Chapter 4 Mom

Her bowels ached so much it forced her awake. Her hands shook a little as she raised herself to a sitting position on the bed. The room was dim. Her blinds were drawn and since they were thick, light couldn't pass through, if there was any. She shifted herself, moving with only her buttocks until she was close to the bedside lamp on the left side of the bed. Her father had taught her to put on the light before doing anything in the room. With a little pressure on the power button, the lamp came on and illuminated the dark room.

She stood up from her bed and switched on the light for the room too. The room became brighter. She entered the toilet in her room.

After emptying her bowels, and feeling better, Edith walked over to the blinds and tried to look through them to figure out the time. It was outside, too early in the morning. Her dad would have been awake by that time. It was strange that he hadn't come to her room yet, but Edith didn't want to disturb him. She knew he was doing so much without her mother around. He was doing his best to be a good father.

She dropped the blinds, but instead of going back to bed, she stepped out of the room and headed to the kitchen. Funny how a minute ago, she wanted badly to ease herself, and then the next minute, her body was craving some water. She filled an empty cup from the sink and drank from the cup. She knew well that this was one of the things her father did not let her do herself. He thought she was too fragile to fill her cup or reach the sink. He never allowed her so close, not now and not when her mother was around. But he wasn't there and she couldn't wait for him to drink water.

"Edith!" A voice called.

The tone and sound were unfamiliar and her mind couldn't process the voice. She was sure she had never heard her name being called like that. She spun in her spot and glanced around the kitchen, but saw no one. It was weird. Where was the person calling her? For a while, she thought it was her mother, but she ruled out the possibility almost immediately. If it were her mother, she would have recognized her voice without so much thinking. She wondered if there was a chance that something happened to her mom while she was gone and that affected her voice. She didn't seem to know anyone who would call her name with so much surety except her mother and father. It was weird enough that the voice was so close, yet so far. "Mom?" She replied, a smile filling her face at the idea that her mom was back.

"Edith!" The voice called again and she walked in the direction of the voice, her smile getting brighter with each step. The voice led her closer and closer to the door. Her mother was probably outside. Maybe she had been there all along, maybe she had been waiting for someone to open the door for her, maybe she was lonely and she needed help like Edith did sometimes. One thing was sure, Edith wanted so much to see her mother. She twisted the key in the lock, heard the first click, and the second, and halfway through the third, the doorknob relaxed in her hand and opened to give way.

She dropped her hands and wiped her palms on her legs as she stepped out of the house through the door. She didn't shut the door behind her, she left it wide open. "Mom!" She called, expecting her mother to be waiting with arms open wide enough to receive her, but there was none. No arms, no mother, only space and a street doused in the dimness of sunrise. She walked down the stairs and checked her environment. She couldn't let up the opportunity her mother was giving her. Perhaps she was hiding or playing hide and seek. It was her favorite game anyway. But even after she searched diligently, there was nothing. Edith was confused and heartbroken. She started to cry.

"Edith!" The voice called again and this time, Edith knew it wasn't her mother's, couldn't be her mother's. She looked up in the direction of where she heard her name. She recognized the caller then. She didn't have to think twice, she just knew. The caller was in the sky, staring at her in the form of a bright twinkling red star. Edith cried even more from the confusion. She couldn't tell what was wrong with her.

With trembling lips, she asked, "Who are you?"

"Your father asked for our help."

The light from the star became brighter and brighter, much more than her eyes and body could contain. She tried to look away, but she couldn't. She was locked in contact with the star that called her from inside, outside. Her eyes quivered, her legs shook, and vomited every ability to keep her standing. She fell to the group, a mass heap of a thud. The light shone bright and disappeared. Edith lay lifeless on the ground, her body void of strength, weak and helpless. She groaned a little before going completely silent.

***

His eyes were heavy. His body cracked like a disjointed mechanical tool when he attempted to turn. No one needed to tell him that he didn't sleep well. After running around and crying at the doorstep the night before, he wasn't expecting anything different. There wasn't much three hours of sleep could do. The blinds were drawn and he caught a glimpse of the looming sunrise. He dragged himself out of the bed and pulled each foot after himself. He went to the bathroom. He washed his face, eased himself, and brushed his teeth, all in a few minutes. He cleaned his face with a towel and headed toward Edith's room.

