Chapter 4 Used

His breathing quickened, his hands now sneaking under the hem of my shirt and up my bare thighs. The feel of the warmth of his skin on mine was driving me crazy, my teeth biting hard on my bottom lip. No! Have I not learned a single god darn thing? Stop this! The voices in my head screamed but my body was already lost in the thriving sensations tearing down my back.

"You were a jerk this morning," I managed to force out, my fingers curling around his shirt.

"I know. . ." he began, his words drifting off into silence as his hands cupped my waist, my top bounded in a heap above my pelvis with my knickers on show. "I should make it up to you," a growl escaped his lips, his hands yanking my torso against his so I could feel the bulge between his legs. Gasping, I let my hands wrap around his neck, his lips dangerously close to my own. "Let me make it up to you,"

Now, stop this now before it goes- "Okay,"

The words were shaky, but he understood, his hands quickly grabbing my ass like the night before squeezing until my legs wrapped around his waist. His lips slammed closed against mine moving with furiously like he desperately needed something and not able to get enough of it. My hands tangled in his hair but only for a moment. It was like that spark from the night before suddenly ignited, the hatred leaking through into something else as my hands fell to his boxers. I wanted him closer, needed him closer.

His lips fell to my collarbone over my shirt groaning as I took hold of him in my hands, his cock rock hard and throbbing in my palm.

Pressing me to the door with his chest, he moved his hand down to my knickers pressing the wet fabric aside to make room for his cock. My legs clenched around him, he slid the tip against my entrance, my lips seeking his as I moaned into his mouth, that roaring fire in the pit of my stomach yearning for more.

Why the hell am I like this?

One thrust, that was all it would take, just one. Oh God, please . . .

Suddenly he paused, his body tensing under my fingers as pulled away from. The sensation of the now widening gap between my pelvis and his had me shaking, my hands pressing to his shoulders squeezing, begging him to continue as my moans came out desperate.

"Sh," his words were harsh, his eyes wide open before he let go. My legs unwillingly unwrapped from his as he yanked at the small white string of our bathroom light, switching it off and grabbing my hand. He was pulling me over to the bathtub. Stepping in, he turned back to me pulling me in with him. With my arms still wrapped around his neck and one of his hands still placed on my waist, he pulled the navy shower curtain closed.

Why the hell are we in the bathtub, standing up even? Just then I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom and I held my breath in. SHIT! What if they think something was happening? Well. . . I mean something was happening.

The lights turned on as the door creaked open. My hands tightened as they held the collar of his top. I bit down harder on my bottom lip and I could see he was doing the same thing. My insides were turning, my whole body cold as my stomach tightened. HOLY CRAP! What the hell were we doing? I felt my cheeks turn bright red, spreading down my whole body.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Snap out of it you hate him! You're just...you know...going through teenage stuff. I thought to myself as I tried to ignore the noise from the person peeing. "Jesus Christ," I know that voice!

Tracy! She was washing her hands and I was about to scream out when Adrian turned his head sharply and covered my mouth with his hand. She switched the tap off and everything went silent, no footsteps no nothing. Oh god, the tub, was she staring at the tub? My eyes widened and I put my hand over his to keep myself quiet.

She finally left and Adrian gave a shaky chuckle, his hand leaving my mouth. He jumped out of the bath and opened the door as I got myself out. But just like everything else in my life, it went to shit. I was about to lift my other leg only to feel it caught in the bath handle and I gave out a yell feeling myself propel down to the ground. Shutting my eyes closed tight I waited to feel the impact of the floor across my face. Wait, why don't I feel the cold floor and pain?

I opened one eye then the other. I looked up and saw Adrian's face looking down at me. That's when I felt his arms tightly around me. His lips curved into a smile and he balanced me up.

"Thanks," I said as I pulled my top down to cover my piggy low-cut pants. It seemed sexy before when his eyes weren't exactly focused there but now? Now I felt ridiculous.

He gave a another chuckle with his head held down. The next thing I knew he came closer and I looked into his eyes

"Yeah. . . so. . . bye. Try not to be so stupid next time." I swear my heart just stopped. I looked at him with disbelief. He left and I remained where I was until I convinced myself that I was glad Tracy came when she did. Again I could feel the tears prick away behind my eyelids, the sting spinning around my chest as I looked to the ground.

If I didn't hate him before, I sure as hell did now!

But it wasn't all his fault, I could have said no. I could have stopped him and I didn't. He would have fucked me again in this bathroom just because he felt like a good old fashioned dick ride and I would have handed it to him willingly. I did hand it over willingly. Literally.

I forced my legs to move, making my way back into my room where I curled up in the sleeping bag letting the tears fall freely.

Why was this happening? Why was I letting him get to me like this?

Yet as I ground the tears from my cheek, I knew one thing. I hated the person he was making me into. I hated him for making me look at myself this way.

