The U.M.I. Corp Connection

First Date

Slowly, she dropped her negligee, revealing a complete lack of underwear. He took off his shirt and then brought her to him, as she undid his pants. She then led him down seductively onto the bed and brought out a small bottle of oil. Caressingly, she rubbed it on his back, followed by him rubbing it onto her own breasts, slowly. They rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. Then he pulled her down to him, slowly kissed and suckled her breasts, and then -

SLAM! TOSS! CLANG! RATTLE!

I think I'll go back to bad detective novels; at least they have a plot. When it comes to the stuff in this book I think that I prefer the real thing.

I'm beginning to regret that recent promotion to Inspector First Class; I didn't know that it'd involve so much bloody paper-work! And boring? I'm the one now that hands out all the good assignments. Except for an occasional inspection of the scene of the crime to see who to assign to it, I never get out into the field. I miss my field work!

At least, though, I have tried to put my free time to good use. I gave ICy that memory upgrade I promised him; as well as a speed boost, a few extra systems upgrades, some extra peripherals, and a bunch of other hardware. Of course, I also spent some extra time delving into a few extra cybernets- courtesy of my new security rating since my promotion- and did up some new software for ICy.

It was about that time that I discovered that my new position didn't give that large a pay raise. So, lets just say that besides all my new hardware, I'm also thinking of buying a book called "1001 Microwaveable Recipes For Artificial Imitation Irradiated Spam"... well, maybe not that bad.

Now, some people asked me why I didn't also go in for one of those mind-computer link set-ups, and send my own mind roving around the local cyberspace. Well, I used to do that, but then I bumped into a large block of ice; the software security kind. I almost got my mind fried! Not wanting to get flat-lined, but also not wanting to give up the advantages of an intelligent mind in cyberspace, I did the next best thing. ICy. I programed ICy, my AI, with everything that I could find and then some. He's better than a net-runner since he's an expanded intelligence, and if he ever gets maimed by someone's system, I can always re-load his continually updating backup.

The door slides opens, revealing a five-foot-nine bipedal calico cat, wearing the latest in neon-paint miniskirts.

"Chief, " she walks over to the desk, flicking her tail, "here's the latest from uptown." She tosses a few envelopes on the desk and smiles.

I'm still not used to being called chief.

"Thank-you Miss Calico." I picked up the papers from my desk. Must be important stuff for them to have it dropped off instead of just pipe it over the com-net, unless of course their terminal broke down again.

She's wearing some of that pheromone perfume too.

Jee, I wish I was part cat- not that that ever makes any difference at times.

She wafts out of my office as I pick up the papers.

Sigh; no one can "waft" better than she can.

Let's see; standard bulletins about species discrimination; usual notes on gun running to Africa; and a memorandum on that new drug on the streets, Euphorium they call it. They want-

"Why're they giving use the case?! ICy!"

The top of the desk flips over as ICy's new terminal comes up and ICy's 3-D image materializes on command.

"Yeah boss."

For once he has a normal haircut on; he must be slipping, or maybe it's just his new hardware he's trying to impress.

"Get me the inside on why they're dumping this Euphorium job on me."

"You want the dope on the dope. Right oh!"

I wish he'd hadn't put it quite that way.

ICy hummed for a second. I never worry about his lines being tapped into, they're more secure than some government agencies' are; did it up myself.

"Got it. All the usual drug agencies are baffled by it, and some of the pushers are of multi-species varieties, as well as a good number of the users, which puts it under the jurisdiction of InterSpec."

"In other words, they're stumped by this hot potato, and since my record is so good..."

"They stuck you with it, you got it boss."

Ah well, "Okay, get me all you can on the stuff."

The screen shifted to a documentation view.

"Not too much on it. This all you got ICy?"

"I got that much out of a certain government cyber-system that I'm not supposed to be able to get into."

"Is this the one that you keep playing poker with over the comm-lines?"

I didn't think he'd respond.

I went through what there was. For the most part, Euphorium seemed like a drug-pusher's dream. Apparently it'll addict anyone on a first try with it. Permanently. No way to bring you off the stuff. Not that they haven't tried, but those who did, didn't live through the experience. And, when some gov. boys got hold of the stuff, an analysis couldn't tell it apart from water! It puts one onto a six hour high with just the minuscule of doses. Nasty stuff.

I spent about fifteen minutes assigning field agents to the case via their comm-links and then began shuffling papers away when I saw one of the envelopes that I hadn't opened. So I did.

In it was a business card to a high-class restaurant called The Velvet Moons, the time twelve noon written on it, and a single orange hair.

I sat back and smiled. Tiffany Grace Leewurt! Her calling card. Just what I needed to perk up my day. I haven't really had a chance to get to know her. It's 11:30 right now. I clicked on the intercom button.

