Chapter 3 Deux

Iyana's POV

I let out a sigh as I unlocked the door and toed off my shoes at the entrance.

"Tadaima!!!" I shouted from the door as I made my way in. My animes were paying off I thought as I smiled at myself. Thundering footsteps met my ears and a blur of curls shot into my arms with a scream.

"Mommy!" my 5 years old daughter screamed and I laughed as I picked her up and peppered her face with kisses and she rewarded me with giggles. She was the reason why I looked forward to the end of work everyday.

"Hi Baby." I said with a smile as I buried my nose in her neck to inhale the smell of soap on her skin. Amari Louisa Garvey is the brightest star in my life. I had her when I was 24 and I live for her because I know deep down that without her, I'd probably be gone by now. She is my reason for staying alive and the only good thing (and the best) that came and remained from the dark part of my life. It scared me that she was growing up. I wanted her to be my little girl forever.

"My tooth fell out." she said as she gave me a toothy grin to show me the missing tooth. She has baby soft hair that looked as kinky as my African roots but eyes as blue as her father's and that made me shiver within my soul. She also got the tall genes from her father but she got everything else from me, thank God.

"Awwn." I cooed when she gave me the said tooth.

"I told mum-mum to put it back with her sellotape or glue but she told me she can't. So I waited for you because you are the best at everything, I know you can do it." she completed with so much hope in my capacity to put back her tooth that I felt bad because even my super powers that came with being a mum wasn't enough to put back in a fallen tooth.

"But if I put it back in, the Tooth Fairy won't come in for a visit and you won't get a dollar and some candy." I replied and she physically deflated right there before my very eyes and her smile fell.

"But I don't want the Tooth Fairy to take my tooth. What will she do with it?"

"Keep it safe until his brothers and sisters are united with it because you took good care of the tooth. Don't you want a candy?"

"But you said I can't have candy at night."

"Yes I did. But you can eat it during the day and if she leaves a dollar too, you can buy anything you want. Isn't there something you want to buy?" I asked and she began fiddling with my necklace.

"I want to replace the toy I broke. I'm sorry I broke the train you gave me on my birthday." she muttered before burying her face in my neck. I rubbed her back as she slipped her thumb in her mouth.

"I told you it's fine sweetie. Mr Choo-Choo is in toy heaven now. Isn't that good?" she nodded. I kissed her forehead. "Were you good for mum-mum?" I asked and she nodded again.

"I missed you today after school." she muttered around her thumb. It was at that point that I remembered that I promised to be the one to pick her from school.

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I was so busy at the office. Forgive me?" She shook her head. "I'll cry if you don't. You know I get sad when you're mad at me." I said as I pretended to cry and she kissed my eyes before flashing a smile.

"I forgive you." She said and I kissed her cheek again before replying. "Thank you Baby. I love you."

"I love you too." she replied before wrapping her arms around my neck as she began chattering about what happened in school and how she did finger painting. I went in search of my mum. She was dishing out dinner when I walked into the kitchen.

"Hi Mum. Good evening. I said before pressing a kiss to her cheek and she rewarded me with a smile and a hey baby, hope you're good. My family was the source of my strength.

"Mum-mum said dinner is chicken and potatoes." Amari supplied as she got out of my arms and into her seat as she looked forward to eating. I've never seen a 5 year old get as excited as she did whenever food is involved. I reached behind me and unfastened my bra so that I could eat without restrictions since I didn't have the opportunity to get out of my work clothes. I didn't want to make them wait longer than they already did. I washed my hands in the sink before pulling out a chair between my mum and my daughter.

Amari reached for her spoon and my mum spoke up before I did. "Amari what's the first thing you're supposed to do before eating?"

"Oh. Sorry mum-mum. I forget." she quickly pressed her hands together and closed her eyes and said in a haste "Bless this food, God. Amen."

I chuckled and echoed Amen and chuckled harder at the disapproval on my mum's face. She didn't like eating without blessing the food, and she didn't like it when blessings weren't properly said. I shook my head at her when she wanted to say something and she nodded and let it go.

"How was work today Mila?" she asked and so we talked about the day and how it went. Amari ran off midway through dinner and a minute later, I was presented with the result of her finger painting. I put it up on the door on the fridge after giving her a proud smile.

After dinner, we watched a little bit of TV, did her homework for the day and finally, by 9pm, I tucked her into bed after putting the tooth under her pillow. We had a nighttime ritual of talking after her nighttime story and then praying before she went to bed. My body ached from being tired and sitting all day but I put on a smile for her. She didn't need to know how tired I was. I was eternally grateful for my job because it paid more than enough. I wanted her to have everything I never had. I earned enough to pay for a good school, I got the toys she needed, we lived in a good neighborhood, I gave the best I could afford and that was a lot. I was also grateful for my mum because I worked harder and easier knowing that my daughter was safe with her grandma. Everything would have been worse if I didn't have her.

"Anything you want to talk about sweetie?" I asked as I gave her her Winnie the Pooh Bear and she looked at me with familiar eyes. She had a lot to say.

"Why don't I have a daddy?" she asked and my heart sank into my stomach. No matter how much I wished the day she'd ask that question won't come, I knew it would come but I still wasn't prepared for it.

"I..."

"Other kids in school have their daddies that come to take them home and let them ride their backs. Evey said her daddy's teaching her how to ride a bicycle."

"Your daddy went to human heaven baby." I said softly as I reached out and touched her cheek. Liar. Heaven my fat ass. I hope he rots in hell. My subconscious screamed and I gave my daughter a soft smile.

"Was he good?"

"Yes he was. He was very good." He was lower than the scum of the very earth we live in.

"Do I look like him?"

"A little. You have his eyes and you're tall too."

"If I pray to God for a new daddy do you think he will gimme one?"

"Definitely my darling. He answers the prayers of little kids." I replied and she smiled as she finally relaxed and held my hands and we said her night prayers and I kissed her good night, dimmed the light and left the door open and made my way to my own room. I left the door open too in case she wakes up in the middle of the night and decides to crawl into my bed.

I finally got out of my work clothes and turned on the tap to fill the tub with water. While that was happening, I looked at the mirror. Talking about her father brought back memories. Horrible memories. I shook my head to clear the images that began floating back into my head. I looked at the woman that looked back at me from the mirror. She looked stronger and better than she did years ago. She had more self esteem, more dignity, more self respect. All that because of Amari. I wanted her to have a mother who was proud of herself, who knew not to take shit from people, I wanted her to be proud to call me her mother.

I reached out and touched the small scar that marred my temple. It was almost invisible now but it was still there. Nipples and belly button piercings I got for the wrong reasons stared back at me. I traced the CS scar from Amari's birth with the tip of my finger and her face and toothy grin floated back into my mind and I looked away from the mirror and got into the tub and water sloshed over the edge of the bath and onto the floor as I got in. I had a relaxed and happy smile on my face.

I'm not yet where I want to be but I'm no longer where I used to be.