I woke at seven thirty, my alarm blaring. I put my hands on either side of my head and sat up. I rubbed at my eyes so they would start working. "Come on guys, wake up!" I shouted whilst shoving Krissy backwards and forwards. She was always the hardest to wake up.

"Tracy!" she snapped up straight away at her name.

"Huh, what? oh morning. . .SCHOOL!" she screamed suddenly jumping up and grabbing a pair of her blue skinny jeans and a red long-sleeved top with black stripes.

"Do you wanna get changed in the bathroom or should I?" Krissy asked groggily with a stretch of her arms as she stepped out of bed. I thought back to last night and said she could.

"Ugh....come on. Krissy!" Tracy yelled.

"What? I just need to get dressed; I'll do my make-up in the car chill." She replied, reaching for one of his miniskirts. I looked at the window seeing trying to judge the weather but by the grey clouds, I knew it wasn't the best day for miniskirts. Yet saying something would do nothing but then again, she had the legs for it so why not show it off? "Hey, can I borrow that pink low cut laced top. Please?"

I nodded and threw her the top as she walked out of the room to get dressed.

I walked over to my double wardrobe and grabbed a knee-length red skirt with a pair of thick black tights and a checked blue sleeveless top. I put on a pair of black heels and let my hair fall out around my shoulders. I slapped on some red gloss and left to meet the others downstairs in the kitchen.

I just wanted to get through today without setting eyes on him but if I did, then no way in hell would I let him see me down.

I found all seven of them sitting around the table eating their toast with jam and the boys stuffing their faces with crispy pops. The guys were still in their night clothes with their hair messed up major. I walked past them and sat on the counter, keeping my eyes strictly away from him.

"Hey sis, why are you dressed like that?" my brother turned his head around, so he was facing me and looking at my skirt.

"Cause A. I want too and B. we got something happening at school and I thought I would make an effort."

"You make an effort?" I slapped my brother across the head and snatched one of his toasts.

"Come on guys we gotta go!" I yelled over to Krissy and Tracy.

"What now! but..."

"No buts Krissy you'd have more time if I didn't have to spend half an hour trying to wake you up!"

She got up and followed behind Tracy with her back humped. Like that we left and I drove into the parking lot where I was met by my head teacher, Miss Turcant.

"Hey. . .um, Tess, we'll see you in class. . . bye!" Krissy really hated the head and Tracy. . .well she was scared half to death by her. So, I was left alone in the parking lot talking to a teacher outside my car. How wonderful. my popularity is gonna shoot right up!

NOT!

"Tess, I need your help this morning. You cover teacher has just shown up, late may I add. I need you to go get her and walk her to the classroom as I don't have time. I have a meeting which starts in about three minutes. Can you do that for me?" I nodded without really thinking about it. To be honest, still these past couple nights I haven't thought about much.

I ran up and got our supply teacher and sat down in the middle of Krissy and Tracy at the back like a zombie.

"Right hello, today we will be looking at protection when having sex," My eyes turned wide, what the hell are the chances? If Krissy hadn't kicked me under the table, I would have doubled over laughing, not because condoms were funny but because I was pretty sure the universe was sending me some next hilarious message.

Do you know what's really a piss take? How now that we only started learning about this after I did it.

She pulled out a box full of condoms and passed them round teaching us how to take them out and unroll them correctly. Krissy couldn't help but giggle. As for me? I started down at the piece of plastic, my eyebrows furring together. When the hell am I ever gonna use this now?

"You know what this is so stupid. They can't stop us from having sex and we already know about this!" Krissy of course knew but I doubt Tracy did I mean she has lost it, but she only did it twice. And honestly, I doubt their goal here was to stop us, it just didn't make sense.

Ignoring her, I kept staring down at my notebook, my pen tapping the empty paper as my mind flashed back to the previous night, my whole-body heating with shame until the class was finally over.

I waited for Krissy in the car as Tracy fell asleep in the back. I began to tap the wheel out of boredom. I looked down at my watch and it read ten past four! Where is she? The rest of the day went by the same, lunch and classes with me walking around with my head down and my mouth mumbling simple one worded answers. I was numb. Absolutely numb. How could he just use people whenever he felt like it?

Angrily, I pushed the keys in and turned on the engine when I saw Krissy running towards us with an evil smile that she only wears when she's got something in mind that puts me and Tracy in the wondering box of why we still love her.

"Hey what took you so long?" I asked and she put her seatbelt on.

"This!" she opened her rucksack and I almost hit the car into a little market store. She had an entire bag full of condoms!

"What the fuck!" Tracy woke up and looked at what had made me scream. She fell back and shook her head.

"Look I was only thinking we could you know...have some fun." I sighed and banged my head back on the seat. Why? Why did they have to bring out the condoms? "Hey, Tess, how did you get that thing on your cheek?" she suddenly added, her eyes narrowing in at my cheek as my eyes widened.