"Yes sir?"

"Miss Calico, I'll being going out for lunch now so-"

"Is that what that unmarked envelope was about."

"-hold down the fort for a while."

"Okay chief."

I sometimes wonder how much more she actually observes than she lets onto.

"ICy-"

"The reservations were already made in your name about an hour ago."

Figures.

"-get my own private car revved up; I won't be going in any official capacity."

"Of course not, she's got a record. Well... she would have if she'd ever actually gotten caught at anything. But then-"

"Just do it."

I shut down his terminal and left the office.

The Velvet Moons is definitely a high class place. I mean, it's top-side and you can see the sun and everything (well, most of it... the air clarity was actually above 60% today; a good day). Its holo-sign glows its presence, not too ostentatiously though. I hope I wasn't underdressed. What's wrong with sneakers anyway?

Apparently the Doberman doorman thought there was. "I am sorry sir, but you must have a tie and proper shoes to be admitted."

Hmm. Well, how's about this one. I pulled out my ID, "Chief Inspector Flaatphut on official business. But don't spread it around as I'm not supposed to be here... if you know what I mean?"

"Yess ssir!"

That's one way.

I walked in and up to the reception desk to the stares of passing customers. I tucked my tee-shirt into my pants and approached.

"I have a reservation under Flaatphut"

"Hmm. Ah, here it is. Hacky Flaatphut?"

I won't even ask how she found out.

"Yes, that's me."

He brought out a tie, handed it to me and said, "Follow me."

I strapped on the tie (I'm not sure if it goes with the Ungrateful Living shirt that I have on) and followed him along.

The table was a nice private booth, probably the best one in the place. No wonder this guy was grimacing. I sat down and thanked him.

A thought just occurred... how was I paying for this? And the fact that that guy was tolerating my shirt seemed a bit weird. Hmm.

He came back again. Uh oh. He'd wised up and was going to lead me out, maybe into the kitchen where they'd take a big sharp knife and...

"The lady has arrived, sir."

Up behind him then comes the manx, Tiffany Grace. And she's dressed in a... well, she looks... WOW!!! That's got to be one of the lowest cuts I've ever seen on anything short of a belt (well, maybe not that low). But more so was the figure that wore it. This was the first time I'd seen her in a real dress, or in such an amiable setting for that matter either.

I shut my mouth (drool can be so uncouth) and stood up (I just wish that certain other parts of me hadn't stood up as well). I fidgeted a bit as she had a seat and then sat down myself as menus were put before us.

"I'll be back for your order, " he snooted.

Her orange fur was perfectly combed and the roundness of her figure showed through everywhere. What little fur-paint she wore as make-up was tastefully done around her face. Her dress hung as a loose symbiot of pastels. She had on a lovely pheromone fragrance. She had blue eyes.

She smiled, "It's nice to meet you in a less unfriendly setting."

Her eyes held desire and oceans of loveliness.

Oh, I've got it BAD!

"I... I didn't .. I mean, I've never seen you so much like a -"

"A lady?" she finished. "Well, among other things my parents taught me, they always said that you've got to have class in everything you do. So, they took me around to all the high class culture centers on Europe, Asia, and America."

That's one well-traveled lady!

The waiter came for our order. Before I could ask what language the menu was in, and if they had an interpreter, she began ordering in French (perfect dialect from the sounds of it too). After the waiter left, I decided I'd better ask.

"I don't mean to put a damper on things but, how -"

"A pre-paid account has been set up in your name. It's good enough for about a month of meals."

No wonder they were so polite.

"I won't ask any further because, if you tell me, then I'm afraid that I'll have to go back on duty."

She smiled, and then leaned over to adjust my tie (why did I feel like Kaver wearing this thing?), "Let's just say that I came into a slight windfall. But we're here to enjoy ourselves."

We talked through the shrimp cocktail, and gazed at each other coyly through the salad. The sherbet found our hands on each other's legs, and the main course found our hearts in each other's throats.

I think I was going to be a bit late from lunch.

Dessert came and I leaned over to her, as she leaned over to me. I reached and-

"Henry Jeffery! Well, I never expected to find you here! Here I come visiting, step in for lunch, and find just the one I'm looking for."

Only one person called me Henry Jeffery and only one person could reach that loud a decibel without trying.

"Hi mom."

But couldn't she have waited just a few minutes though?

"Have a seat mom. This is-"

"Tiffany. Yes, your mother told me all about you Tiffy."

This time she grimaced (well, slightly).

"How is your mother anyway?"

"She's doing... fine. Same stuff as usual. And I don't go by Tiffy anymore, just Tiffany."

