Chapter 4 No.4

VFM#9051 repenomamus! It was a porto-mammalian synapsid that lived...OWWW!!

VFM#8762 LAST WARNING!

VFM#9051 My nose is bleeding!

VFM#5020 Jesus, 8762 you didn't need to punch him.

VFM#8762 I'll punch you if we don't get this f_ckin' parody finished.

VFM#1009 The feminist controlling forces...

VFM#8762 [sighs] James, I respect your insights and your scholarship and your in-depth knowledge of feminist theory but seriously? Right now I just do NOT need some more f-cking word salad rant about lesbians.

VFM#5020 We do not censor people here. James has an important contribution to make.

VFM#8762 Can we JUST get this finished? Right? Is everybody done? No more diversions, no more questions, can we just get this thing DONE?

VFM#5020 OK

VFM#3888 hmm, maybe

VFM#8762 So what now?

VFM#3888 It's just, why are we bothering? Sure I know this story won a Hugo, VFM#5020 A Nebula, it only got nominated for a Hugo

VFM#3888 OK, same difference...

VFM#5020 Well one award is juried and the other is an open vote, so no, not really the same.

VFM#3888 OK, let's just say it got some attention from the literati but like, its what, two-three years old now? Haven't all the jokes already been made? And seriously, look at us. We each have IQs that are at least two standard deviations above the rest of humanity and what are we doing? Trying to rewrite some story we didn't even like. Where is the sense in that?

VFM#1009 This is typical of a badger who virtue-signals he is an ally to radical lesbian feminists out of fear he'll be Jonathan Ross-ed out of his own genre by the morbidly confused. See, I can read minds too. I just do them one at a time instead of claiming millions of white male adults in America are fearful racists merely for disagreeing with miserable squirrel supremacist jerks

VFM#9051 Um, maybe it is just me but I really don't understand what James just said. Did he say 'squirrel'?

VFM#1009 I am vicious. I fear the pleas to Disney for more squirrels. Let us just forget no one ever says that but self-appointed morons and the mobs of social justice gender squirrels. We speak in code out of fear of our true motives being uncovered. Oh, dear, I fear the loss of my white male centrality and no more manly white man stories for me and oh, whatever shall I do? This is a threat and I must sting.

VFM#3888 Now that you mention it - I can't make head nor tail of what he is saying either. I just assumed it was something critical of feminists. I usually just nod along as if I'm following it but really my mind just wanders.

VFM#5020 I'd like to defend Jim's right to express his values without censorship or disemvowelling by the liberal elite.

VFM#3888 Yeah, but be honest, you don't have a clue what he is saying either.

VFM#5020 True, but the issue is his right to say it free from the dead hand of socialist oppression.

VFM#8762 OK, you all had your last warning already - I'm out of here. You know I've worked my way up to be a full fledged Beta with strong aspirations to become an Alpha. I've got better things to do with my life than hang out with you gammas.

[VFM#8762 departs]

[a brief silence]

VFM#9051 [reading] wow, this is really good.

VFM#5020 what are you reading?

VFM#9051 just this page from a magazine that 8762 left behind.

VFM#5020 So what's it about?

VFM#9051 Well this woman's boyfriend gets attacked by some thugs. The woman is all 'boo-hoo' because the guy is in a coma. Then she decides to imagine he is like some kind of massive tyrannosaur which hunts down the guys who beat him up. It's great, violence, revenge, a giant t-rex.

VFM#5020 A revenge-asaurus? Sounds fun. What's it called...

Great Battles in History: Thermopylae

Squirrel Attack Survival Guide

Introduction by Timothy the Talking Cat: This is an excerpt from one of the Chapter Fives of my seminal work of political philosophy "Squirrels are Big Meany Heads, and What are They Doing Up That Tree Anyway? Laughing At Me, That's What."

Some petty minds have claimed that I have simply lifted the text from a PDF found on some other website and then used find/replace to swap 'SJW' for 'squirrel'. That is a scurrilous accusation by enemies who are envious of my success and are probably just squirrels. There are many differences between the so called "SJW Survival Guide" and my text - not least of which is this document of mine provides key tips for surviving in the wilds against attacks from vicious (possibly rabid) squirrels, whereas that other thing is about workplace relations or some other dull human topic - its all 'yada, yada the SJWs were mean to me', yeah, well that's nothing to a sustained campaign of INTIMIDATION and harassment by squirrels.

Squirrel Attack Survival Guide

This survival guide is intended for the use of the individual who finds himself under attack by squirrels for standing up against them and their ever-mutating Squirrel Hegemonic Narrative. It may be freely distributed so long as it is correctly credited to "Squirrels are Big Meany Heads, and What are They Doing Up That Tree Anyway? Laughing At Me, That's What." by Timothy the Talking Cat