Chapter 2 Plants saved my life... because apparently I keep trying to die

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me you ungrateful kid."

Yeah right. Me? Ungrateful? Pffft.

"Jett..."

"Don't Jett at me. I told you one thing. ONE THING!" Jett shouted walking around the cave and I had a hard time to notice him, since his earth tone skin kept blending with the stone walls of the cave, and his dirty clothes, didn't help the case at all. "And you failed me." The gnome pointed at me his chubby finger, glaring.

I wanted to look scared for his sake, but his face had turned red, and since he was short (so short I could use him as a gardening statue outside of the cave) he looked ridiculously cute and adorable. But I wasn't going to say that to him. The annoying prick, always kept a cans with him to help him walk around (he was perfectly fine, but according to him, the cane made him look wise. Go figure.) and to hit me with it to knock some sense on me. It didn't always work, but it always hurt.

"Oh come on now. I didn't mean..."

"DON'T EXCUSE YOURSELF." The annoying gnome threw his arms in the air so dramatically I considered giving him an Oscar Award.

Jett is annoying half of the time. The other half he is either sleeping or eating. I happened to walk around his place deep in the forest when I was ten years old, and he saw me and thought: "The poor little thing. I should be his gnome daddy." Which is ridiculous because a) I'm not a poor little thing and b) gnome daddy? Seriously?

But long story short, he has been following me around everywhere I go since then, and wouldn't stop yelling "EAT THE BROCOLY!" until I was sixteen. Which means a few months ago. But at least he helped me find the necessary plants for medicine that I could sell and his waffles are the best so...

Now I can't deny I kind of liked having him around acting like a father to me. Being an orphan before I could even start talking in proper sentences, living in a world where magic and technology are so mixed up it gets confusing... not knowing who I am... what I am... having a psycho gardening statue acting all parentally felt nice.

But I won't admit that to him.

I dared to open my mouth again to defend myself, but the gnome exploded again, his white air looking like white flames as he shook the head furiously while yelling. I couldn't stop imagining words getting stuck in his trimmed white beard for some reason. It looked funny.

"How could you dare?" Judging by the look in his eyes and the way his voice quivered in the end, I was sure he would start crying in a few seconds. Which made me roll my eyes again. This is so ridiculous, it is pathetic. "You didn't water the plants, Angus!!!" He said that like he was accusing me for killing Mother Theresa. "What did the poor little creatures even do to you?"

"The carnivorous almost bit off my fingers once." I said in a matter of fact tone.

"Who cares?"

"My fingers." Dude, I need all my ten fingers.

Jett started to shout again around the cave, but I just chose to ignore him and sat on my bed next to Knox who was still sleeping even though Jett was probably heard all the way to China.

I took the mirror in my hands and stared at the dragon head on the top. The thing was so creepy it made me uncomfortable. "The mirror ordered me to steal it." I blurred out.

"Cursed objects do that." Jett explained, shrugging it off and kept complaining how I was irresponsible.

But I COULDN'T just shrug it off.

Instinctively I threw the mirror across the cave, screaming in terror like it had burned my fingers. This time I blushed in embarrassment at the girly scream I let out.

"Don't be such a pusillanimous." Jett rolled his golden eyes and picked up the mirror, which hadn't even crack. "Maybe it just likes you."

"Yeah right. A mirror likes me." Come on. How can a mirror like me? Even my bed doesn't like me. Let alone a cursed mirror.

"What? It is possib..."

Boom!!!

Boom!!!

The earth shook. Everything inside my cave started to shake, some vases jumping up, and the screens on the wall were dangerously close to collapsing on the floor. The shake unbalanced me and Jett, but we managed to stay on foot, exchanging looks. Well I was just looking at him as Jett was giving me the who-wants-to-kill-you-now look.

BOOM!!!

Everything jumped up and eventually collapsed on the floor. Knox fell off the bed, finally waking up. Vases crashed against the hard ground of the cave, broken pieces flying everywhere. The same tragic end also suffered the screens on the wall and the computer. The closet collapsed, making an loud noise of cracking, which means I need a new closet. I fell on my butt, probably breaking a few butt bones, and Jett butt-headed my desk and fell unconscious on the floor.

I ran to him to check if he was still alive or something. People, gnome whatever... die from knocking tables with their head don't they? But he was still breathing, no blood was coming out of his head and he actually was snoring.

The perfect time for him to sleep. GREAT!!!

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?" Knox shouted in my head, giving me a headache, not helping at all.

"How am I supposed to know?" I was terrified myself. That didn't actually ever helped me figure anything out most of the time so... I was clueless.

Knox ran around the cave, changing form, from cat to dog to wolf, from animal to animal as he usually does when he is totally freaking out, as the earthquake kept shaking the whole place. It felt suspiciously like giant footsteps, which terrified me even more.

"DO SOMETHING!!!"

"Like what? Die?"

I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to crawl under the table and cry until it is over, but judging by how the earthquake was getting stronger, the whatever was causing it, was coming toward the cave. Just my luck.

So I had no choice, but walk outside the cave and play heroes. The only problem is that I almost fainted as I saw the giant giggling while walking to me.

