Chapter 4 This Time, I Would Do It

For three days, time blurred into something thick and distant, and I locked myself away on purpose. I barely stepped outside my room, only leaving when I absolutely had to. My world shrank into something closed off and quiet, where every second went into planning how to get out. Staying here wasn't an option. Accepting a life as something owned and used by the pack wasn't an option either. As for Todd, I forced him out of my thoughts, like ripping out a ruined page. Silence cost less than facing it.

The walls felt like they were inching closer, tightening around me like a trap. My heart wouldn't slow down, my eyes stung, and nothing eased the weight building inside me. I tried reading to distract myself, but it didn't help. Every line felt like a cruel joke, every page reminding me of where I was stuck. I stopped caring about school. I knew I wouldn't be going back. It felt like saying goodbye without saying anything at all.

The gala was my only chance. In the middle of all that noise and attention, I could disappear. While everyone else drank and played their roles, I would leave. I packed my bag like it was the only thing keeping me alive. Clothes, food, every bit of money I managed to pull from my account. I didn't know where I'd go, only that I couldn't stay.

I bought a cheap phone and saved Lisa's number on it. Even then, I didn't send a message. Reaching out could put her at risk. So I stayed quiet. I kept everything from her, even while missing her already. If the pack ever noticed how close we were, she could end up paying for it. It was safer to act like nothing had changed.

On the third night, during dinner, I pushed my food around my plate, trying to make myself invisible. Then my father spoke, and everything shifted. We were leaving for the Silver Moon Pack's territory for the gala.

The walls tightened around me.

I forced myself to stay still, to keep my face blank, even as it felt like something alive was crawling beneath my skin. Maybe I had gotten too good at hiding it. Or maybe they simply didn't care enough to notice.

In two days, I would be surrounded by wolves searching for their mates, while all I wanted was a way out.

My father cleared his throat, and I looked up, caught off guard by the way he was staring straight at me. "Ava," he said, his tone soft but carrying the weight of an order. "This matters. For all of us."

"Yes, Father."

He went on, his voice steady and cold. "I would have preferred to leave you behind. But that would raise questions, especially with Jessa attending."

I glanced across the table. Jessa sat there, her expression shut off, while Phoenix watched me with that same distant look he used for things that didn't matter. The understanding between them was clear. I didn't belong in it. I felt completely out of place.

Like I didn't exist in their world at all.

My father's fingers tapped against the table. "I expect you to be flawless while we're there, Ava." His gaze slid over the fading bruises on my neck, and a shiver ran through me. They had lightened, but not enough. All I could do was hope they'd disappear before the gala.

I dropped my gaze and prodded my vegetables with my fork. "Yes, Father."

"Without a wolf, you won't be finding any mate there. So don't cause problems and keep yourself under control." He went back to eating as if nothing had been said. Beneath the table, my hand curled into a tight fist, my nails pressing into my palm.

His words should've made me shrink. Instead, they only made me harder.

The drive to Idaho felt like every other family trip. Quiet. Heavy. My parents and Jessa rode together, while I was placed with Phoenix.

The low hum of the engine and the steady rhythm of the road almost pulled me under. Phoenix drove like he owned the world, one arm resting loosely against the door, his posture easy. The radio stayed off. He carried the same cold distance as my father, the same quiet control.

The scenery shifted little by little. The worn hills gave way to darker mountains rising along the horizon. My thoughts wandered to Lisa. What was she doing right now? Would she forgive me for disappearing like this?

Phoenix's voice cut through the silence, rough and sudden. "You're not about to do anything stupid at the Lunar Gala, are you, Ave?"

A shiver ran through me before I could even think. My body tightened as I turned to look at him. Did he know something? "Of course not. Dad made himself clear."

Phoenix let out a low, unreadable sound. I wished, not for the first time, that I could understand them the way they seemed to understand me.

I looked away and focused on the window instead, watching my reflection blur with the movement of the car. "Besides, no one's going to choose a flaw anyway." The bitterness slipped out before I could stop it.

He didn't answer right away. Maybe he agreed.

Then he spoke, his tone flat. "At least Mason's willing to take you in. Not as a mate, but your kids would have a place. They'd be recognized. Protected."

The name hit me like a slap, and I flinched. "If there are even wolves left for that," I muttered.

He glanced at me for a second. "Right."

No. I wasn't going back to them.

He knew it. And still, he expected me to be grateful to someone who had beaten me for years and now saw me as nothing more than something to use.

I exhaled slowly and forced my thoughts elsewhere, focusing on the plan. The area around Shadowvale stretched wide, with too many roads, towns, and stations to track easily. If I moved carefully, I could disappear. I could leave a trail that led nowhere.

As we neared Shadowvale, something tightened in my chest. Fear mixed with something else. Hope. Stepping onto Silver Moon territory meant stepping into uncertainty, but it also meant a chance. Maybe my only one.

I glanced at Phoenix. His attention stayed on the road, his expression distant and cold. A quiet ache stirred as I thought of the brother he used to be. I pushed it down and shut it away.

That part of my life was over.

My plan came together piece by piece, steady and deliberate. Fear still ran through me, but it wasn't alone anymore. Something stronger held its ground beside it. Determination.

This time, I wouldn't just think about leaving.

This time, I would do it.

And I wasn't coming back.