Chapter 9 COMMUNION OF SCARS

The effort of standing had scraped the last reserves from my bones.

I slumped in the den's entrance, watching Kael's silent communion with the forest, until the chill of the earth seeped through my thin clothes and the ache in my body became a demanding roar.

With a defeated sigh, I crawled back to the bed of furs, each movement a study in frailty. I must have slept again.

When I awoke, a new clay bowl sat on a flat stone beside me, this one containing a mash of roots and dried berries, steam curling gently in the dim fungal light. The scent was earthy, bland. Sustenance, not pleasure.

Kael was back at the hearth, mending what looked like a leather sling with an almost ritualistic focus. I ate. It was tasteless, but warmth spread through my core. The simple act of feeding myself felt like a rebellion against the void within.

"You pushed too far," he said, not looking up from his work. The needle, carved from bone, moved steadily through the hide. "I had to see," I replied, my voice still a rasp, but stronger. "Seeing is necessary. Collapsing is not." He tied off the thread and bit it clean with his teeth. "The body sets the pace.

You will learn to listen to it, since you can no longer listen to your wolf." The words were a needle of their own, pricking the tender space of that loss. I flinched. He finally looked at me, his gaze assessing. "The pain of the body is a clear signal. A torn muscle screams.

A broken bone shrieks. The pain of the spirit... that is a fog. It disorients. It tells you you are lost, but not how to be found. We will start with the clear signals." He stood and walked to a shelf, returning with two objects. One was a long, smooth staff of dark, polished wood, taller than I was.

The other was a simple river stone, oval and grey, that fit neatly in my palm. "Tomorrow," he said, placing the staff against the wall near me and setting the stone on the flat rock beside my empty bowl. "You will use the staff to walk to the stream and back.

Just to the water and back. No farther. You will sit by the water, and you will hold this stone. You will feel its weight. Its temperature. Its texture. You will listen to the water, and you will feel the stone.

That is all." It sounded like a child's task. Pointless. "What does that achieve?" I couldn't keep the hint of bitterness from my voice. "It achieves you being present," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

"Your mind is in the past, with the blade. Your spirit is in the void, with your loss. Your body is here, dying of neglect. We must bring all of you to the same place.

The body is the easiest to anchor. So we start there." He returned to his seat by the hearth. The silence that followed wasn't empty. It was filled with the crackle of fire, the scent of herbs and leather, the solid, waiting presence of him.

It was a silence that demanded nothing from me, not even thought. For the first time, the hollowing inside me didn't feel like it was expanding to consume the world. It was just... a space. A terrible, quiet space within the larger, quieter space of the den. The next morning, he helped me stand and placed the staff in my hands.

The wood was warm, almost alive under my grip. Leaning on it heavily, I took one shuffling step, then another. The journey to the stream, a distance I could have crossed in a dozen healthy strides, became an epic, humbling pilgrimage. Every pebble was a mountain. Every slight incline a cliff face.

Kael walked a pace behind, a silent shadow, never offering help unless my knees truly buckled. By the time I lowered myself onto the sun-warmed stone by the water, my entire body trembled with exhaustion. Sweat beaded on my brow despite the cool air. I felt pathetic.

"The stone," Kael instructed, settling cross legged on the ground a few feet away, his eyes closed, face turned to the sun. I picked up the river stone from where I'd left it the day before. It was cool. Smooth in some places, pitted in others.

I turned it over in my palm, as instructed. I felt its weight. It was just a rock. I listened to the water. It babbled. It was just water. Frustration bubbled up, hot and immediate.

This was stupid. This was a waste of what little energy I had. I was a werewolf, or I had been, and I was sitting here contemplating a rock while my soul was in ruins. "Your breathing is shallow," Kael observed, his eyes still closed. "The stone did not cause that. Your thoughts did. Feel the stone. Not what it means. Just what it is." I gritted my teeth, trying to quiet the angry, grieving chorus in my head. I focused on the cool, solid reality in my hand.

The absolute, unthinking thereness of it. It wasn't a symbol. It wasn't a task. It was a stone. Over minutes, my frantic breathing began to slow, to match the steady, endless rhythm of the stream. And then, something shifted.

Not in the stone. In me. As my mental noise dimmed, the hollow space inside seemed to... echo. But not with silence. With a new kind of awareness.

I became acutely conscious of the rough weave of my borrowed trousers against my skin. Of the way the sunlight held more warmth than the shade, a tangible difference on my arms.

Of the incredible, intricate symphony of the forest-not just the water, but the rustle of a thousand leaves, the distant drill of a woodpecker, the sigh of the wind moving through different densities of needles.

I had been so numb, wrapped in a shroud of shock and grief, that the world had become a grey, muffled thing. Now, with the simple anchor of the stone pulling me into the present, my human senses rushed in to fill the void left by my wolf, and they were vivid.