As he exited the room, he was greeted by the unusual brightness emanating from the sitting room. The lighting was too much considering that he closed all the windows and dropped all the curtains before going to bed the night before. He changed his direction from Edith's room to the sitting room. The door was wide open. He could see it as he drew closer. His heart froze in his chest and his mind spun in many different directions, but all in all, he hoped it wasn't Edith that opened the door and he also didn't know what to hope for.

If a stranger left the door wide open, that was bad news. It could have been anybody, a thief, a burglar, or a homeless dude. The wind couldn't open the door, so he crossed off that option. If Edith was the perpetrator, there was a lot to be worried about. How she opened the door, what she was looking for, etc. He stopped walking and ran all the way outside. He pushed past the door and came to the street.

He didn't see her at first. His eyes scanned quickly through the road and when he didn't see anyone, he turned back to go into the house. Seeing no one made him restless. His concern was doubled and he wasn't finding clues to any answer. But as he turned, a mass of body attracted him by the side of the stairs. The clothes on the body were familiar. It was the same that Edith slept in the night before. Don's heart shattered with utmost pressure. He ran quickly towards her and grabbed her body with his shaky hands.

He knelt by her side and tried to find her pulse, but he couldn't find anything. Her warm body warmed his heart but wasn't enough to quieten his mind. Her hand was cold and Don couldn't tell if it was the weather or if he had found her too late.

He retrieved his phone from his pocket and dialed the emergency number, his hands trembling, his feet going from front, to back, to left, to right. He couldn't stand still, not physically, not mentally. He blamed himself for sleeping so soundly and forgetting that he was supposed to be taking care of a child who was too young at heart to fend for herself. He wondered how long it had been since she fell in the cold. His heartbeat sped when he attended to nurse the possibility that anything would go wrong with her. Things had to remain the same after the ambulance arrived, or Don was sure he would go nuts.

The universe wasn't supposed to be cruel to him. It should have been enough that they took Joan away. Were they trying to take Edith too? It was unfair, very unfair. Or maybe it was because he prayed for help? Did they think he was tired and he considered his child a burden too much for him to bear? His eyes grew misty, heavy with tears. He relayed the details of the emergency to the one who received the line. He paced and tried to resuscitate Edith. He cried harder with every failure, shaking the little girl and groveling at her side for her to wake up.

It was his fault. His fault for praying and expecting a positive change, his fault for misleading the universe with his complaints, his fault for sleeping instead of monitoring every movement of his child. He earnestly waited for the arrival of the emergency vehicle. The vehicle appeared a couple of minutes later. The emergency doctors ran out and helped Edith to a stretcher, they found her pulse and attached her to oxygen. Don followed them.

He couldn't help it, so he prayed again. This time, he was specific. He prayed that his daughter would live, not die. He prayed that the universe would favor him this once. He asked that they should overlook his misdeeds once and restore his child to life. Don had never begged more than he did on that journey to the hospital. Tears flowed heavily from his eyes. He just wanted Edith to be safe. He sat in that space next to her in the ambulance, and cried his heart out, praying earnestly for his daughter to live.

***

Sharon's already short sleep was disturbed by the incessant ringing of her phone the next morning. The sun wasn't up when she stood up from the bed, picked up the phone, answered the call, and went to the balcony because she didn't want to disturb Ray. The number wasn't saved on her phone, but if it weren't for the person's persistence, she wouldn't have picked up the call.

"Hello!" She said as she settled on the balcony. Her back was on the wall that shouldered the railings. Silence answered her and it was so for a few seconds more before she heard a high-pitched voice. She recognized the voice everywhere because of its peculiarity. She had not met someone as old as the voice owner having a voice so shrill and high. "Jessica Payne!" She responded with a smile that reached her voice on her lips. Her eyes were lit with happiness and mischief danced in them. No better time than when she was speaking with Jessica.

Sharon and Jessica became friends in high school. Jessica was the bird whose feather was the same as Sharon's. People called them the pranking duo. It wasn't a far-fetched nickname. It was a simple summary of what Jessica and Magaret were always up to as friends. They pranked every teacher in the school and no one could control them or put a stop to it. One time, they kept a rat in their biology teacher's bag. She was rummaging through the bag for her keys when the frightened rat bit her finger and fled out of the bag. The expression of fear on that teacher's face was priceless and the pranking duo laughed their hearts out. It wasn't just that, they told the story to the entire school and made a mockery out of their teacher.

