice that called my name. I found them in front of the recreation center."

"What did they do to you?" Sharon shook her head in denial. For the first time since Ray became normal, she wished with all her heart that she didn't pray. Her cheeks flushed with tears. She made soundless groans, allowing the free flow of her tears. Ray touched her gently on the cheek, his eyes looked red. Sharon wasn't sure if he wanted to cry too. But he wiped the tears from her eyes as hurriedly as they flowed.

In gentle words, he said, "When they came to me, they talked about how they heard your plea and how they were ready to help me if I was willing to accept their help. I wondered why they would have thought I wouldn't be willing and I asked why. They told me about the big deal."

He paused for a while, pecked her hands, sighed, and continued. "They would be giving me the chance to live a normal life for just one year." His eyes bore straight into hers.

"One year?" The words came as whispers. If Ray wasn't so close to her, the words wouldn't have reached his ears. Her throat was heavy. If given the chance, her heart tugged at its rib cage wanting to bang its way out of her chest. "What do you mean by one year, Ray?"

"These beings go about the world looking for who has been held back by disease or something similar. They look for anyone who has brain problems, fix the problems, and give the person a chance to live an exceptional life for a given amount of time. When this time is over, the person has to abandon life and get on the star with them. We join the train of helpers."

"Don't use the word 'we'," Sharon whispered. She pulled her face away from the grip of his hands.

"The sooner you accept it, the better, Sharon," He reached out to her with his hands and cupped her face again. Her cheeks were still wet against his cold hands. She rested in them and released even more drops of tears.

"I came back for you, to give you a life that you deserve and much more. I came to fulfill my numerous promises to you. There didn't appear to be a better way than this. I love you, my Sun and if it's for you, I'll do anything. Anything to see you satisfied and at peace."

"I can't be at peace without you, Ray. You are my peace." She whispered. "Why are you telling me now that your time is up? What am I supposed to do with myself?" She looked into his eyes savoring the connection.

"You can enjoy the remaining days of your life. You would not have to worry about moving to a senior community because there is no money to cover expenses. You can live your life without having to wake early because you want to bathe your husband or take care of him. You no longer have to do the chores and laundry and cooking and all of that, like before because I have it all sorted out. It's already a life of peace for you, My Sun. The money I made in the past year is stored up just for you. The deed of this house is signed under your name. Your life is sorted out and that's why I accepted the help of the stars." His lips curled up in a big grin. She knew he wanted her to see the hope in the life he was leaving for her. But how could she?

He made her love him more. He expanded the weight of care and love that she had for him. Sharon's crying only increased in intensity and volume. What was she supposed to do without Ray? He hugged her tight and patted her back.

"I've told the children about this," he continued but Sharon pulled back from him.

"How long have they known?"

"Since we last saw, before we came to Greenland. It was hard to convince them that I knew what I was doing."

"That's why you didn't allow us to see another doctor regarding your health. It was because you knew you were unexplainably fine, but only for a year." She threw her arms around his neck. "I love you, Ray."

"I love you too, Sun," He said and his lips encircled her soft lips. It wasn't long before they traveled down from her lips to her neck and the most sensitive parts of her body.

With the kisses, the residue of anger left in Sharon melted and she sank into Ray's being. She wished she could dissolve into him, become one and inseparable. Somewhere in the depths of her heart, she wanted to replace him with herself and wanted the stars to disappear with her instead of him. He deserved a good life too.

His kisses reminded her of the past year. The love that brewed in her every passing day. The way she could never get enough of her lover. Her mind sauntered to his jokes, how he was mindful of her laughter and careful of all her pains. Ray Graham was her life. She could not begin to imagine it without him. She spent over fifty years loving and dolling on one man. His hands searched every corner of her skin, leaving trails she hoped she would feel forever. She kissed him and tasted his skin, wanting to hold every memory of him that she could.

The clothes she had on were tossed away one after the other and she helped him remove his too. Her eyes savored the beautiful old man who was about to make love to her. Her heart broke as she realized it was the last time ever. Her joys knew no bounds as she recounted the beauty of the past year and she could not be more than grateful that she spent those three hundred and sixty-five days with a Ray that was in his right mind. She was grateful that he made the sacrifice and chose to live a normal year for her sake.

When his hands cupped her breast, she squirmed and clung to his hair. She allowed him to give her pleasure and she did not slack in returning the favor. He was kissing her when he plunged into her and sent her screaming into the seventh heaven. He didn't withhold himself and she didn't pull back either. It was a hell of a ride. She wanted to call it the best one of her life. And it wasn't because it would be the last one with him ever. But it was because he gave his all to her that night. It was indeed the best. She lay in his arms and he held on to her tight. Sharon wished the night wouldn't end.

She wanted to sleep, wake up, and realize it was all a dream. She snuggled up in his arms and allowed herself to soak in his smell and be buried in his body and muscles. He whispered sweet words into her ears.

"On the train or land, in death and living, I could never stop loving you even if I tried. I was made to love you, my Sun." Her heart twisted as he uttered those words. He had said them before. On the night before their wedding when he recounted the way, he jilted her at the train station during their first encounter. He made that reassuring promise and she believed it ever since.

Her heart also broke, because he wouldn't be here to fulfill that promise anymore. Still, she savored the moment. Captured it and hoped it would stay in her head for as long as she lived.

She squeezed her eyes to shut the tears. They streamed down nonetheless. She cried to sleep.

The coldness on the other side of the bed woke her the next morning. She reached out like she had been doing for a year, but there was no response, no one but herself in the big house. She was all alone, all alone in Greenland.

Will and Susan showed up the next day. Of course, Ray told them again without letting her know.