Chapter 5 Bad Dreams and Naughty Thoughts

My brother left after a while. He wouldn't stop asking me what was wrong, and god knows I wanted to tell him, but I kept my mouth shut cause I knew what would happen if I ever told him. When my brother closed the door, I laid down and soon felt my eyes close.

I woke up and turned my alarm clock around to see the time. SHIT! Six Fifty? How long was I out for? I jumped up and ran down the stairs. No one was there. I ran to the kitchen but again no one, my brothers' room . . . no one, where the hell is everyone?

I was about to make my way up the stairs when the front door opened. "Hey Tess, you comin?" my heart stopped beating and my palms became sweaty. I turned around to be face to face with Adrian. Boy, he can really act. Is he so stupid that he can't tell I'm upset?

I straightened my back and put a stern look on my face trying to force all every other emotion besides anger down. I stepped down the stairs and walked right up to him. I stood for a second before lifting my right hand and bringing it down with everything in me. He lost balance and I took a step back as he fell to the floor hitting his back on the wall.

"OW!" He put his hand on the back of his head and my hand raised to cover my mouth. Wait why did I even care? He hurt me! Anger flushed straight back in and I walked over to him meeting his eyes. "You're a cheating scum!" he looked up at me and I saw the red marks of my fingers on him.

"How could you? What the fuck is wrong with you! You get back together with. . . that . . . that slag then you shag her then you come and . . . and have sex with me!" That's it, let it all flow out. "I'm not something you can just fuck whenever!" Wow, I never thought I could shout that loud. I turned on my heel and walked off.

But before I could reach the stairs, I felt his hands wrap around my waist lifting me up and dropping me to the floor. I fell on my back and hit my head on the floor. "Look if you would just have asked you would have found out the real story!"

"You're a sick fuck!" I shouted back and brought my foot up and kicked him in the knee.

He tumbled to the floor as raced to my knees and looked down at him. "I'm the one who has every right to be angry with you! You used me!" I saw his hand rise, but I couldn't yank my own away in time. He pulled me down and I fell on top of him, the feel of his body against mine again almost knocking all the air from my lungs.

"Last time I remember you kissed me first,"

"I was drunk, and you said no but then you pulled me down to kiss you again! You let it happen too!" I tried to move but he held me tight both his hands on my shoulders. "Let me go!"

"No way! Who the hell do you think you are to just hit me like that?!" I stopped moving and felt tears built up in my eyes.

I looked straight into his eyes and spoke with a low shaky voice that I've never used in my life, it almost shook me to my core. "I'm just another one of those girls you. . .you . . . fucked and used..." his eyes changed and showed an expression I have never seen before, his grip loosened, and I took the chance to run away before I cried.

'Never let a man see you cry' My mother's words vibrated in my mind.

I jumped up and ran outside leaving the door wide open. I ran towards the shed and slammed the door closed. My tears had already begun to surface the minute I opened the front door. But now they were coming out full time. He looked as if what I said touched some human part of him. Please, like that could ever happen.

I sat in the corner with my legs curled up to my chest, my head bowed low and my hair messy covering my face from view. I heard the door open but didn't move. When the door closed, I heard someone coming closer and closer until I felt them wrap their arms around me. I looked up and saw his amazing brown eyes.

God darn those eyes . . .

"I didn't mean that . . ." he trailed off and I didn't say a word. I was enjoying just being held in his strong, warm arms. I didn't care about why I was feeling like this, I just wanted to swim in the feeling and never move. I rested my head on his chest and my sobbing started to stop. He rested his chin on my head but never put his entire weight in case he hurt me.

I have never cried in front of him before. It felt weird because I always thought he would make fun of me for it, but today he just sat there and . . . made me feel better? What the hell was happening?! "I never meant that . . . I just . . ." he broke off and I knew what he was saying. "You just . . . I can't explain because everything I say comes out wrong," I couldn't speak, I just sat there hearing his heartbeat in his chest. But it was beating fast, faster than normal.

"I. . . I . . . didn't, I wouldn't ever think of you like that," he tried again. I could feel he was trying to search for an excuse . . . like he was hiding the truth from me, but I didn't want to get into to that now. "You were right ... I have no right to be mad with you, but I just didn't think you'd take it like that." If only he knew how much more pain it caused me, some of which I don't even understand.

I stopped crying and looked up at his eyes. He started to lean in but then pulled away getting to his feet. "I ... should go." He left and my head banged against the wall with a sigh. What the fuck is wrong with you? Snap out of it! You're going crazy, you hate him remember that! I closed my eyes, my eyelids were suddenly heavy as I felt myself relax against the cold metal wall.

~

I got to my feet and walked back into the house.