It wasn't the Death replica. I wish it was him. But no. It had to be an earth giant. Three times bigger than normal giants, made all of stone and other earthy things like flowers on their hair and cut tree trunks on their faces like bad cases of acnes. Caves for their nostrils and fir-tress as eyelashes and armpit hair. Their faces usually looked like they had spent their free time face-bumping the ground, which wouldn't be a surprise. But they love to sleep and turn into hills or mountains (depending on the size) while they're at it.

Comparing to the giant I was an ant. A little ridiculously hopeless ant. Yay me.

Judging by the size of the earth giant in front of me... well it was a baby. Let's hope her mother is sleeping. I don't want to deal with mountains now. The baby was a challenge itself.

The baby earth giant jumped in some puddle, which means in a lake, making huge waves spread all over the forest (thankfully it didn't reach my cave) and rain everywhere as the ground shook so much, I was scared it would crack and swallow me up as I fell again on my butt in a heroic way. I know. I know. I'm so awesome.

Where are the Magical Creatures Control troops when you need them, ah? They have to deal with things like this. Not me!

Advice: Never charge towards a baby earth giant. Or any other giant for that matter.

Because that's what I did. Why did I do it? I have no idea. Maybe because it was getting dangerously close to the cave and I don't want my home being destroyed and Knox and Jett getting crushed. Either way, it was stupid.

The baby earth giant (let's call her Martha) kept jumping on the lake which now was sadly empty (I loved that lake), giggling in such a horrible voice, like stones crashing against each others, it made me want to cover my ears and bury myself ten feet underground.

I have no idea what I was doing. Seriously. I was unarmed. I am scrawny as hell so no muscles (like that would help me against a pile of giggling rocks) and I wasn't sure talking Martha to sleep was a good idea, since I wasn't sure if she could even hear me. So I did the logical thing and kept running towards her, yelling and waving my arms in the air like a lunatic.

I'm such an idiot.

The good news: Martha stopped jumping and walking and moving in general.

The bad news: The reason she stopped was because she saw me.

Before I could even say "Holy unicorn poop", Martha grabbed me with her little fist, which wasn't that little since I wasn't even as big as the half of her pinky, and took a close look at me.

"Gugugaga?" She titled her head.

"Yeah. Gugugaga. Can you... um... not step on my house please?" I shouted to her so she would be able to hear me, but I felt stupid because I was talking to a pile of rocks. A huge pile of rocks. My whole body shook, since I was in the verge of fainting from fear, hopping for little Martha not to tighten her fist and turn me to a mush of skin and broken bones.

"Gaga?"

"Could you... like... go to sleep or something?" My voice shook terribly, the words barely coming out of me. "I could sing you a lullaby and I don't know..."

"Na na?"

This is so hopeless I'm gonna cry.

And that's when I noticed the plants on Martha's left arm. It wasn't too close to me which was probably a good thing, but it was far enough to make things difficult.

"Why don't you let me go, so I can... umm... sing you Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?" All this shouting is giving me a sore throat, but at least Martha started to understand so that's something right?

"Twinkle star?"

"Yes. Twinkle star. You know.... The song with the star... that twinkles..." The grip on her fist loosened and I finally managed to climb up her arm. I covered my nose with the edge of my shirt to don't inhale the scent of the pink plants and fall asleep on Martha's arm. The valerian plant has that effect... I just hope it has the same effect on Martha too.

The baby earth giant was staring at me curiously as I picked up valerians and shouting the lyrics of the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. To sum up I was dying out of embarrassment.

I picked up as much valerians as I could hold, without inhaling its scent or falling off Martha's arm, who luckily was holding still, and climbed up her shoulder. I did the mistake and looked down. The nausea hit me hard and I almost washed Martha's shoulder in seafood pie (Jett's weird recipes, don't ask) and chocolate flavored fairy ice-cream. I hate heights. I hate heights with a passion.

Keep moving Angus.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and was about to climb on Martha's ear when she turned her head turned to me, with a little frown on her face. Her huge blue eyes glued at me, and I had to remind myself that peeing in my pants wouldn't be the wisest thing to do in these moments.

"Umm... I... brought you flowers." I seriously will loose my voice at this rate. "They smell wonderful. Do you want to smell them?"

I scratched out the pink flowers towards her nose, hoping she wouldn't inhale me and the flowers in her nostrils. That is something I don't want to experience. But as she was inhaling the flowers, I kind of sprinted off her shoulder shouting terrified because her nostril turned into freaking vacuum cleaners. Luckily after inhaling the valerians Martha immediately yawned, and sat on the ground, making the ground shake again. I would fall if it wasn't for the bushes on her arm, that again, with my luck had thorns, but between falling to my death (which I went through enough times for today) and hugging a thorny bush... Come to papa, bush!

Yawning again, the baby earth giant, lied down on the ground, this time more gently and closed her eyes as I didn't dare to let go of the bush. It took me a few minutes to process the fact that Martha was actually asleep, and I was still hugging a thorny bush for no reason, but I was kind of stuck.

"Angus, why are you hugging a bush?" Knox flew towards me as a hummingbird. Thanks for appearing right now when the horror is over.

"I thought it needed to know how much I love it."