Chapter 3 3

The operating theater at New York-Presbyterian was smaller than Annika remembered from her training, but the smell was identical-iodine and ozone and the particular metallic tang of surgical steel. She stood in the observation gallery, scrubbed and gowned in borrowed blues, watching Dr. Voss navigate the nasal cavity with the delicacy of a man threading a needle in a hurricane.

"You're breathing too loud."

Annika didn't turn. Harlow had materialized beside her, coffee in hand, eyes fixed on the monitor showing the endoscopic view. Below, Voss was drilling through the sphenoid bone, the high-pitched whine audible even through the glass.

"I'm not breathing at all," she said.

"Exactly. You're holding it. Like you always did during your first year." Harlow sipped his coffee. "Relax. It's a straightforward case. Voss has done two hundred of these."

"I know." And she did. She could see the anatomy clearly, the carotid arteries pulsing on either side of the sella, the optic nerves vulnerable above. She knew exactly where Voss was, exactly what came next, exactly how she would have approached the tumor if it were her hands on the instruments.

The desire was physical, a tightening in her chest, a tingling in her fingertips. She pressed her palms against the railing, grounding herself.

"Dr. Fleming." A scrub nurse appeared at the gallery door. "Dr. Voss asked if you'd join for the closure. He's running behind and has a conference call at nine."

Harlow handed Annika his coffee. "Stay here. Watch the hemostasis. Voss is sloppy with the nasal packing."

He was gone before she could respond, disappearing through the door to the scrub area. Annika watched him enter the theater below, gown and glove with practiced efficiency, take his place opposite Voss without a word of greeting. They worked in silence, the kind of partnership that required no communication, only shared understanding of the task.

She'd had that once. With Harlow, during their residency, during the all-night trauma calls when they'd learned each other's rhythms, each other's instincts. She'd thrown it away for Ethan, for the promise of something softer, something that didn't require her to be sharp and excellent and constantly proving herself.

The tumor came out in one piece, glistening and gray, dropped into the specimen container with a soft plop. Voss stepped back, allowing Harlow to take over the closure, and Annika saw something she hadn't expected-Harlow's hands were different now. More confident, more economical. He'd become the surgeon she'd always known he could be, while she'd been playing at being someone else.

Her phone vibrated against her hip. She ignored it. Then again. And again, insistent.

She stepped back from the railing, checked the screen. Three texts from Ethan, sent in rapid succession, the timestamps showing he'd composed them between 7:15 and 7:18 AM.

The penthouse is empty. Where are you?

Maureen says you didn't check out of the Peninsula. This is ridiculous, Annika. We need to discuss the terms.

I have a table at Per Se for lunch. Be there at noon. We can talk this through.

She stared at the words, disbelief giving way to something colder. He still thought he could summon her. That a reservation at a three-star restaurant and a command would be sufficient to bring her running.

She typed: I will not be at Per Se. I will not be ready at any time you designate. Please refer to my previous message regarding attorney contact.

She blocked him again-she'd have to get a new number soon, something he couldn't trace-and returned to the railing. The case was finishing, Harlow placing the final nasal packing, Voss dictating the operative note. She should feel something-regret, envy, the bitter taste of paths not taken. Instead, there was only the steady beat of her own pulse, the familiar rhythm of surgical focus, the knowledge that she could still do this. Could still be this.

Harlow found her in the locker room, changing out of scrubs. He tossed her a bottle of water, which she caught without looking.

"You held your breath for seven minutes," he said. "During the dural repair. I counted."

"Old habits."

"They're not habits if you never stopped." He leaned against the locker beside hers, close enough that she could see the fatigue in his eyes, the slight tremor in his hands from caffeine and concentration. "Voss asked about you. Wants to know if you're taking the position."

"I haven't decided."

"Bullshit." Harlow's voice was quiet, almost gentle. "You decided the second you walked into my house. You're just afraid to admit it."

Annika pulled her sweater over her head, hiding her face for a moment. When she emerged, Harlow was watching her with an expression she couldn't read-something between hope and resignation.

"I need to go to the Clark Foundation house on Saturday," she said. "Eleanor invited me."

"The grandmother." Harlow's jaw tightened. "Annika-"

"She's not like the others. She was kind to me."

"Kindness isn't neutrality. She's still a Clark. She still has interests."

"I know." Annika zipped her bag, shouldered it. "But I owe her the courtesy of a goodbye. Properly, not through legal papers."

Harlow was silent for a long moment. Then he reached into his pocket, pulled out a set of keys, and pressed them into her hand. "My car. The Subaru. It's parked on Dean Street. Take it Saturday. Don't let them send a car for you. Don't let them control the terms."

She closed her fingers around the metal, warm from his body heat. "Harlow-"

"And Annika?" He was already walking away, white coat flapping behind him. "Don't hold your breath. Not for them. Not ever again."