Chapter 5 Confused

Should I care?

That was the grumble in Kinar's mind. Until she left the building where Anan was, this resentment still dominated her heart. Not only that, Anan's complaints about his barren wife seemed to be a snare so that Kinar would accept this contract marriage.

What a no-brainer!

Kinar snorted in annoyance. Her feelings were mixed and could not be described easily. Given her difficulty in expressing himself, even when he was angry, Kinar could only remain silent.

Damn!

A hot sting was present in both eyes without permission. It had been a long time since her parents died and Kinar always harbored the desire to cry alone.

But this afternoon, when the sun had not yet fully met the western horizon and the streets of Bandung were completely jammed, Kinar wanted to cry until he sobbed. Shewanted to lament the fate of his life, which was not as fortunate as other children. Those who live in luxury under the auspices of parents with a sufficient economy. They don't have to work hard because the facilities they want are available in the blink of an eye.

It sounds funny, yes, because it seems that Kinar is not grateful for her life. Even without being born into a family with money, Kinar can fulfill all his needs by himself. Her income from writing is unmitigated. So there should be no reason for Kinar to be jealous of those who live under the auspices of their parents.

Ah, I feel depressed!

Kinar got off the metro. The last stop was Alun-alun Bandung and it was crowded even though it wasn't the weekend. More or less diverted Kinar's sadness. The clear liquid that was about to drip was held back. Her limbs immediately walked to the line of street vendors and sat on an empty ceramic bench there.

"Are you sure about one?" asked the ice cream vendor to make sure. "How come it's this late at night? I usually lay eggs at the boarding house."

Kinar received her ice cream order and ate it greedily. The tall tower of ice cream was half left. Arif, the ice cream vendor, just shook his head. No longer surprised by Kinar's behavior.

"More." Kinar thrust out her hand asking for her order.

"Patience. I just said that I have to make it right away. I'm not a goblin who can play magic."

This was the only place Kinar could entertain himself. Among the crowd of people, the sadness and indecision that shackled him would dissolve. It didn't disappear immediately but it could lighten his burden a little.

Kinar is sad but doesn't want to show her sadness. Kinar was confused but didn't want to be absent-minded. Kinar needed support but remembered that he was alone. So only her breath was repeatedly taken.

"Mang?" called Kinar when Arif was busy calculating how much income today. "Suppose you are forced to remarry your wife on the grounds that she is barren. Do you want to?"

"My wife is not barren. You already have 3 children at home. Ferhan, Faidz and Faza. Why would you want to remarry?"

"For example, Mamang!"

It was wrong of Kinar to ask this important question to Arif. The 35-year-old man is fond of ndagel, aka considering everything funny. Serious but casual or casual but serious. Anyway, that's how it is.

"This goes back to each person. Barren is also not always barren. There are those who, after a few years of marriage, are verdict barren, and in their 20th year of marriage, they can get pregnant. Some are truly barren and choose to adopt a child. Deciding to remarry or telling your husband to remarry must also be consistent. Don't just tell but the end ends tragically. The world of marriage for me, who has been married for 16 years, is cruel. It's not good but we have to live with it and we have to be grateful for it."

Nothing in life is easy. Wanting what we want there must be a struggle in achieving it.

Kinar nodded in understanding. Arif's answer could be taken into consideration but there was still unrest in her heart.

"Do you want to get married?"

"Yes, uh, that means no. That friend wants to get married but is confused."

"That's right. Before marriage, you must be confused first. You have to think it through. Don't carelessly accept on the pretext of love and happiness. It's not impossible that the end of a life is happiness. But we are realistic. Nothing is as easy as turning our hands over."

Kinar's ice cream cone melted into her palm. The cold sensation brought a smile to Kinar's lips.

"I'm going home, Mang."

Kinar left a 50-thousand note next to the ice cream box and walked away, ignoring Arif's call. Kinar waved her hand casually.

Either right, or not Kinar's excitement this time. There are no provisions that she can take yet. It was different with Teguh who was still stuck in the office with his boss. Anan was not just anyone who easily let go of someone when his wishes did not materialize.

"Not at the boarding house, are you sure?"

That was a question that was asked to Teguh more than three times. Imagine the females. Doesn't that mean Anan is in love?

What's the connection? It's only natural to ask questions like that. Consider it a concern. Then who is Kinar for him to be worried?

Right, who?

"I'm sure, sir." Teguh exhaled. It would be rude to grumble in front of his superiors.

"Do you know where she is?" Teguh immediately shook his head. "What are you doing!? Giving information is not clear at all. I asked you to be as clear as possible, Teguh. That means where he went and where she usually spends her time, you have to know. Not half-assed like this!"

"Why don't you just look for it. Uh sorry, I don't mean that, sir."

"You're ordering me? Do you dare?"

Teguh became a man at fault when he didn't want to be in the middle of the story of the three of them. Love relationships are always complicated.

"I'm going to the apartment."

The silence that surrounded Anan's room suddenly became more tense.

"The regular one or the new one, sir?"

"The new one, uh but no!"

Teguh stroked his chest openly.

"You can go home!"

"What about you?"

"I can go home by myself."

More than that, Anan didn't want to go home. He didn't want to say hello to Ivana and follow the complications his wife had created. And among all the problems that had been created, Anan was eager to say the word divorce in order to be free from Ivana.

Anan had been foolish enough to love Ivana. Anan is not a dog that is given a leash so that at will it can be snared tightly.

Basically Anan is just a normal man who wants his home life to run without sharp pebbles. Unfortunately, that's impossible, isn't it?

Anan's resolve was already made up.

I don't know, the conviction comes suddenly and sinks like a flooded street. But if Anan doesn't follow his wishes, there will be regret.

Anan wants to stay with Ivana but Kinar tempts him more. And in that first encounter with Kinar, Anan knew there was something else alive with unexpected bursts. Something that awakens without a touch and Anan knows he's been very slutty at the beginning of his meeting with Kinar.

But who could have guessed?

It's true to say that falling in love is not violent. Now Anan was experiencing it for herself.

Anan knocked on the door of Kinar's boarding room when she was sure of her decision. Thinking later about Kinar who refused.

"Oh my God!"

Kinar looked frustrated. Anan gave her a grin.

"How are you?"

Stupid! What kind of question is that?

"Damn it!"

"Yes. I miss you."

Honestly with no bones about it.

"You're out of your mind!"

"But I'm really serious about being with you."

"Do you know what love means?"

Anan was silent. She stood still like a buffalo being poked. Kinar clucked.

"A rich man like you knows what love is, other than money and stocks!?"

I think Anan felt offended by Kinar's words. But silence was his course of action. Later, when the time is right, Anan will tell the truth about what love means in his eyes.