Chapter 4 4.

He is sitting there and I am certain that he is looking at me, as he always does, and lingering even longer when he stares at my legs. He always does that. And it's not my fault that I'm wearing these short shorts. I swear the last person in the world I expected here today was him.

I look at him again and catch him looking at my butt the way I imagined he was doing; he holds up his cap and lowers the brim a little with a smile and realizing that he is a little embarrassed, just makes me want to run to him again.

I turn around, taking a deep breath to control myself because I know he is doing the same. I then ask him if he wants to help me. He promptly says he can try, and I end up laughing. I say:

''Just stir this syrup non-stop, while I look for the pan that I'm going to put the cake in.''

He agrees and takes the spoon from my hand. This closeness doesn't make me want to keep control around him, and I don't recognize myself anymore.

I've never been like this, I've never thrown myself at any guy, but this whole thing about us having to keep our distance until I'm eighteen is driving me crazy. I put the cake in the pan and ask him to turn off the heat. He follows me after I take the pan with the chocolate syrup.

He sits down again, facing me. He watches me as I pour all the syrup over the cake. I say without looking at him:

''You don't look twenty-seven years. And even less wearing that hat.''

He just smiles. He knows I looked it up and I don't care. I complete without even looking at him:

''I wish you were seventeen and didn't have to be so responsible.''

He laughs again. I say:

''You know that the less you talk, the more space there is in my mind for me to think about us and the way we kissed last night, don't you?''

I look at him, and he immediately understands what I mean. He takes a deep breath and then says:

''Can I try it?''

I stare at him smiling, then he realizes what I am imagining and completes:

''The cake.''

I laugh even harder and he takes another deep breath. I enjoy knowing that he also has to control himself when he's around me like this. The problem is that it only makes the atmosphere between us even more exciting.

I take a piece of cake and hand it to him. I sit down and watch him eat. He says it's great. I smile and thank him for the compliment. He then looks at me and says:

''Won't you try it?''

I just say:

''I'm not a big fan of cakes.''

He questions:

''And what do you like?''

I think about it for a while. Then I say:

''Well, I guess, lasagna.''

He then goes back to eating the cake again. He looks at me, and I am looking at him because I simply cannot do otherwise.

He holds the spoonful of cake in the air for a while and then moves his eyes down my body and as I sit facing him, my shorts show even more of my legs.

He stops for a while there, then takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a while, and says:

''Don't wear those pajamas anymore, for at least five months. I swallow hard.''

He looks at me for a while longer and I feel as if I am being undressed by his eyes and it gives me goosebumps. As far as I can tell, he seems sorry that he said that. Because this moment is becoming complicated for me and him.

I take a deep breath and then say, "I met a girl earlier today.''

He seems grateful that I started this random topic. He goes back to eating his cake again, then says:

''What is her name?''

I think he asks more by pure chance, but I say, ''Jillian.'' He looks at me and says:

''Jill?''

''Do you know her?''

''Of course! I mean, I've seen it a few times. Her mom makes brownies and cupcakes and she delivers them.'' I think that's funny. He must be a fan of candies. He talks a little more about the neighborhood and finishes eating. I ask him if he wants more; he says he'd better not because he'll need a lot of exercise time later. I stand to put the plate away, look deep into his eyes for a while, and say:

''I've seen it and you can be sure it's very good like you are.''

He doesn't think but just pulls me close to him and says almost as a whisper, looking into my eyes.

''It doesn't do that...''

I try to play dumb:

''What?''

He says:

''Don't tease me like that.''

He is panting like me. I close my eyes because I want him to forget this silly story and kiss me now. But he doesn't do that. He just pulls away and says:

''I think I'd better go now.''

He leaves me standing there and trying to catch my breath. He turns from the door and I look at him, who says:

''It was worth it for the cake. It was great.''

...

I knock on the door. Jill opens it and looks at me in surprise. I say:

''Hi!''

''Samantha! Come in!''

I enter and as she closes the door, I say:

''Earlier when I ran over you.''

She laughs and I continue:

''I was going to the supermarket to buy ingredients for a cake and well. I hand her the piece of cake I brought.''

''Here, I brought it for you.'' She takes the cake and looks at it for a while. Then she says:

''I'm sorry, I can't eat candies because of diabetes, but I'll save it for my cousin Ryan, he loves them. But thanks anyway.''

I just smile back. She leads me into the kitchen and while putting the cake away in the refrigerator says:

''Mom, this is Samantha,'' I say:

''Call me Sam.''

''Hi Sam, I'm Holly.''

I tell her it is a pleasure to meet her and Jillian asks me to accompany her as she goes up a flight of stairs. We are in her room and I find it weird because she treats me as if she has known me all my life. She says:

''Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I have to finish these necklaces that the girls at school ordered.''

Jillian's mother has a kind of hippie look and I think she inherited some of that, too. She asks me to pass the pearls according to the color she asks for and everything becomes very colorful.

''How did you know where my house was?''

''Stan told me.''

She looks at me in surprise and says:

''Did you talk to him?''

''Actually, it was a little more than that.''

I smile, embarrassed, but I want so much to tell someone about this. She looks at me expectantly and I say:

''We have kissed once.''