"So, you comin' or what?" I jumped startled. I checked him out again. Wow, he really was good looking. Shut up! He's ugly, ugly! I shook my head and asked where. "Um well they all wanted to go out and eat, so when we got there, I was asked to come back and see if you want to come. So, do you?"

"Yeah, I'll be just one minute." he nodded and walked back into the sitting room holding a can of beer. Wow. That mood went real fast. I mean . . . do I even believe that douche?

I guess so.

He looked like he was tense and needed to relax so I left and walked up to my bedroom. I pulled on a pair of skinny black jeans and a red tank top. I ran downstairs and I was about to open my mouth to say I was ready when I realized, he was asleep. I moved around to get a better look, yep he was asleep.

I pulled out a cover and taking the beer from his hand I covered him up with a blue blanket. I placed the beer on the side and started to walk when I felt his hand take mine. I looked down at him and saw his deep dark brown eyes and their hint of green staring up at me. My heart started to beat faster and faster. Stupid heart.

"Let's stay here," he whispered, lifting himself up and pulling me down as I sat on his lap. The next thing I knew his lips met mine and he was licking my bottom lip, asking for permission to enter, I opened my mouth and felt him explore it. I shivered as his cold hands moved up my top . . . my mind lost in that abyss, the shock still not settling in.

Tess. No.

Before I knew it, a loud crashing noise had me sitting upright in bed as my eyes searched my room frantically, I fell back and looked at the time on my watch. . . seven thirty. I was sleeping . . . so it was a dream. I sighed with relief and walked out of the shed towards the house. But part of me still wished so hard it wasn't a dream, that it really did happen . . . and that it really did happen to me.

The only thing I could comfort myself with was that he did follow me to the shed, that he did hold me in his arms and that he did almost kiss me but for some reason pulled away. Of course, that last bit isn't so comforting. When I reached the house, he was upstairs in my brothers' room. He was sitting on the bed, his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

I don't know why but a part of told me to forget it and walk off, but the other part told me to go in and see what was wrong with him, and that part won. I stood in the door frame and took a few steps towards him before he spoke but still not moving, "Go, please just go." I stood frozen for a minute. I didn't know what to do.

But I just kept walking towards him and stopped when I was fully in front of him. He lowered his hands and lifted his face. "What? why are you still here?"

"Because you told me to go and I never listen to you." was the only thing I could think of. He sighed and looked to the side, "What's wrong?" I could see he wasn't gonna answer me, so I sat next to him on the side of the bed and forced a harsher tone on him. "What's wrong Adrian?"

He finally looked at me and in his eyes, he was confused and I felt sorry for him. "I'm . . . confused. Somethings happened and I just don't know why." I looked down to the floor, but I knew his gaze was still on me. "I . . . I. . . I " he cut off; I couldn't get any words out of my mouth though because the thing I knew he was pulling me into his arms, and I put my arms around his neck as he planted his plump lips on mine.

Why is this always happening? Why do I never learn?

I kissed back and felt all the anger disappear if it hadn't already. My skin jumped with joy with the feel of his touch. All my insanity vanished, and I was alone with him. My hands traveled up to his hair and I pulled slightly. Wait, what on earth was I doing? I hate him! but I don't want it to stop.

But he used me . . . or at least . . . I still believe he did . . . right?

In the end, I pulled away, taring my lips from his as our breaths ragged and harsh filled the air around us, my body backing up and hitting the wall. "I . . . don't . . . think . . . we," I tried to say in between gasps, but he stood up and had his breath back.

"I'm so sorry . . . I . . . I just needed someone; it wasn't supposed to happen like that." His voice tense. God, I just wanted to run to him and feel him kiss me again and touch me.

"I'm sorry, just don't ever do that when I'm like this ok? Actually, just don't ever do that again." I looked down to the floor. Ok, fine, it's one thing to not want something like this to happen again but it's a completely different thing to tell someone it's their fault and to never come near you again when you're upset. That's basically what he's saying.

Why do you care? You hate him get over it and stop letting things like this happen! A voice shouted inside my head. I figured it was right, I mean I can't explain why I feel the way I do, or why I can't get him out of my head or why I want crazy things to happen and, for that reason, why I care so much about who he's with.

"Fine, sorry just make sure you keep your distance. You're not the innocent party in all this. You've fucked me up enough as it is." I spat at him, the venom in my voice clear. At that, I left him standing to look at me, and I walked back to my room where I received a text from Tracy.

HEY BABE WHERE R U?

SORS I AINT COMIN

K, SE U LATER. HOPE UR OK XX

I rested my head on my pillow and waited for them to come back, whilst once again thinking of him and the dream that I wanted to come true. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't woken up. But worst yet, it almost did happen just before. What's wrong with me?