"Oh, then she did pull off that project she had going. And Henry, I heard about your promotion and the commission to write that software defense against your Program Twelve. Oh, but that's supposed to be a big secret. So, how are you two getting along?"

Imagine being a kid trying to hide things from her. It was like trying to hide something from J. Edgar Hoover- not easy.

My mother, by the way, has on a long blue dress and some jewelry I don't ever remember her owning before. She still holds her age quite well. When her and Tiffany's mother used to team up, mom here would do all the distractions and patter. Can you guess why they were so successful?

"Oh, I think you two make such a cute couple. As I was telling your mother Tiffy-"

"Mom, I thought you were in Tampa Plex."

"Oh, well I thought as long as I needed a vacation anyhow, that I'd come up and visit you."

She's on a scam.

"And here I just finish up my business-"

She's already gotten the mark.

"-and was about to do some banking -"

On her way to the pick-up and hide the goods.

"-and I bump into you. How convenient!"

And I figure into her plans as a distraction just in case the mark gets a bit wise.

Tiff's paw squeezed my leg under the table as it began its way towards more private areas, "Mrs. Flaatphut, tell me, what was Henry like as a kid?"

As Tiffany was discretely finding out the best way to seduce me by asking about my past, I was noticing a couple of business suits trying to get in past reception. They were looking this way. Mother seemed to notice them slightly.

"Well, I've got to be going now; I've got an appointment. I'll be seeing you Henry Jeffery."

My mom got up and left out a back door.

A bit of a quick visit.

"I think it's about time we left also, " Tiffany smiled innocently, "especially with the uncouth gentlemen at the door, " she nodded.

The suits were now looking at me. I motioned the waiter and had him put the bill on my account (ah, what a feeling to be able to do that). We got up and approached the exit.

As we got near the suits they came towards us. They looked like they were going to try and detain me for some "questioning". I began to wonder how we were going to get past them without too much undue violence It was then that Tiff went into a swoon, almost falling onto one of the business suits.

"Oh John, I think that I'm not feeling too good; I think it's my condition again. You'd better take me home now."

I lifted her up a bit, "It's okay Charlotte, the car's nearby. Oh, gentlemen, " nodding towards the suits, "could you get the doors?"

They looked a bit confused and then one of them got the door.

"Thank-you"

"Oh, such kind gentlemen, " she said, almost clinging on to the door frame on the way out, as I tried to pull her away, "your mothers would be proud of you."

I finally managed to yank her free, the door closing behind us, and we'd gone no more than a few feet when she got up on her own and we began walking more rapidly.

"They friends of yours?" she asked.

"I don't think so. But they'll be following us."

"I bought us some time."

"Is that what the door frame bit was all about."

"I palmed some instant-stick epoxy capsules. It'll take them a few minutes to find the back door."

I smiled. Can you ask for more in a woman? Well, aside from bigger-

Well, anyway, we approached my car Tango Two and I began walking a bit more slowly, "Tiff, you go in first, I've got to get something from the trunk, " I handed her the keys as she nodded.

I went around to the back of the car as she unlocked the passenger's side and started to get in.

She was stopped by a pistol. "Be very quiet miss and tell your boyfriend to get over here, " a deep voice rumbled from the back seat.

"Henry, we have an unexpected passenger aboard. Henry?"

The sound of a pistol cocking was heard coming from the direction of the voice.

"If he isn't over here quick you'll - AUUWWK!"

How many people do you know who keep an emergency door hidden in the back of their car's trunk? Actually, I'd watched too many old flat-screen movies about people hiding in the backs of car seats.

Tiffany pulled the body outside; I'd shot a hole through his neck with my laser-pistol (not much of a weapon except at close range... like just now).

"He was probably only a flunky anyway, " she said as she heaved him aside, "but he probably has friends."

I closed the trunk and got into my side, "I'll write up the report for it later, " I started up Tango, "right now, the hair on the back of my neck is trying to tell me something."

The car floated up and I put her in gear and took off.

"Charlotte?! Couldn't you have picked something better?"

"If you can pick John, I can pick Charlotte."

I turned in to the thorough-fare tunnel, always busy just after lunch.

"We're being followed, " she looked at the rear-view screen.

"I thought as much. When was the last time you were on a rollercoaster?"

"It looks like a Jupiter-90 model-K; outfitted with some extras."

I flipped out a panel from under the dashboard. This time I was prepared, as I'd also fixed up Tango a bit.

"I got a few tricks for them. How're they making out?"

"Still holding back a bit. There's a bit too much traffic for anything fancy."

I turned onto a lower level exit-ramp.

"You have your specialties and I have mine."

I hit one of the switches and aimed the car up over the level of the other cars.