The duo however parted when Sharon decided she didn't want to go to college yet. Jessica went to college, but Sharon took her journey out of town. When she decided to come back, she got married and they hadn't been able to come together again until the high school reunion started. It wasn't long before Sharon realized that Ray went to the same high school too. He was obviously her senior, and she wasn't surprised because that was the only high school in their community. Any other school was far away in another town. Those who decided to go there ended up being boarding students.

"Hey, Sharon! Where have you been?" One didn't need to be careful to recognize the pain and longing that accompanied her words and the tone with which she spoke.

"So so, Jessica. How about you? How are you doing? And to what do I owe this precious call?"

"No, Sharon. Don't tell me you have forgotten that today is the 50th high school reunion."

An alarm buzzed in Sharon's head. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her free hand. Of course, it was the 50th high school reunion and she should have remembered that more than anyone else. As much as she would have, she couldn't blame herself. The move had been draining, and taking care of Ray by herself had been exhausting. It would have taken a miracle for her to have remembered. But she didn't need to tell Jessica that, all Jessica needed to know was that she would be present because she wanted to be.

"Forgotten?" Sharon chuckled. "How could I forget? Ray and I spent a lot of money on this one. Of course, I can't forget and I'll be there."

"Good!" Jessica's voice vibrated with thrill. "Ray's coming too, right? I miss hearing that thickness in his voice." She attempted to mimic Ray's voice but failed terribly. Sharon laughed and Jessica did too. "You know what it is. You listen to it every day." She chuckled in defeat.

A sad smile spread across Sharon's lips. The words, 'if only' scattered her brain and disturbed her mind. She kicked away the feeling, shrugged, and put her focus on her conversation with Jessica. "He's under the weather. I doubt he can make it." She lied.

"That's sad," Jessica said. "But I guess it's what happens when we start to get old. My husband finds it difficult to move around nowadays too." She sighed. "Are we not getting old too fast Sun? I'm scared that our mates will start to die soon." Her normally high-pitched voice sounded flat. Sharon could tell that tears clouded her eyesight. She was starting to feel the same way too.

"Don't talk about death, Jess." Sharon sniffed, tears forming in her eyes as she thought of her husband and the possibility of the words Jessica uttered. "Let's concentrate on the life we have now. It's a gift in our hands." The giggle that left her lips was sad, but it made Jessica giggle too.

"You're right. And that's why you should convince Ray to be at the reunion today. Who knows? It could be the last time we get to see each other." The two of them laughed away the darkness digested in the sentence.

"See you at the reunion, Jess! I can't wait to see the matchless beauty behind your unique voice again."

"Me too!" She said and a pop sound indicated the end of the call.

Sharon sniffed and wiped the tears that laced her eyelashes. She was tired of crying, of realizing how old she and her husband were and all her friends too. As time went on, the parable about time waiting for no man became truer and truer. It was almost impossible to believe that only some years back, they were all young. They were energetic lads who sailed in their youthfulness. In those days, the times of adulthood and grey hair seemed so far. It was unbelievable that they were getting old. Their generation was passing.

She shifted her thoughts. If she really wanted to go to the reunion, she couldn't leave Ray by himself. It didn't matter that he was in a senior community surrounded by adults like himself, she had to find somewhere to put him for the day. An adult daycare center seemed to fit the description of what she wanted. The new hitch was how to find a day center in the next couple of hours she had before the reunion.

As Jessica reiterated, they never could tell which could be the last time they would see each other. The friends were getting sicker by the day, even though one didn't tell the other. They could see it in the excuses and withdrawal. In addition, she and Ray had contributed a large amount of money to the success of the event. It was only proper that she was present even if Ray wasn't. She was supposed to be a good representative of her husband. For all those to happen, she needed a day center as quickly as possible.

She didn't have an idea where to start until she remembered that when they first moved in, a list of numbers was given by the community for the sake of needs and emergencies. Sharon couldn't be sure that there were phone numbers of day centers on the list, but it wasn't too bad to try. She returned to the room. Ray was still soundly asleep, his snores were soft gasps and Sharon couldn't deny that she loved to hear them. It was one of the things that piqued her interest and got her caught. She loved watching her husband while he slept. His snoring was beautiful music to her ears. She looked away from him and concentrated on why she was in the room.

