Chapter 5 Lamentation and Pain

White fluffy clouds dotted the azure blue sky as the sun beamed

beatifically, casting a golden glow upon the earth. On this particular day, I

had gone on a casual walk around the estate earlier because I was

beginning to flog a dead horse. Maami's elder sister who worked at a small clinic as one of the matrons, took it upon herself to mentor me, I visited her twice a week, and she really helped me pass the shock at least to see life more positively, although it didn't end the trauma. She had told me whenever I began to think, I should take a walk for distraction. Hence, the essence of my casual walk that particular morning and it always worked as I will always see something to distract me in the area. I didn't even know where Tade was buried, no one ever opened up to me about the location of his grave even till this day. In the long run, I was glad I couldn't find my way there, because it would have meant me holding on to the past for too

long and nobody wanted that for me.

From my bedroom, I heard Maami exchange pleasantries with someone and I immediately recognized the voice; it was Madam Gold. Madam Gold was our neighbour, she and Maami met during a general house meeting when we initially moved to the area and had gotten along ever since. I wondered why she had come to the house and began to listen in on their conversation, being unable to let it go. Madam Gold was a somewhat kind woman but one too many times, she was unable to mind her business; I kept a considerable distance from her and her children for

that reason.

‚Mama Ronke, Pele (Sorry), we won't experience such again in Jesus' name.‛ I heard Madam Gold tell Maami. Madam Gold had been absent when the incident happened. She had been in Ghana for some months, she had gone to visit and help out her younger sister who had just put to bed. She moved from randomly greeting to inquiring about me and Maami gave good reports about my wellbeing, bringing her up-to-date with my meetings with my aunt, Mummy Kolade had helped me considerably during the initial period, speaking to me, praying with me and

encouraging me. She would often take me to meet people who could relate

to my situation, some of them with even deeper wounds and more devastating experiences than mine. I didn't always want to go out but being with people who could relate to my grief one way or the other was somewhat comforting. Maami and her guest dwelled a bit on me and how I was faring before she moved to what I assumed to be the real point of her

interest.

‚But Mama Ronke, what were you looking at that you made such evil befall your daughter?‛ Madam Gold asked Maami and I frowned at her words. I knew she had a careless tongue but that was a bit too much to say

to someone's mother.

‚Madam Gold, what do you mean by that? I am not a seer or else I would have known the future and protected my only child from evil.‛ Maami said sounding shocked.

‚You are not a child Mama Ronke. How can you be confused as to what I mean? Okay, when the marriage alliance was being formed, what steps did you take as a mother? Did you go and pray about it and see a

spiritual authority in your life?‛ Madam Gold asked.

‚Yes now, Pastor Richards prayed for them and blessed them, he even personally fixed marriage counselling classes for them. I also did enough fasting and prayer personally so it's just God's will for his name to

be more glorified. WO! Madam Gold, I have accepted fate. God will

provide her own man who will stay with her till the very end.‛ Maami said

earning a long hiss from her friend.

‚Mama Ronke you were the one that used your hands to draw evil to your side! Pastors like Pastor Richards will of course not see anything wrong because he is too educated to believe in these things. In fact, hear his

over-educated name. How can you listen to him when there are pastors with names that prove that they wine and dine with God and all the elders in heaven? I mean did you go to a proper church to check if your daughter and her late fiancé were compatible?‛ I was baffled by Madam Gold's question to Maami. I wondered if it was true that there were special places

to check a couple's compatibility.

‚Madam Gold, you know that Pastor Richards Church is a proper church and he is a proper pastor. He has been our pastor for years now.'' Maami said wondering why Madam Gold was suddenly acting like pastor Richards was a scam.

‚Mama Ronke, let me explain something to you. Look, there are

levels to this Christianity. You see as we are living in this area, most of us attend Pastor Richard's church because it suites the class we belong too in the society as people of our standing can't be found in certain churches. What you don't know is that there are some situations that even Pastor Richards cannot solve, so we go to the real places where all they do is seeking the face of God twenty-four hours; they see God face to face like this. Pastor Richards is anointed and we've benefitted from his ministry but his teachings are theories and tongues compared to these people I'm talking about. These churches are the real ones that carry out the life practical. If these pastors tell you the moon will turn to a human being tomorrow, please believe them because the way they have walked with God ehn; let me just say God resides in their houses.‛ she exaggerated and I just had to roll my eyes at her comments.

‚Madam Gold, I never thought of this thing in this manner at all, mi o ro ri, but I'm grateful because you just opened my eyes of understanding.

The problem now is that as it is, I don't know anybody or church doing things like that.‛ Maami said obviously bought over by her friend's speech. Madam Gold told her not to worry as she will introduce my mum to her Ojise Olorun (Man of God) who will help us consult God whenever I bring

my next husband home.

‚Thank you so much, honestly, my daughter must not suffer twice.‛

Maami said with concern.