It hit like a rocket! We soared out over and past everybody. If you knew what the switch had put into the engine, then you might say that we were laughing all the way (or at least the car was).

"Took 'em by surprise, " she looked at the screen, "but they're waking up now."

The car in back of us began to take off after us, except that it was still down in the traffic, playing dodge-em cars.

I looked ahead- and nearly dodged a grav-truck. I went under it. Now, it takes a bit of doing driving under a grav-field like that; I've done it before.

The car followed under.

Apparently he'd hadn't had as much experience at it. His car did a corkscrew spiral, still following along.

"He's still following in back."

"They must be at least a little dizzy by now." I turned off onto a side street and took a drop shaft a few levels down, then took out about five levels down.

The car spiraled down the shaft after us, seeming like a rocket looking for a place to crash. After I came out, it slowly came out of its dive, almost crashed, bounced off the ground and then came bouncing along after me, hopping like a rabbit.

"I think the fight's about out of him, " I smiled.

"Yeah, but what about him?"

In front of us a rather large truck aiming directly for us.

I swerved over it and aside when out of the shadows came three more of the cloud-jumpers, each just like the one limping along in back of us.

I love a good chase but, I feel like Custer at Little-Big Horn.

I gunned it down a side street and into an area with a bunch of open-air shops and push-carts strewn along the plasteel street. I deftly turned, just barely missing a fruit stand- scaring its owner to no end- and soared out over a carpet salesman. Amazingly the carpets stayed put.

Each of the other four cars came soaring after me; the first car swerved by, causing the owner to leap into his fruit stand; the second car did an almost 45 degree turn-and-screech to avoid it, and still the stand held; and then the fourth car came whizzing by low enough to give the owner a haircut, but still, the fruit stand was narrowly missed in each case, the owner now cowering down into a ball. The carpets were being held down by three people trying not to become kites as the cars each soared by.

The owners were happy that they were still in business.

At least until the truck plowed straight through all of them like a rhinoceros. Fruit jam anyone?.

I screeched on down another street and into an alley and stopped to hide there. The light on this level was pretty average- none too bright.

"It'll never work, " Tiffany said, "they won't fall for it."

One car whizzed by.

Then two.

We waited a few seconds.

Another car went by and then finally the limping rabbit went by, now flying a bit straighter.

"See? Told you." I pulled out to head back up the way we came.

And nearly crashed into the slower moving truck.

"See, told you, " she mimicked.

I flew over the truck and on past it as it began to turn around.

"Time for another trick, " I said as I got another one of the switches ready.

All four cars came out of an alley in front of us and headed straight for us.

The truck was in back of us.

The four cars were coming straight for us.

I smiled.

She smiled, "You aren't going to do what I think you're going to do?"

I smiled, flicked the switch and then took off straight up.

"I guess you are, " she said as the sudden force slammed us back into our seats.

The switch released a sudden explosion of smoke, as down below us I heard the sound of grav-engines being thrust suddenly into reverse.

I straightened out and looked down.

Darn! No one crashed.

The cars had made a nice clover-leaf design around the truck, each no more than about an inch from any of the others.

I gunned it as the clover-leaf began to pull itself apart.

"I think they've seen the same movies that you did, " she offered, "you got any other tricks?"

I opened up the glove compartment and took out a funny looking gun and handed it to her.

She looked it over.

"It looks like a small magnetic gun of some sort."

"A hand-held version of what I used up in MUT HQ. Good for one shot only, so make it good."

She leaned out the window as I pulled out onto a main air-way again, not so crowded now. The cars were now a mile behind us but closing. My extra-booster fuel was used up. I waited until they were a few yards away- at which point laser bolts began spoiling Tango's new finish- and then went into the opposite lane, straight for a car headed my way. Another laser bolt sent Tango's rear bumper hanging off at an angle. The approaching car screeched as I pulled up last minute. The cars that had followed me each in turn barely made the upward turn, as the poor befuddled first approaching car stopped as the driver hid under the seat, hoping that all this was just a nightmare.

I then headed for an off-ramp tunnel, out and down, came out the other end and went immediately up the on-ramp tunnel.

"They're still behind us, "

"We'll see about that."

I screeched out another tunnel and went up the wrong way in an off-ramp tunnel, narrowly avoiding the same car as before (by the time that all four cars had passed him, I think that the driver just got out and walked). I then crossed over the lane divider (the cars don't have to honk that loud when I pass), went up a down-shaft ramp, out an on-ramp and up an off-ramp. I was getting a bit dizzy by this time.

They were still behind us, their guns giving Tango even more dents.

"They sure didn't take a correspondence class in driving; they know their stuff. Where to now?"

"Over there, " she pointed.