Almost painfully sharp. A tear, not of sorrow but of sheer, overwhelming sensation, traced a path down my cheek. Kael opened his eyes.

He saw the tear, the way I was death-gripping the stone, my wide eyes taking in the fractal pattern of a fern as if I'd never seen one before. "The wolf's senses are a filter," he said quietly.

"It heightens some things-scents, the pulse of prey, the pull of the moon-and mutes others. Now the filter is gone. The world will come at you raw for a time. It is a gift, though it does not feel like one."

A gift. This hypersensitivity felt like a vulnerability. A wolf would have known if another predator was near long before it saw it. I would only know when it was upon me.

A wolf would have sensed a friend or foe by their energy. I was blind to everything but the physical. "I feel blind," I whispered. "You are," he stated simply. "But you are also newly awake.

A baby is blind to danger, but it sees the dance of dust motes in a sunbeam with a clarity an adult has forgotten." He stood, brushing off his legs. "Enough for today. Return."

The walk back to the den was slightly easier. The staff was no longer just a tool, but a point of contact, a way to feel the vibration of the earth with each step.

I was learning the map of the ground through my palms. That afternoon, as I rested, Kael began the true work. He sat opposite me, his silver gaze holding mine.

"The hollowing," he began, and the word no longer made me flinch, just filled me with a cold dread. "It is a wound. But it is not sterile. It is festering with the memory of the cut, with the poison of her intention.

This cannot be healed if it is not first cleaned." I swallowed, nodding. I understood. "Tell me of the moment," he said, his voice low and steady, a drum to march the pain out to. "Not the before. Not the after. The moment the blade struck your wolf." I didn't want to. The memory was a dark, spiked thing I'd been avoiding.

But his gaze was a lodestone, pulling the truth up from where it was festering. I took a shuddering breath. "It wasn't... physical. Not at first. She lunged at me, and I shifted, my wolf rising to the surface to meet the threat.

I saw the blade, but it was too late. She didn't aim for my heart." My voice began to shake. "She turned her wrist. It was a feint. And she... she plunged it inward.

Not into my body, but into the... the space between us. Into the bond itself." I closed my eyes, the memory unfolding with horrific clarity.

"There was a sound. A silent, tearing scream that wasn't in my ears but in every cell of me. It was the sound of a universe ripping in two. And then... a pulling. A terrible, violent suction, like my soul was being unraveled and yanked out through a pinhole.

I felt her-my wolf-being dragged away from me. I felt her terror, her confusion, her betrayal...

and then nothing. A snap. And silence. A silence so complete it was louder than the scream." Tears streamed down my face now, fast and hot. "I fell. Not from the physical pain, but from the... the emptiness.

Like the floor of the world had dropped out from under me. I was falling into that silence, and I've been falling ever since." I opened my eyes, expecting to see pity. I saw only deep, focused understanding. "Good," he said softly. "You have described the injury. The severing of a living tether.

The memory holds the shape of the weapon. Now," he leaned forward slightly, "you must do the hardest thing. You must feel what is there now. Not the memory of the cut.

The space it left." He asked me to close my eyes again, to breathe, and to turn my attention inward, not to chase the ghost of my wolf, but to feel the edges of the wound. It was agony of a different kind. It was like probing a tooth cavity with your tongue.

The hollow was vast, yes, but its edges were... strange. Not clean. They felt ragged, shimmering with a faint, residual energy that was not my own. It was cold. Metallic. It tasted of moonlight and malice. "It's... cold," I breathed out. "And sharp.

Like the ghost of the blade is still there." Kael's expression turned grimly satisfied. "The poison. The intention. She did not want you to just lose your wolf.

She wanted the loss to be an active, continuing punishment. A piece of the blade's purpose remains, like a splinter in your soul, ensuring the wound cannot close naturally." A new kind of anger, cold and clear, cut through my grief. This wasn't just an injury. It was a curse. A deliberate, ongoing violation.

"Can it be removed?" I asked, my voice hardening. "I do not know," he said, with brutal honesty. "I have never seen a hollowing so... maliciously crafted. But a splinter, left in, guarantees infection.

It must be addressed." He settled back. "For now, knowing its nature is the first step. You are not just grieving a loss. You are hosting a weapon. Remember that. It changes the fight."

That night, as I lay in the furs, I didn't just feel the hollow silence. I felt the cold, sharp edges of the splinter within it. It was a terrible discovery. But alongside the terror came the first, faint flicker of a new feeling.

It wasn't hope. It was purpose. The fight had a name now. It wasn't against grief, or even against Vivian. It was against the lingering echo of her blade lodged in my spirit. And for the first time since I'd woken in this earthen den, I knew exactly what I was fighting.