Chapter 7 Promise Me

The household was up before sunrise. Horses protested over being disturbed by rough hands, boys swore as they lugged around heavy trunks of clothing, and serving women screeched at one another, as they double checked rations and served a quick, mostly thankless breakfast to our horde of parting guests.

Through all of this, I slipped unnoticed. My Aunt was too bleary eyed and busy shouting orders to those loading her personal things to bother worrying herself with me, my Father was off in some sheltered corner, having last minute words with my Uncle, and both Fynn and Raff were nowhere to be seen. Lord Patrick, I assumed, was still in bed.

I made sure I found my Aunt and said goodbye, though she waved me off before I parted with more than a sentence or two, telling me to make myself useful somewhere else before I got myself injured by one of these 'temperamental beasts.'

I'd nodded my head like a good little niece then slipped inside, away from the deafening noise and the first fingers of orange light.

It felt good to know that in a matter of hours home would once again be as it should. My Aunt and Uncle would be well on their way, taking their thirty or so guards and serving people with them. I had both Raff and Fynn back, my time to myself, and a knowledge that my father wouldn't be accepting a proposal of marriage for me anytime soon. All that was left to do now was pray that Raff completed this plan of his before an offer crossed my Father's table that really was too good to refuse.

"Caitlyn... Caitlyn! Over here... quick."

I looked up, startled by the whisper. "Fynn?"

"My chamber, now. If you know what's good for you, you won't let anyone see you."

I frowned at him.

"Now Caitlyn!"

My eyes widened, but I picked up my skirts and hurried away, heading for my brother's room as he pulled his head back inside our father's study and shut the door. Whatever was going on, it was meant to be kept quiet.

I reached the door to his room and looked around. No one was there of course, since every able person had been put to work helping our guests depart in a timely fashion. And if anyone did happen by, they would think nothing of me standing at Fynn's door. He was my brother.

I lifted the latch and pushed open the door, my heart pounding. It shut without me touching it, and I was wrapped in someone's arms, my body pressed against theirs in the fiercest of embraces.

"Raff? You're crushing me."

He loosened his grip, barely.

"What's going on? Fynn said I had to go to his room but surely he wouldn't have sent me here if... what is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

One of his hands left the small of my back and snaked its way up to my cheek, caressing it. His eyes were sunken, tired, and he was looking at me as one would a lover before heading off to battle.

"I'm leaving."

"But you only just got here!"

"Shhhh. I know. But I have no choice. Lord Patrick is readying as we speak and I must go with him."

I felt tears, stinging behind my eyes. "Lord Patrick? Why must you go with him? Is father sending you away? Does he know about us?"

"No, little dove, he does not know, nor is he sending me away. This is just something that must be done."

"It's for us, isn't it? Part of your plan to win me from Father."

He nodded, his eyes running over me, taking in every inch of me.

"But Fynn said... Fynn said you'd get yourself killed, that you wouldn't survive it."

"You heard that?"

I nodded, feeling wretched. The light of my heart was leaving for what Fynn deemed certain death and there was nothing I could do.

"I didn't hear what it was, only that it was death."

He let out a sigh. "It's in your brother's nature to worry about those he cares for. I will be fine and I will come back to you alive, I promise. All you have to do is wait for me."

"I'll wait til I'm old and grey."

He smiled at that, though I could tell it didn't come easy. "I'd like to see that. You, old and grey, and wearing that ring of mine." He leant forward and kissed my forehead, his lips soft on my skin.

"You keep your promise and I'll keep mine," I whispered. "Speaking of which -"

There was a light tap at the door.

"I have to go."

"Already?"

"I'd stay longer if I could, believe me." He released me with a look of effort, but took my hand and raised it to his lips. "And as far as that other promise, I have not forgotten."

I nodded, trying my best not to cry. I could do that to my heart's content once he was gone, but not now. Now I needed to memorise every look and touch, every word and promise. For all I knew, it would be the last time I ever saw him.

"Stay safe little dove."

"I will," I whispered, feeling my heart break as he slipped out my brother's door.

It shut softly behind him, leaving me on my own. I clutched at the ring concealed beneath my dress as I made my way over to Fynn's bed, my tears falling in an unstoppable torrent.

I must have cried myself to sleep, for when I woke, the sun was strong, its light filling the room with an unforgiving heat. I sat up and lifted my hair off my neck in an attempt to cool myself. It didn't help. I wiped the tear stains from beneath my eyes, took a deep breath and made myself stand up. My dress was crumpled, but I didn't care. I had no Aunt to lecture me, no sweetheart to impress, just a brother who knew my secret, and a Father whose attentions lay on his friend's estates, far from here.

The world outside Fynn's door had returned to normal. Servants bustled, dogs barked, and the smell of freshly baked bread had made its way through the entire holding, even as far as here, the rooms at the opposite end to the kitchen. Not that I had much of a stomach for the usually tantalizing smell. I trailed my fingers along the wall as I walked, thinking how odd it was that I could feel so empty, like my heart itself had ceased to beat, yet everyone else seem so untouched. Could not this aching grief, clutching at my insides, be felt by every living, breathing creature within these walls?

Yet, as incredulous as their indifference seemed, I was glad for it. For if they could feel what truly lay within me, they would surely know the cause once Raff's strange departure was made known. I guess to some extent, it would be quite natural for me to be seen worrying over him, and considering how much I doubted my ability to hide my worry once time wore on, I deemed that a very good thing.