It was a power plant. I soared over there, cars on my heals, and went into the restricted area, pedestrians in hard hats waving at me. The cars were a few feet in back of me.

Tango jolted.

"They hit one of your engines, " she motioned.

"Great! Get ready with that gun."

I was mad now! Tango was flying at a lopsided angle. I headed straight by one of the electrical towers, cars on my heals.

Just as we passed it, "Now!"

She was ahead of me and was already firing out the window at the tower. It started a rather large spark on the tower; didn't harm the tower much, but the wild electric field arced over the second car, causing it to spin wildly. The third car went crashing into the second one as the fourth car sped into both of them. The whole mess then plowed into the electrical tower, incinerating as it did so. Splat! Messy. One left.

"The rabbit's still with us, " she observed, "now what?"

"Now we pray for a bit of luck, "

We soared out onto a road again.

And I forgot about that truck! The one coming straight at us with a big gun now mounted on its front. I felt like a clay pigeon facing an elephant gun.

I pulled straight up just as it fired. It missed us and hit, guess what? The gun fired some sort of electrical effect (probably meant to paralyze the engine) but the other car was already in bad shape and well...

The fireball that the car became went straight into the truck and became an even larger fireball. I veered away out onto the main street tunnel, leaving the wreckage for the local metros to clean up.

I straightened out what was left of Tango Two and set the autopilot for my place.

Tiff let out a sigh, "Now what was that all about?"

Yeah, and did mother have anything to do with it?

I wondered, as Tiffany lay her head on my shoulder, on the trip back home.

She muttered under her breath, 'ere we drove out of sight, "You sure know how to show a girl a good time on a first date."

A Mother's Visit

I punched in my security code, presented my thumb over the scanner, and opened the door to my apartment. A quick glance at the security monitor as we came in, showed that there were only three break-in attempts today; two of them were jailed by my security system and one was hospitalized. An off day for the local hoods. ICy must have had some fun.

It's not that I live in a rough section of town; after all, it's only a mid-level apartment, it's just that I like making sure. It may not be the best of places to live, but it's all mine. It's in a pretty good section of town- not too many break-in attempts per day, and only half a dozen murders every couple of days- and the light on this level is almost up to the early-morning brightness of Outside most of the time... Well, if you could see the sun regularly through the "air". Not as dismal as the down-side sectors. The power can be a bit unreliable at times, but I keep a back-up generator anyway. All in all, rather homey.

I cleared some of the debris- memory cubes, print-outs, papers, magazines I never read, that sort of thing- off the auto-form couch for Tiff to sit on and went on to my little kitchen nook.

"Want anything?" I offered.

"Yeah, " she sat down, "a holiday."

I punched up a couple of drinks and some cheese on the food-synth, waited while it spat out the tray of goodies and then went back into the living room.

"All part of an average day's mayhem, " I put in.

"You must have some days."

"ICy, something relaxing, please, " as I sat down next to her.

Immediately, the Wall screen lit up with a holo-view of a forest, stream, and the like, as the air-vents began pumping through some pine-scented air, and sounds of birds and wind blowing began to be heard faintly in the background.

"That's more like it, " she purred.

We snuggled together.

I took off my jacket.

I folded it and put it aside.

And found the note.

Tiff glanced over, "Want me to guess who it's from?"

"Not really."

It read:

"Sorry to mess up your lunch, but I needed the diversion of attention. I'll be visiting soon.

–Mother.

PS: I think you got a cute one."

Below the PS was a small stenciled platinum angel.

"Oh no, " I sighed

"Now what?"

"Every time she uses that stencil that means she's definitely on a big scam. Usually dangerous."

"So one might surmise by the game of tag we just played. By the way, would you want the license numbers of those vehicles?"

I smiled, "ICy! The lady has some numbers for you."

She spoke them out into the air, after which ICy's disembodied voice acknowledged he was on it. We waited a couple of minutes for the results to come back, snuggling even closer while we waited.

The sounds of birds chirping and streams trickling got cut off as ICy's voice announced his findings.

"Okay gang, I got the dope. All vehicles are registered under United Medical Industries Corporation; U.M.I. Corp for short."

"And they are...?" I prompted.

"A multinational medical conglomerate. Sells pharmaceuticals and medical equipment all over the planet, and rakes in a couple of giga-bucks a year doing so. Anything else will take a bit longer."

"That's fine ICy."

The birds and stream resumed their relaxing audio massage.

"Now what did your mother do to get them so mad. And why didn't they just tell the metros."

"Mother usually tends to engineer a con so that it would be even worse for the mark to go to the authorities."

"Which means that she's got something on them, " Tiff remarked.

"And may not know exactly how big a something it is."

"Which is why I came to see my faithful son. Oh your apartment does need a bit of cleaning."

