Chapter 4 No.4

'Your life is full of sin' Ken glowered. 'Is this how you want to live? Being hung over in the streets, the heavy drinking...the things you do with other men...'

Mustang narrowed his eyes.

'Does the fact that I'm gay bother you?'

'It's wrong.'

'Why? How can love be wrong? It's not like any of the people I fuck are underage.'

Ken spluttered at that, utterly revolted. 'The way you talk is disgusting!'

'Why?'

'It's wrong to use such words.'

'Why?'

'My parents taught me how to behave properly. We follow god's word.'

Mustang pursed his lips, frowning at him.

After a long pause he spoke.

'Soooooo.....god says it's wrong to be gay....and to swear.'

'It's wrong to be gay' Ken told him curtly.

'Tell me' Mustang said. 'Do you always let people tell you what to think?'

Ken hesitated suddenly, caught off-guard.

'I believe that we are all god's children' Mustang continued. 'He loves us all, and made me who I am.'

Mustang turned on his heel then, and walked away without another word, leaving Ken staring after him.

I don't let people tell me what to think. Ken thought, surprised to hear such words coming from Mustang.

Do I?

Ken met Alyssa later that day, after his classes had finished, he rushed over to her college, waiting for her outside the gates.

Her expression lit up when she saw him waiting there for her; she came bounding over to him.

'I missed you so much!' she squealed excitedly, hugging him as tight as she could and laughing happily. 'My handsome man.'

'Hey Alyssa' he smiled down at her.

She tilted her head back, kissing him.

Ken closed his eyes, holding her in a firm embrace for a few moments, until they broke apart.

She leant back on her heels again, smiling up at him, looking so beautiful.

As he gazed down at her, a thought cut into his mind like a knife.

'Tell me, do you always let people tell you what to think?'

Ken furrowed his brow then, suddenly angry at himself.

Why am I thinking of Mustang now?

'Ken?' Alyssa faltered, her smile fading from her lips. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing' Ken said hastily, 'I just...' he frowned to himself. 'Do you think I let people tell me what to think?'

'What?' Alyssa blinked at him. 'No. Why would you say that?'

'It's nothing' Ken shook his head. 'It's just something someone at school said to me.'

'Don't let anyone make you feel negative about yourself' Alyssa told him. 'There will always be people out there who will wrongly judge you or try to make you feel bad about yourself.'

'Yeah' Ken mumbled, dipping his head. 'I guess you're right.'

'Come on' Alyssa beamed at him, taking his hand. 'Let's go to the park, I want to share an ice cream with you.'

They stayed together for hours after that, walking hand in hand through the park. Everything just as it had always been, and yet to Ken it felt different.

'Tell me, do you always let people tell you what to think?'

He couldn't shake Mustang's words from his mind, no matter how hard he tried.

At last it began to grow dark, and Ken walked Alyssa home, kissing her goodbye, before leaving her.

That night, Ken went home, and began to see fault in his life.

He sat down for a meal with his 'perfect' family. He was expected to say Amen before the meal, told off for putting his elbows on the table, pushed to finish his food when he said he was full, ignored when he tried to talk about school.

'What's gotten into you today?' his mother asked him after a time. 'I don't like this new you. You're making me feel like you're testing your boundaries, and testing my patience.'

After that he helped clear the table silently, going to bed early after washing the dishes and putting them away.

He lay in bed, hugging the sheets to him, and feeling thoroughly miserable.

What is happening to me? Why am I changing, why do I suddenly feel like this?

He gradually succumbed to sleep, waking the next morning, with the same guilt at the night before.

He went downstairs to find his family around the table having breakfast, they were already all awake before him.

'Morning sleepy' his sister called out. 'You're up later than usual.'

'Morning Sue' Ken smiled warmly at her, 'listen...' he began, addressing his family now. 'I'm sorry...I...wasn't in my right state of mind last night.'

'It's alright' his mother spoke warmly to him. 'We're just glad you're better now.'

'Yeah' Ken mumbled, 'I am...I'm fine now.'

Sue ran up to him then, hugging him tightly.

'I'm so glad!' she cried happily, 'I missed the old you...I'm glad you are you again!'

'Yeah' Walter grinned at him from across the table as they ate their cereal. 'We're all glad you're ok.'