Chapter 5 5

In this instant: I'm not so invisible to him. But it unsettles me just the same, and I can't deny it. Having him close to me is quite unsettling.

I bite my nails.

My poor fingers!

It's a way to calm my anxiety a little, which is a lot at the moment. I look out of the corner of my eye at Julian's secretary, she had taken my turn and is sitting quietly.

Suddenly I remember something:

I have whiskers!

She raised her left hand and immediately brushed my skin with it, realizing that there are some whiskers coming out.

Frustrated and angry with myself: I grab my phone. My camera is not good enough , to observe if I have anything on my face. But I snort anyway. I put the rectangle away with little patience; bored I keep looking around.

I feel that the yellow wall in front is getting closer and closer to me, I think it wants to corner me and crush me against the corner.

I close my eyes; as soon as I open them I see myself on an exotic beach: which makes me smile. I'm walking, feeling under my feet the soft, fluffy sand, which slyly slips through my toes.

That in my imagination.

I look up, and the sun dazzles my eyes a little. Somewhat dazed. But at the same time satisfied, I can see Julian in a bathing suit in the distance.

Blushing, I approach his side and he indicates with his hand for me to sit next to him: on the lounge chair.

Obviously my imagination would never refuse a request of such a size.

So without further ado: I sit with my back caressed by his delicate hands.

I was already putting on sunscreen. I sigh, and say out loud:

"Julian, I love your massages."

"Miss..."

I hear a voice.

A voice?

I open my eyes realizing I'm speaking out loud: as I imagine Julian in a bathing suit.

＜＜Did I say I liked to see him in a bathing suit?＞＞

I feel my cheeks flushing and he stands a meter away from me, has a robe on, and looks at me while holding a spreadsheet in his hands.

"Hello doctor. I... I'm sorry, it's just that..."

"Were you... indulging a fantasy with me? "he asks amused.

"What? I will never have a fantasy with you."

He looks at me even more surprised, I give myself a mental slap for the silly thing I just said.

"I mean, I would have a fantasy with you, but....

"Don't worry... I think I understand... Do you want to come in? "he asks me.

"Of course, thank you," I say, blushing with embarrassment and awkwardness.

As soon as I get to the office floor, the same colors invade me, that peculiar floor with black and white rectangles, they accept to take me from one side to the other.

Julian. He closes the door behind him, inexistently I swallow saliva, feeling the water enter my stomach.

I move my hands, trying to calm my anxiety: because I no longer want to bite my fingers and mistreat them more than they already are.

"How are you feeling today? "he asks me.

"I think I'm fine, actually...."

I remember the words my friend had told me and again I feel I have to lie.

"Yes?"

"Actually... I'm feeling a little sore right now," I pout.

"I see, don't worry, are you ready for a pap smear?

"What? "I exclaimed rather terrified.

"The pap: don't worry, it'll be quick, I won't do you any harm.

I nod.

Although the truth is that I've had that one done before.

"It's... I simply exclaim, with a trickle of my voice."

"Sit down, I'll be right back."

I sat down on the black padded table, quite nervous.

To tell the truth, I didn't really know what to expect and my heart was pounding in a hurry.

Trembling, and with my nerves on edge: I began to scratch again and again with my right hand, the leather under my fingernails.

Suddenly, he appeared...

＜＜Why is he so handsome?＞＞＞

"You can lie down, relax.

I nod and without saying any words. I feel the coldness of the material behind my back.

I look up at the ceiling: it looks so neat, neater than my own toilet.

"You clean here often enough, don't you? "I ask.

"That's done by a cleaning company."

"Sure, but I have to work cleaning tables that will never be mine.

I opened my eyes in surprise: realizing what I said.

" I guess everyone has a different job," he shrugs.

He starts to pick up a little gadget that I don't quite understand what it's for and I look at him even more terrified.

On this day it was hot. So I had opted to wear a long dress, and apparently it was appropriate for this occasion.

The boy I liked the most in the world; the one I had been pining for for years was going to see my intimate part, which I had waxed rigorously thanks to Ana's advice. I had been suffering over and over again all the day before, I think I must now look like a tomato with two lips.

He, without a hint of embarrassment begins to prepare everything.

"Can you take off your dress... please?" he asks my permission.

I nod and lift it up, under my underwear, and he starts to proceed with everything.

The truth is that I have never had this done to me before.

Well yes... but no: with the person I liked the most in him.

I felt a slight uneasiness as he put the little device on me.

"Are you all right? "He wants to know.

"I think so, not really...."

"Relax, I'll just check if your intimate walls are okay, actually the pap for that."

After a few minutes... which are not even three minutes, he finally takes off his gloves after removing the apparatus.

"You look perfect, but there's something he won't let me mention beforehand.

I look at him confused, blink and frown.

"What is it? "I ask terrified.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin? "he wants to know.

I looked at him terrified, to tell the truth I had not crossed that little detail. He apparently seeing that: he can know if I am a virgin or not.

The truth is that I don't understand much about it.

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you."

" It's weird to see a 22 year old being a virgin, but it's okay. Good for you," he comments amused.

I roll my eyes at my awkwardness, and put my underwear back on and pull down my dress.

He, if nothing else, doesn't even look at me, his mind always starts making notes on a small piece of paper which I don't understand and he looks up at me.

"You look perfect. Don't worry. I will give you an appointment for next week: to see if you are still better.

"Thank you doctor, thank you for taking care of me," I comment and shrug my shoulders.

As I grab my purse and was just about to leave... I turn around.

"You... are you going to the café today? "I want to know.

Although it's more like a resto bar than a cafe.

" Sure, are you anxious to see me already? "he comments amused and I look at him with surprise.

＜＜Am I that notorious?