We both looked around and, sure enough, my mother had just come in the door behind us. ICy must have let her in; have to talk to him.

She had gotten out of her earlier dress and was now done up in a street outfit, ragged jeans, day-glow colors, a multi-colored wig (which she was presently removing), a gang jacket, and a pair of orb-like earrings that could double as door knockers.

"I come to visit and the least you could do is clean this place up a bit, " she began dusting off a nearby chair, "and all these papers. And you look like you don't eat well. I do hope that you're a good cook, Tiffy."

We just stared.

"My boy so needs a good diet. Oh and this atmosphere! Too quiet. ICy, a good soft rock beat please, " the sounds changed to some electro-rock rendition of the Beatles, "That's better. Oh, and congratulations on your recent promotion. I knew my little boy would go up in the world."

Part of the reason that my mother is such a good con artist is her unequaled ability to talk incessantly for hours without anyone seeing her take a breath.

"And you haven't called me in weeks! I know that you have a busy schedule and new girlfriend but still -"

I put two fingers in my mouth and let loose with an ear-shattering whistle.

"Yes darling? You wanted to say something?" looking completely innocent.

Tiffany had a look of relief on her face that said she was glad that there was some unused air left in the room.

"Nice to see you again, mom. Now, what mischief has this latest con gotten you in to?"

"Oh, that, " she sat down between me and Tiff, "I just met this upper-management type, works at U.M.I. Corp I think, and got him interested in one of my investment schemes. It seems he needed a tax dodge for some not-quite-so-legal cash he had and had to launder it, and so I got him to invest and put it into an account and then pulled my old false-account-money-drop shtick."

Tiff cocked half an eyebrow, "You came up with that bit?"

"Oh, ages ago; when I was working with your mother."

Now, the bit about the account-drop is a cute little gag you can get rigged up with a bank. You just ask for an account with an automatic transfer feature, such that everything deposited into it above a certain specified amount, say one dollar, gets automatically transferred into a different type of account, only you don't tell the other person this. Then, you just have to con him into putting his money into an otherwise secure account and, a couple of minutes later, whoosh, away it goes. Neat really.

"Mother, they sent everything but hover-tanks at us."

"Remember the truck, " Tiff put in.

"Okay, ...so including tanks. But, do you have any idea why they might take it so personally? I mean, exactly how much did you bilk him out of?"

"Oh, not too much really. Just about five hundred grand and a private yacht in my name. Just a quick three-day job while I'm in town."

Not one of her larger jobs, but still.

"What happened to Tampa Plex?"

"Oh, that place got so boring. I scammed enough retirement checks to make it over here, though. I think I'll use the yacht to sail around the world; see if it's changed since the last time I was there."

I sighed. Guess why I don't work in Tampa Plex. I mean, I love her, but still...

"Doesn't sound like anything that that type of person would get worried over, " Tiff contributed, "What was his name?"

"Let's see. A Mr. Thed Everest Klein. Nice black-furred Doberman pincher, around thirty-five."

"ICy!" I shouted into the air.

"Working."

Pause.

"He's vice-president of their medical dispersement division, earns fifty grand a year, and has five million in his account."

"Say what? I've heard of fringe benefits before but, ... how long has he worked there ICy?" I smelled something wrong.

"About five years."

"He sure knows how to squirrel away his savings, " Tiff put in, "what kind of account did he get the five hundred grand out of?"

Pause.

"A special company account, not specifically his own."

Tiffany straightened up and stretched, "Sounds like he was trying to launder some cash for the company and lost some cash he shouldn't have."

"And then got into some deep trouble for it."

"I guess they thought that I gave the new account number to you, dear, " mother looked so apologetic.

"But what type of account would they get so concerned over? ICy?"

"Don't got nothin' boss. They clean as a whistle."

Tiff looked at me, "Sounds like a field trip, Henry."

"Yeah. Mom, you got another place to stay?"

"Of course; you don't think I'd actually let them know where my real apartment is, do you? I rented two, he only saw one, which is now emptied out, checked out of, and paid in cash for."

She always was thorough.

I got up and got my jacket. "Then we'd better get going. Let yourself out when you want to mom, I'll treat you to dinner sometime soon." Guess at which restaurant. "ICy, tell the office that I'm on a field inspection or something."

"Yes, boss."

"Don't sell my apartment while we're gone, mom."

Tiffany got up, put her arm around my waist, and out we went.

Doctor Flaatphut

U.M.I Corp was on level five in the high-rent business sector, where the air was relatively untainted by industry and people smells. Outside, it was all black-tinted plasti-glass and gleaming metal. As we walked into the lobby, I noticed secreted security cameras viewing us from every angle. A few decorative ferns greeted us in the lobby as well as a smiling female volpanoid receptionist. Tiff and I walked over.

