Chapter 3 how it feels to be lonely

I made my way to the school entrance ignoring the stinging feeling in my heart; it was always like this, yet I don't know why today is different, I feel like something terrible would definitely happen. I kept walking ignoring the stares people give me, and then the unexpected happened.

Did you ever ask yourself these questions?

Why does everyone I got close to leave me? Am I the reason? Do I have a fatal disease that drives every person away from me?

Well, I never wondered about such things until this moment.

I stood there looking at my one and only childhood friend, Tania, as she jokes and laughs with the most unexpected people, the people that made my life hell.

I felt my heart pang, disappointment, treason, and hurt. That is what I am feeling right now.

Is that a new feeling? No.

Did I expect that? Absolutely yes.

I was always wondering when she would tire of me and my pathetic excuse of life as they all did. Every time I think I made a friend, they leave and side up with 'them'.

Tania was different. She was my savior, my shoulder to cry on, and the person who always catch me before I fall. She was my only hope, the person who cleans up my wounds after being beaten up; she used to cry all night while looking at my miserable state.

Now, she left to leave me all alone in such a pathetic state. I wanted answers from her. Yet I can't ask, I wanted to cry and shout at her, tell her what did I do for her to leave me like all the others, but I knew better, I can't.

If I taught one lesson, it is never let them know they are getting to you. If I cry, I will break down in front of the people that made me like this. A coward that is what I would look like, desperate and miserable, that would only bring the unbearable pain I buried inside for four years, and he would not be proud.

"Look, look, she is here," Shouted Melissa, the person who started it all.

Ignoring her, I carried on walking, hoping she will just let it go. I stopped dead in my track when I felt something hard hit my head. I winced in pain. I looked at the ground, seeing a rock fall down just below my feet. Turning around, I was met with a completely different Tania.

Her face is full of makeup, wearing a tight short black skirt with a white t-shirt tucked inside, a black leather jacket to finish the look. What shocked me wasn't that?

It was her golden hair that was let down uncovered, her scarf gone. I must admit she looked gorgeous. However, this wasn't her. The shy hijab Tania was gone.

My tania is no longer there, she eyed me up and down, and cringed. That made me close my eyes, what happened?

"Oh, look who showed up," she said, the look of disgust still on her face, same buddy same.

I was just as disgusted as she was. Her outfit was way too revealing and her headscarf missing, wearing a hijab and pulling it off. I mean who does that. I swear I would have respected her choice if she isn't staring at me like that it's her life, not mine, however, the stares she is throwing my way to tell me otherwise.

"I guess you are too shocked that you forgot how to talk," she said taking a step towards me.

I rolled my eyes and turned on my heels to leave. Never waste time with fools.

"Oops, I think I am not done with you yet," she said grabbing my hand.

I glared at her and brushed it off, only for her to grab my headscarf.

I turned around quickly.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled, fixing my scarf. However, she didn't pull away.

She turned around to the group of girls she was with, smirking.

"Oh, you think I would always be that the pathetic friend of a piece of dirt likes yourself?" She said her attention on me now.

"Poor you, you think you are something special, huh? God, what was I thinking being a friend of a disgusting item like you?"

An item?

Oh god, to say she was like a sister to me, God please have mercy on me.

I bit my lip to stop tears to fall. I can't let her see me cry, not after showing her true colors.

"Listen here, you bitch, don't look at me like you are the victim. Who can blame them? Do you not look at yourself in the mirror?"

Not her too. She can't be doing this.

"Or, oh did your stepfather break it?" she said mockingly, my eyes widened, she can't be doing this, she just can't

She took it too far.

"Did I hit a nerve?" she said smirking,

I blinked; I could not believe my ears.

NO, NO, No! My eyes sting, my heart aching, I think I am going to faint.

How cruel would my life get?

Ignore Karima! She doesn't deserve this, my subconscious told me; I need to ignore her indeed.

I exhaled, turning around, but this is not the end, she grabbed my headscarf and pulled it off.

This cannot be happening; she cannot do this to me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted, covering my hair with my hands, tears streaming down my face now.

I shoot her a dangerous look. While all she did was smirk, she throw my scarf at the people, far away from me.

I hurried and ran toward him, only for him to throw it to the ground stepping on it.

"You don't need it, your hair is beautiful," he said mocking me; they knew the meaning of it.

They knew I was a Muslim. They knew it was a necessity. Yet, they did this.

I fell to the ground my long hair falling from the bun, making the situation worse, I wish this ground would open and swallow me.

I tried to yank the scarf from his feet, but I could not. Many took off their phones recording the whole thing. While I was, numb. Everyone saw me and my hair, I was trying my best to respect my hijab and do all that it needed to be done, and now nobody just came and took it off, my dignity, my respect.

Why does it have to be like this? Why should we good people suffer and endure all this? Everyone was laughing when I finally succeed to pull the scarf away from his feet, all stained with dirt.

I pulled on my head, standing only to look at Tania, a smug look on her face.

"You will regret this, we both know you will," I said before running to the girl's bathroom to protect any pride or dignity left my heart beating fast, I felt like shit.

What I feared happened, I am doomed.