Her first search was the cupboard that was beside the bed. She kept the most important documents in there and although she wasn't sure the list was there, she kept searching. That was the only way she could tell if it was there or not. Fortunately, the list was in the cupboard, and it didn't take her long to find it. She skimmed through and when she realized there was a section that included numbers of adult day centers, joy filled her heart. Her wish was getting closer to becoming fulfilled.

She took the list and walked back into the balcony. That part of the house was fast becoming her favorite and she didn't mind. In fact, she loved it. She loved the closure it gave to her and the breathing space it allowed her. She carried a chair with her as she went. She placed the chair close to the rail and sat. She put the list on her lap and dialed the first number on it. It took her back to voicemail. Sharon began to wonder if the community had updated the list before giving it to them.

The second number rang for a long while before someone picked up the call, but even that was a dead end. The day center was fully booked and they couldn't take someone at such short notice. Sharon politely ended the call. There were ten numbers to ten different day centers on the list and by the time Sharon called the seventh number, she was starting to get agitated. Her hope also started to wane. It was either the center was too expensive for her to afford under the current circumstances, or they were too full or she was directed to voicemail.

Her head banged when she tried to think of other options. It didn't help that there seemed to be a commotion or shouting from the recreation center where the community members were likely gathered. Sharon could tell that it was the recreation center because that was the only social area very close to her apartment. It made sense if the noise was from there. It sounded too close and also like trouble, but she felt too tired to find out what could be wrong.

She decided to take a break for a while. She left the list on the chair on the balcony and returned to the room. She thought about completing her tasks for the morning, helping Ray, and maybe, if she called the three numbers after that time, at least one of them would give her a positive response.

The room greeted her with silence. The snoring was gone, but not just that, the source of the snoring was gone. Ray wasn't in the room. Sharon tried to remember if Ray called for help. She wondered had been too busy engrossed in a call that she didn't hear him seeking her assistance. Her conscience pricked her.

Ray wasn't supposed to be by himself. She checked the bathroom, and the toilet, but he wasn't there. She ran towards the kitchen, dining, and sitting room. There wasn't any trace of Ray. If Sharon thought she was agitated before, she certainly hit another level of agitation. All her mind could contain were ideas of where Ray could be, but none were forthcoming.

As she searched the apartment, she suddenly remembered the troublesome noise she heard coming from the recreation center. She grabbed a shawl to wrap herself from the cold and ran out of the house as fast as her legs could carry her. The door was slightly open. Her conviction that Ray had exited the house was strengthened. She headed towards the center praying with every fiber in her body that Ray was fine and nothing bad had happened to him. She even hoped that the commotion or whatever was going on there, was not on his account. She didn't want it to have anything to do with him.

***

He woke up and missed the warmth that was always on the other side of the bed. It never really happened. Anytime he opened his eyes, he was greeted by another set of eyes looking right into his, searching for traces of recognition in them. He knew she never found them, because the disappointment that crossed her face as she led him to the bathroom, bathed him, and clothed him, was evident and vivid for a blind person to see. Sometimes she was familiar, sometimes she wasn't, but Ray knew he was used to her. The woman who slept by his side and claimed to be his wife. He was fond of her and when he didn't see her, he immediately thought something was wrong. Fear gripped him because he feared that the woman would get tired and run by herself, leaving him alone on strange premises. He shook in trepidation and struggled to stand to his feet.

His hands were shaky. He knew he was half paralyzed because he could not conveniently use the right side of his body. But as he lifted himself off the bed, he saw himself move, despite the pain that shot through his body mimicking a train speeding through its tracks. He glided off the bed and for a while, he thought he was dreaming. Especially when someone called his name.

"Ray?" The voice was weird. He'd never heard it. But there was an urgency about it that made Ray lose focus of the search for his wife and concentrate on meeting the owner of the voice.

He didn't know so well what was wrong with him, but a scene flashed through his head when the doctor said delusion was one of his symptoms. He stopped considering the possibility of the statement that flashed through his head. What if the voice didn't exist and he was imagining it in his head?