"What can I do for you?" she smiled, as she combed out her fur.

I produced my ID, "I'd like to speak to someone in authority, if you don't mind."

She smiled again, "I'll call up mister Tressel. May I know the nature of your visit please?"

"Official."

She smiled again, spoke into an intercom, smiled again, and a few minutes later, out walked this dark-skinned human gentleman, dark-haired, three-piece suit, dour smiling look, the whole bit.

"Inspector Flaatphut, how nice to meet you, " he smiled, producing a hand for me to pump, "and what can we do for the nice people over at InterSpec?"

"I'd like to discuss a run-in I had with some of your employees."

"Well, " he smiled again (or still?), "come into my office to discuss it, " ending with another smile.

He smiled and motioned us in.

The receptionist smiled us away.

Tiffany was turning a nice shade of green from all of this smiling. I was about ready to throw up breakfast myself.

We sat down in his office as the auto-door slid closed quietly behind us.

"Now, what's this all about?"

"Well, " I sat back, "it appears that some of your more over-enthusiastic employees mistook us for a hockey-puck during their lunch-hour an hour ago. Four cars and a truck."

"I got the license numbers right hear, " Tiff handed over a piece of paper, "they gave us a pretty good chase."

He looked at the numbers, "Well, I can look them up, but I'm sure that you're mistaken. Our employees aren't in that habit of chasing down government officials."

As opposed to chasing down real people or what?

"The license numbers trace to your company car-pool, " I pointed out, "and my car has the dents and bangs to prove it."

"Hmm. I'll punch them in and we'll see what we can see."

He punched them into his terminal and then looked up again, "Well, it does seem that those are our cars."

"And why were they chasing us then? We weren't even-"

"And, it appears, " he interrupted, "that these cars were reported stolen a few hours ago."

Figures.

"I don't suppose that finding stolen cars is in your branch of the police? We could use those cars."

I looked a bit miffed, "That's for the metros, I'm InterSpec."

"Sorry, it's just that if you've seen one cop you've-"

"I wonder, " Tiff interrupted, "what is it that you make here? I've never been inside a place like this before. It's all just so fascinating, " she smiled back with a flip of her head.

I think she's been watching that receptionist too much.

"Well Miss, I suppose, for all the trouble that our stolen cars have put you through, I could arrange a little tour, " he punched an intercom button, "send up Dr. Husteff."

"By the way, " I ventured, "a friend of my mom's works here, I thought I'd look him up. His name's, ah let's see, a Mr. Thed Everest Klein. I think he's in your finance division."

"Let's see, " he hunkered over his display, "Klein... ah. He quit this morning. Something about a trip to the middle east for a few years. I'm afraid that he's out of reach."

Yeah, permanently.

At this point, in walks a five foot tall male grey-furred muskrat in a lab coat and horn-rimmed glasses.

"Ah, Dr. Husteff. Please give these two a tour of the facilities. They're special guests."

I don't like it whenever someone words things that way.

"Oh, if I must, " he looked a bit put out, "Follow me."

He adjusted his glasses and we followed.

First he brought us into a room with lots of big machines filling up a bunch of little bottles. Squirt, Spew, Cap. Squirt, Spew. Cap.

"This is where we fill all of our medicines, prescription and otherwise, " he sniffed, wrinkling his nose, "The machines are precisely computer controlled."

It all looked innocent enough so far.

"Is it ever possible for a prescription bottle to make it into a box meant for off-the-shelf use?" I asked.

He looked slightly shocked, "Why of course not. Everything is constantly monitored. Nothing happens that shouldn't. But it's time for the next room."

We left the room of many machines behind.

The next three rooms were one stage of the manufacturing process or another. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing to indicate unclean money or any reason to get upset about a little missing cash. But, still, I just had a feeling that I had stumbled into something.

About an hour later, we were in some food-vendor machine area.

"Now, if you'll just wait here, I have something to check out."

I'd been so busy with trying to spot hidden clues in the tour, that I can't remember exactly when Tiffany took off.

In walked the good doctor again.

"Dr. Husteff, I was wondering -"

He looked up, "Who are you? This is a restricted area. I'll have to call security."

"But wait, you were-"

He sniffed and scurried out.

A bit odd.

Oh well, that's a doctor for you. I went to one of the vending machines, put in a coin, and punched up a candy bar. It had a funny taste to it; probably older than this building was.

As I was munching and grimacing, I turned around, and noticed out in the hallway, through the other door, the doctor going down the hallway coming from a totally different direction from which he left.

Funny, he didn't look like the athletic type.

I heard a noise behind me and turned around.