‚No need to thank me, these are basic things we must do as mothers. When Ruby and Beulah brought their husbands home, I went to a proper Ojise Olorun to know if those are their God-given husbands. It was when the Ojise Olorun gave the go-ahead that I allowed them to marry the man they brought. It was the sixth man Ruby brought that the Ojise Olorun ascertained will make a good husband. That was when I allowed my Ruby to get married. Beulah was lucky the Ojise Olorun approved her first man.‛ Madam Gold said with pride. Maami didn't say anything as far as I

remember so madam Gold continued.

‚These things are important, Mama Ronke. Just in case any evil

wants to occur, it's either they avert it or tell you to avoid it, nothing to harm you at all. Mama Ronke, marriage is not to be taken with levity especially in this present world where we have a lot of evil going on.‛ She advised. It was becoming a struggle to hear her so I came out of my room and acted like I had come to the dining room to take water from the fridge.

Maami and Madam Gold saw me and asked me to join them.''

‚Ibironke, okomi, come and sit down, oro e na la so (we were talking about you). It seems Madam Gold has a solution for us.‛ Maami said as

they repeated the information I had already overheard.

Madam Gold eventually left and I thought about discussing the matter with Abebi but I remembered she had gone to Abuja. She had to get prepared to write an American scholarship examination. She had been an awesome friend and stayed by me till she was certain I could take care of myself without any problem. I was happy for her; at least she was making progress. When Abebi eventually returned, I told her what Madam Gold said and she agreed saying marriage shouldn't be taken with levity, especially spiritually. She told me it's beyond loving somebody sometimes,

you both have to be compatible.

‚Do you remember Nifemi, the girl that stayed in the first room of our hostel block while we were in school?‛ Abebi had asked and I couldn't

exactly place the face.

‚Abebi, the name rings a bell but I don't remember exactly.‛ I

responded.

‚Imagine! I keep telling you to talk to people but you keep yourself locked up all day, the gist cannot be so sweet, since you cannot place the face.'' Abebi said. I persuaded her to tell me the gist and even though she

didn't oblige at first, she eventually spilled the milk.

‚I met her again at the examination centre I went to in Abuja, she was looking so lean and unhappy. We had lunch together at a café after my exams where she opened up to me. Nifemi wanted to get married while we were still in school; she was fully prepared because she had been dating the guy since she left secondary school. It was time for marriage; her mum's sister who took them to a Pastor in one remote area like that in this Lagos too, they had gone with the intention of praying to God to ensure nothing evil happens that very day. The pastor told them it's better for them to stop the wedding or else they won't have children as they were only destined to be great friends and not husband and wife. They didn't heed to the pastor's advice and they went ahead with their plans even though the mother's sister warned them about it. It is her seventh year in marriage and she is still yet to have children. She just found out recently her husband has twin children with another woman in Sagamu. So, my dear Ronke, it's better to find out these things before getting married to anybody.'' Abebi explained

why these things are very much important and I agreed with her,

A few weeks later, Abebi relocated and we both promised to write each other at least twice a month. The goodbyes were not easy but we had

let go and forge ahead.

I began to bounce back gradually even though I honestly still missed my Tade. I miss him so much and I always asked myself if I will ever meet a good man like that again in my life. The fact that Tade had died of a heart attack while driving still haunts me daily. Mummy Kola advised its best I change my environment at least for a while, and meet new people as I had secured a job with a company in Akure but Maami found it difficult to let

me go, but Mummy Kola's intervention changed her mind.

''Ibironke, let the past stay in the past, welcome the freshness Akure has to give you and enjoy yourself.'' Mummy Kola said as I hugged her tightly. I waived her and Maami goodbye while the driver Mummy Kola

arranged to take me to Akure, drove me out of the compound.

I lived with my mother's second cousin who stayed in Akure till I was able to secure an apartment close to my workplace. I lost contact with Abebi along the line due to poor communication. I didn't blame her after realizing that things were probably not as rosy as she thought they would

be.

I shared my office with a handsome man in his early thirties; his name was Akinfunmilade. He was also a communicator but was more fluent in Spanish unlike me who focused mainly on French. My company was into exporting and importing of goods as we were a link between distributors of commercial goods and the manufacturers. This gave rise to

my department because they needed people who could communicate

fluently with their clients. Over time, Akinfumilade and I got closer and it became obvious to most people. We went to lunch together, he showed me around Akure giving highlights with his slightly strange Akure-Yoruba

accent.

With Akinfumilade, the hurt from losing Tade was subtle. As much as he could, he always made me smile and feel on top of the world. Akinfumilade was such a very sweet man, he bought me gifts and I also returned his kind gestures. He paid me visits; we had lunch and sometimes dinner together. As much as I wanted to deny it, I had started to develop

feelings for this Akure man.

Sometimes, we slept off talking on the phone and when we finally

got into an official relationship, things got even better. I made it clear that I was still a virgin and I was intent on keeping it so until I was married. 'Funmilade understood and respected that as the gentleman he was. Our office colleagues noticed the change in our relation and as expected, rumours started about whether or not we were in a relationship; it was fun to watch them stress in confusion. For a little time, I left myself be carried away by the feeling of happiness he brought me and I forgot that there was

a lot more than love I needed in that relationship.