"Ray!" The voice called with confidence and utmost certainty. Ray could tell without reasonable doubt that he wasn't being delusional. The caller was real, he just had to find out who it was. He draped himself in a coat, put on a pair of shoes, and walked out of the house, gathering all the strength in him. His wife could wait, she never could leave him anyway, but something made him want the voice, almost as though if he lost the source, he was losing a lot of things.

Outside the apartment was not crowded. For some reason, he walked toward the recreation center. He must have chosen there because it wasn't too far from the apartment or because there was a lot of crowd. There were lots of elders, people older than Ray, some even younger. Even as he saw them, he knew it wasn't any of them. At the entrance of the center, the voice called his name again. It was loud, clear, and audible. That was when he realized where the caller was. He turned and looked directly into the sky, where a bright red star twinkled. "Ray!" The star called and blinked twice, further confirming Ray's resolution.

He feared for himself. Maybe he had Corticobasal degeneration, maybe he forgot the memories of his wife and children, maybe he couldn't take care of himself, maybe he was delusional sometimes, but nothing had been more devastating. A star was reaching out to him. He wanted to believe that he was in a dream, that he was imagining the supernatural in that dream. It couldn't be real. The star called his name again.

His face remained glued to the sky, his mouth moved and the people in the recreation center were distracted by him. He thought he would have become a nuisance but he couldn't stop the conversation that already started between himself and the sky. It didn't matter that the people around him could only hear his side of the conversation. That was if they were close enough to listen and pick up the conversation, or even understand. Truth is, he barely even noticed them nor their concern about how mad he looked, standing in the middle of the road, looking up into the sky, and speaking to no one in particular.

He also didn't know when he held his head, screamed so loud, and fell to the ground. The crowd was around him, trying to see what to do with him. A few seconds later, Sharon was there and one of the community members was dialing the emergency line.

***

The commotion was louder the nearer she moved. People gathered around someone at the entrance of the recreation center, close to the lawn, and Sharon worried that it would be Ray. He could not walk all by himself, so the conflict about how he could have gotten so far from the apartment messed with her head. Not that the distance was so far, but for someone with his condition, it was supposed to be a hassle. Except someone had come in, carried him but left him, and ran off. It made her question the security of the community and the assurance that they had.

Sharon moved closer to where people stood. She caught a glimpse of a body on the floor. Her eyes were attracted to the jacket on the human's body. She recognized his hair and jacket. She knew from then without reasonable doubt that the person who looked unconscious on the lawn to the center was Ray. She pushed past the people and ran towards him. She heard someone making a call to the emergency line, telling them the address and the situation of things.

"Do you know him?" Someone asked as she cupped his face in his hands and filled them with the tears that exploded from her eyes. She didn't know what to say or how to react. Her heart pounded harder and she could swear that it would jump out of its cage if given the space. She wanted to scream but her lungs failed her. She helped Ray and just cried.

"Can you do something?" Another person asked her and more tears welled up.

"He's my husband," she managed to say after a while. She didn't want to say anything, but the initial silence at the revelation that the victim was her husband was replaced by more questions. Luckily, she was rescued from saying more by the loud buzzing of the ambulance's arrival.

The people dispersed as the experts penetrated the gathering and helped the fainted individual. "Don't let him die!" Sharon uttered over and over and over. Someone from the crowd held onto her. Ray was wheeled into the emergency bus and she rushed after them. They allowed her in since she was the only contact with the victim. The bus sped to the hospital.

Sharon cried even more at the sight of her husband, weak and helpless. Her mind sauntered to how she prayed the night before. Her mind was flooded with how many prayers were made for Naomi and how she still died. Sharon got even more scared. She didn't want to relieve the Naomi scenario. She loved Ray and wanted him to be well, and not die. That was not her wish. She wanted him to wake up, take her to Greenland as he promised all those years ago, live together, and die together.

Maybe he couldn't take her on the journey as he promised because of his sickness, but she was grateful that she had him. She was grateful that she could take care of him and love him. She didn't care if her body was tired or weary, she never wanted to lose Ray. She wanted him so much.

She blamed herself for being more concerned about the reunion than him. She hated herself for thinking that some stupid prayers could solve anything. Her heart broke into pieces and she just hoped that he would stay, and not leave her. The bus stopped in front of the hospital and Ray was rushed into the emergency ward.