Chapter 3 The Solace of Pain

"I was under the river in a single piece of fabric covering my essentials, and the path was dark. Water dripped down my face, across my exposed breasts, and finally onto my stomach. Although the water was freezing, the brightness emanating from my body in the moonlight begged for a man's touch. I saw him staring deep into my eyes the instant I stepped out of the river, and he never left them. His aura was menacing, and he had a firm grip on me.

When he removed the last piece of clothing and grabbed my exposed breasts, his presence affected my insides, and I began panting with his single touch."

With a sigh, I awoke. Even though it was only a dream, the man of my dreams was not my husband. Even in my dreams, I longed to daydream about my husband, but his physical presence did not terrify me in the least. We only had a few minutes of intercourse where he was on top of me and penetrating me, but the sensation never penetrated my soul. As if my thirst couldn't be quenched.

But I tried to console myself by reminding myself that I am a devout woman who would never be scared by another man. But this dream stayed with me every night since I couldn't place the man in my fantasies. For me, he was a mystery man who I could only think of...and it was through him I dumped my lethal desires in vain...

After six months...

The black night's silence was syncing with my breath as if we had a link. I stopped crying because I was no longer in love. My marriage was doomed, and there was nothing I could do but stand and watch him walk away. Ray was no longer a part of my life. I put forth a lot of effort to improve my marriage and make it a success. He, on the other hand, was not intended to be with me. Bitterness and his abuse of me washed away the pain, effort, and misery. Finally, he called me a slut because he couldn't think of any other excuse to leave me.

I had reached the limit of my tolerance when I heard that word from his wise tongue. I had gained all of my confidence and power, so I begged him to leave me and move on. It would be an understatement to say that it was simple. Those restless nights of agony and unending tears were sufficient compensation.

My dream house had been shattered, and the pain beneath those dazzling eyes was too much for me to bear. The smile got lost on its way to my front door. His departure seemed like a void in my life, but I had to hang on to my feelings and move on...

However, was difficult for a young married lady like me who was also a mother of a child. Leaving my kid with my mother and battling alone in a metropolis with no one to help me was the hardest decision I had to make, but I had the responsibility of my child. In those dull eyes of mine, my lone child is the source of my happiness.

I had effectively confessed that my sex life had ended. Who wants to be attracted to a large woman with a lot of baggage? I stopped looking in the mirror since my face had lost its allure, and the most important thing that I was ashamed of was my belly fat and stretch marks, which were slowly eroding my confidence.

When I looked in the mirror, I was surprised to see my bare body. To be honest, I didn't think I could face myself. It was impossible to face the world with such low self-esteem. My huge eyes were filled with tears as I realized that here was the conclusion of the road...that was not taken. My eyes, on the other hand, made a promise to my soul that they would never allow these wonderful tears to come out of my eyes again...

The true, beautiful, and untamed self was my choice...