Fuck, quick change the topic!

"Fine! You know what? We'll do it but only if I know who!" it was the only way to change the subject and plus I needed some fun.

"How about the guys?" I shook my head wondering what would happen to me if we did do it to them. "Ok who?" I looked out the windshield and I remembered Lucy. She was the worst kinda person in this school. She used to date Adrian but after a little cheating spur with his brother, she became his ex and the minute that happened, the bulling started.

She was skinny and of course, the one who everyone wants to be except us. She dyed her hair brown and has, truth be told, nice blue eyes. "Lucy..." Krissy's eyes widened and so did her smile.

I turned around and Tracy and Krissy started blowing them up. Our windows were up as we waited for her to show.

After half an hour she didn't show up, so to keep Krissy from pointing out the scar again we started throwing them at her car, running back into ours before she could approach. FINALLY! We heard a high-pitched scream and I drove off laughing harder than ever! But the thrill was nothing. Wasted on me.

The whole drive back, I could feel a lump form in my throat, my shoulders tensing at the idea of seeing him again. These weeks could not go quicker but it wasn't like the minute my parents return that Dan would stop being friends with him, one way or another I would have to face him. So why not get over this crap now?

If only it was easier said than done.

When we entered they were all watching tv and we got changed into shorts and a baggy top without poking in to say hello. Yet the minute we were done Krissy had the brilliant idea to go down. When I protested I was met with her frosty eyes. "Look, you can't be acting suspiciously. You fucked him! So what? Act normal."

Wow. If only she knew.

But just like every other time, I nodded giving in.

We came back down and watched football with them. Well, I did. Tracy and Krissy were reading one of their girly mags. I hated them so much. Maybe cause when I was little, I tried so hard to look like them then ended up in the hospital because I didn't eat for two weeks. Now, sports took over. I loved the thrill of backing a team.

"So, mate you know Mary? Well, we're back on," my brother's girlfriend Mary was one of Lucy's wanna be's. I can't say she's ugly cause she's hotter than Lucy. I used to be friends with her that obviously didn't last that long.

"Hey, how bouts you and Lucy?" Luke asked Adrian and my head automatically turned around to face him, I swear they broke up; I know they di.-

" Yeah, we got back together last week on Friday. That's why I didn't come over that night." my eyes widened, and my heart sank. Everything around me seemed to shake and blur as that cold empty feeling I'd gotten to know so well this week lodged itself in my chest.

But. . . I . . . how. . .I don't understand. They hadn't talked since. . .since. . .wait he got back with her before we. . .he had sex with me even though he was with her! How could he? He had sex with her already and. . . and. . .

I couldn't move, I couldn't talk. Every time I swallowed it hurt.

"Yeah she's really cool you know, she ain't that bad," those words just finished me off. I felt as if someone had just ripped open my chest, cut my heart into tiny parts then threw salty water on it. I tried to hold back the tears that were forming behind my eyes, gosh how many times was this gonna happen? Except for this time, I couldn't.

"I. . . have. . . go," I mumbled, quickly jumping to my feet and running up the stairs to my room. Tears freely streamed down my cheeks as I closed my door and fell face flat on my bed. I wasn't angry. . . I was. . .heartbroken. But only cause he had the guts to get back together with her, have sex with her and then have it with me! Twice almost! How. . .why?

Everything hurt. Everything changed. I felt dirty, dirty that I slept with him after he was still with her. I shut my eyes closed harder trying to stop tears from falling but it didn't help, nor did it work. every time I tried to think of something there he was.

There was a knock on the door and gripped my pillow harder. "Hello Tess, can I come in?"

"Go away!" I just managed to force out. But of course, no one listens to me and he just opened the door, closed it and stood staring at me.

"Get ou-" he stopped me before I could finish.

"No Tess I'm your brother whether you like it or not! and I'm not leaving when you're like this." I lifted my head from my pillow and sat up looking at him through blurry eyes.

A part of me still hoped it was . . .

"I can tell when you need someone, and I am not just going to leave. We're not mum and dad. It's my job to take care of you. I won't walk away, not like everyone else in your life has." He sat on my bed next to me and I collapsed into his arms crying. "Just tell me what's wrong. These past few days, you've been walking around like a Zombie. What happened at that club? Let me help you Tess, just tell me."

I pressed my face harder on his shoulder and he tightened his embrace. The only one who never walked away from me was my brother. The only one I can trust is my brother. He feels like he must protect me no matter what and no matter what ever he does he feels like it's never enough.

He can be an ass but he's the only one whose there for me. I just kept on crying waiting for him to say something or to come up with a reason to leave but he didn't he just stayed there, with me crying and crying waiting for an answer I could never give him.

Because if I did if he knew . . . he'd hate me forever.