Chapter 5 Planning

Jennas pov

What had I just done? I didn't want to walk away I wanted to stay in his arms, but how could I? I can't do things without thinking them through. I'm the kind of person who has to plan everything. I wish I didn't life would be so much easier of I was just like alli, alli didn't give a shit what people thought of her or what the consequences would be. If she wanted to do something or someone she would. I tried it allies way once and it didn't work out. Infact that's why I'm in this fucking mess. What if he actually tells me to pack up my desk, why did I fucking say that? What is fucking wrong with me? If I lose this job that's it its all over and I will be moving back in with my parents. Urgh the thought of going home at the age of 27 single and jobless. I can just here my mum now "I told you, living in the big city wasn't for you. You should have stayed here and found a nice guy to marry. You could have had a family by now, your not getting any younger you know" urgh she would absolutely love to be right. I don't want to go home that is the one thing I know for sure.

Firing up my computer I decide to start looking for jobs. I'm so hell bent on not going home I'm even considering becoming a waitress that should be just enough to keep me in the city. Arrggghhh I'm so fucking mad at myself. This is why it's so fucking important to plan, to think things through because if you don't this is what happens. I only have myself to blame really.

It's been a few days since Monday in James office and in all honesty I have done everything possible to avoid being alone with him, which has been surprisingly easier than I first anticipated. It helps that this week has been nothing but meetings and the rest of our communication has been through email. I'm pretty certain that for now my job is safe and I won't have to become a waitress in a sleazy dinner or worse still move back home.

Going through some of the emails James has sent today I come across one that hasn't been sent from his business email but his personal one.

' jenna, your job is safe please please don't ever think that I would fire you because you gave me the best fucking night of my life. I understand that you need to think things through, but please don't rule us out just yet. Take your time (hopefully not to much time) make your lists. I promise you this could be great. No one in the office has to know, we can keep it out of the office completely if you want to. I don't know what I expect from you but maybe we could just see where it goes. James '

Omg he actually wants to give things ago even after my irrational speech. Could I consider it? I mean I want to, oh god I seriously want to but how would it work could we seriously keep things separate? I mean I suppose thinking it through couldn't harm anyone, right? Fuck it I sent him a reply,

' OK, I will think about it '

Short I know but what else could I say. I feel like a fucking school girl admitting that she like liked a boy.

James pov

PING! Fuck she replied, 'OK I will think about it' thank fuck I've been driving myself crazy since Monday trying to figure out how to approach her. I honestly thought I had lost her completely when she walked out of my office on Monday but then she turned up for work on Tuesday. She wasn't going anywhere unless she was fired and no fucking way was I firing her. I spent the next few days on autopilot in my meetings I couldn't concentrate on anything when she was in the room trying to act like nothing had ever happened between us. I knew it was an act I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her my presence had the same affect on her. I just need to find a way to convince her.

I wasn't expecting her to reply to my email, I honestly thought she would just ignore it so I was over the fucking moon when she replied within minutes and she agreed to fucking think about it. I just hope she makes her fucking lists quick. I know I told her to take her time but fuck me the waiting is absolutely killing me and I'm pretty fucking sure I made it clear to her I'm not a patient man.

Jennas pov

Pros, he's good looking and that's always a pro, his body is un fucking real I just wanna run my toung across those rock hard abs, he wants me just as bad as I want him, and finally he's prepared to wait for me to make a choice, even though I know he hates to wait for anything. Cons well not Cons really just con cause in all honesty there is only one but it's a big one and it's the one I am struggling to get over HES YOUR FUCKING BOSS!! He has said we can keep it separate sex and work but I'm really not sure I can move past it. I want to I really do but i can't get out of my own fucking head. Allies advice has been completely useless she just keeps telling me to go for it and fuck the consequences. I can't ask Sandra for advice because I don't want anyone at work knowing and if Sandra knew everyone and I mean everyone would know about it. As for Marcus, well I've been avoiding him as much as possible telling him James has got me so fucking busy. It's not something he would question given James reputation of being a hard ass. I wish I didn't have to avoid him but what if James threats wernt just threats what if he actually fired Marcus because of me? Hmm maybe that's something we could negotiate on because no matter what Marcus was my friend and he didn't deserve to be treated this way.