She looks amazed and moves closer.

''And what else? Sam, I need details. Nothing ever happens here.''

I end up laughing. She is easy to be friends with. But I quickly say:

''Nothing else happened. He said he won't touch me again until I'm eighteen.''

She sighs and says:

''I don't know if I think that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, or the most adorable.''

She laughs and so do I. Then she says:

''He is so hot. Lucky girl!''

I end up smiling. I like her.

A few days later...

''Why don't you talk to him?''

I was startled to hear Jillian behind me. She had gone to another section a few minutes ago. She continues:

''You have been undressing him with your eyes for half an hour!''

''Why did I even bring you shopping with me?''

She laughs and says:

''Why didn't you want to come alone?''

I end up laughing. She says:

''Hurry, Sam. You haven't spoken to him in days! I need another chapter in this story!''

I end up laughing a little louder than I expected, and Stan looks in our direction. I turn back instinctively. Jill still looks at him and says:

''He's coming, friend.''

I take a deep breath. My heart is jumping in here. I hear him say:

''Hi, Jill.''

She smiles contentedly as she nods at him.

I turn around.

''Hi, Samantha.''

Damn it!

Even the way he pronounces my name is sexy. I take another deep breath. And he is looking at me and smiling. I hear Jillian say:

''I think I'll get some fruit.''

She leaves. I don't know if I see where she is going. I need to stop staring at him and say something. Then I look at his shopping cart, which seems to have too many ingredients for a person who lives alone. I say after a while:

''Are you planning a party?''

He laughs, breaking up with me without even realizing it.

''Actually, I am.''

I look surprised, and he continues:

''Dinner at my place on Friday and I invited you.''

I feel exhilarated, but he continues:

''Your mother will go too, and Jenna. I still have to check with them.''

It is kind of frustrating to have to share it with more people, but at least I will be close to it.

He notices my not-so-subtle change of expression and asks:

''Are you okay?''

I know between the lines of what he says that he wants to know if I am okay with what is between the two of us, with this damn proposal to keep our distance. I just take a deep breath and say:

''Yes, I am.''

He smiles. I say with a frustrated smile:

''You find this all amusing.''

He laughs even harder and says:

''Believe me, this is anything but fun.''

''Describe it.''

He looks at me surprised but realizes that I am serious, so he says:

'' It is lonely, sad, and my arm is already sore.''

He blinks and runs his tongue over his lower lip as he stares at me. I swallow hard. I am a little speechless.

''Stan?''

A woman comes toward us and greets him with a kiss on the cheek, which he returns. I just look and she smiles at me, making me recognize that hair.

Jillian arrives and Stan looks at me and I just say goodbye, leaving him not knowing how to act while the woman talks animatedly to him. And in the car back home I think:

"That black hair...".

And I realize where I remember her.

...

And I spend the rest of the day and Thursday night wanting to go over to Stan's house and ask him some good questions. But feeling stupid for caring so much about the fact that he was talking so friendly to the woman he was "screwing" when I moved in.

And I realize that I'm dying of jealousy of him and I don't think I should feel this way because we have nothing...

Still.

...

''Why didn't you tell me about this guy before?''

Haylie practically screams at the other end of the phone.

''Well, I honestly don't know. I just thought it was better to tell you when something was going on between us.''

''More than that?''

I end up laughing. My mother enters the room and I turn away from the phone and say:

''Do I have to go?''

She rolls her eyes and says:

''You don't want to waste that makeup that took all this time doing and undoing, do you?''

I roll my eyes.

Stan told my mother that Emma was going to bring a nephew of hers who is the same age as me, and my mother got all excited. Little does she know that I have no interest in meeting this boy, much less his aunt.

I say goodbye to Haylie, promising to tell the entire story later.

...

We arrive and are greeted by him, who immediately greets my mother, gives me a dry hello, and asks us to make ourselves comfortable.

Emma is sitting near the kitchen island with a glass of wine in her hand and smiles when she sees us and comes over to greet us. I wear my best smile and Stan avoids contact with me, even though I already know who she is.

My mother pours herself a glass of wine and I sit in a corner. A few minutes pass and I feel like a fish out of water.

This is going to be a long night, boring conversations, Stan ignoring my existence, my arch enemy practically throwing herself at the guy I'm madly in love with...

I was more sure of this when I got here and he wore that apron and I realized he was going to prepare dinner tonight.

Now I am drooling here looking at him covertly while Emma does her best to steal a smile from him by saying something in his ear whenever she approaches him to help with some ingredient he requests.

I take a deep breath.

I will not stand here and be ignored by him. I didn't wear this dress with this neckline for nothing and I did discreet make-up, but it took hours to do.

I stand up and see that he hasn't even noticed. I take off my coat, and now I'm only wearing a dress. He hasn't even seen that I exist.

I walk over to the counter and say:

''Mom, I want some water.''

She is about to turn to me, but Stan turns around saying:

''Next to the refrigerator.''

He keeps his eyes on me for a few seconds and then moves his gaze downward, stopping right where I wanted him to notice.

He blinks twice before turning back to the stove where he is preparing something.

It looks like the night will not be long just for me.

I smile, satisfied.