It was the good doctor again.

This guy must be Olympic material!

"I'm sorry if I took so long. Now, if you'll just follow me for the rest of the tour."

And with a short memory too. What happened to security? I was about to say something but instinct said not to.

Who listens to instinct anyhow.

"Doctor, were you just out in that other hallway?"

He looked at me as if I were a new kind of bug.

"Never mind."

Sometime in the walk back down to the entrance, we were rejoined by Tiffany.

"Well, I hope that you enjoyed your tour, but, if you don't mind, I have to get back to work."

We passed by the receptionist as he led us to the door.

I think they glued that smile directly onto her face.

Once outside and out of security-cam range, Tiff spoke up.

"Henry, was the doctor with you all of the time."

"Yes. Why."

"Because, then he's triplets. I saw two more of him in widely separated areas of the building."

"In that case, he's quintuplets. What else did you see on your little tour."

We got into Tango as she finished up the rest.

"Well first, a number of security personnel that read like a list of Who's Who In Crime or Thugs-Are-Us. And second, a high security closed off area that I think merits a closer inspection."

"Hmm, " I banked Tango onto the express-way tube, "Questionable personnel and an off-limits zone. The high security could be legit, but still."

I get into more trouble just by thinking.

"We'd need a reason..."

She looked up at me, "I dropped my contacts over there...?"

"Good enough."

I gunned Tango and began to think about how.

I feel silly in this doctor's outfit; like something off a bad soap opera. Tiff's done up as a nurse. I think she has the better end of the deal.

It's around nine and we'd spent the past few hours preparing our get-ups, having a cozy little dinner together (guess where), and uptown yelling at me for being AWOL the past half-a-day. I was going to have to have something good for them after this.

We'd found a back employees-only-type door and were approaching it.

"Are you sure this is the only way? I mean their security system isn't too complex and ICy could-"

"Ah, baby-poo, " she mocked, "when are you going to learn that you can't do everything by computer? Sometimes things just require the personal touch. Besides, if there's anything funny going on, it wouldn't be in their com-net."

"True. But couldn't-"

"It's either this or be a patient."

I succumbed to the wiser choice.

As we approached the security door, before I could wonder about getting past it, she produced two security passes and the doors opened.

I didn't ask. Besides, what we're doing is boarder-line legal anyhow.

"Well, lead on McDuff."

"It's two floors down from here, I think."

We headed for the elevator.

We waited for the elevator.

It opened.

And out came two security guards.

"So, Doctor McFoot, " she said studiously, "what do you think of the RNA count in that last specimen?"

"Well, Doctor Sweeney, I think that we should increase the proportion of RH factor in the TBE and R-Colon mixture."

"And then PH the rest."

"Of course. Excuse me gentlemen, " I moved past the guards, who were getting out, "And then we check the E-count."

As the door closed, I half heard the guards make some comment about intellectual types.

As the elevator moved downward I noticed another security-cam above us. Tiff noticed it too so we both just kept shut. This place had an awful lot of security for just a medical building.

The elevator stopped and the door opened.

The hallway was painted in green. Towards the left it became outlined in red.

I didn't have to guess which direction.

We walked down the red corridor, blathering our nonsense, until a doctor walked by. Hm, doctors know what part of our nonsense is real or not. Hmm.

We shifted our conversation to tennis.

He gave us a second look, shook his head and walked on by.

We came to a room of many doors.

"Now what, " I whispered under my breath.

"Well, " she whispered back, "I doubt if it's the one labeled Lounge."

"It couldn't be Supplies."

"And the Lab is bound to be a bit busy."

"How's about the one labeled Lab-Storage, " I suggested.

"Bingo, " we both whispered together.

The door was locked, of course.

"Here, let me, " she offered.

"No, I haven't forgotten everything mother taught me. You just watch my back."

"Don't I always, " she smiled seductively.

Business, think Business.

Of course, it has been a few years since I had to pick locks on a regular basis.

Two minutes isn't that long.

Click.

"It's about time, " she whispered over to me.

We crept in past the door.

The room was wall to floor to ceiling full of boxes labeled as various forms of medicinal torture, excuse me, I mean medicine. We looked around, seeing nothing but meaningless Latin names. Personally, I think they just make up most of these names; I mean, I've heard kids make up the same sort of nonsense words when they-

"Over here, " she whispered.

I went over. The boxes indicted were labeled as water. I looked closer and then took out my IR-goggles for an extra look-see.

"Don't touch it, " I warned, "it's surrounded by security beams."

"For a few boxes of water?!"

"Maybe it's Perrier?" I offered.

She smiled and began to look for the beam source.

Between her expertise and my hardware knowledge, this security system didn't stand a chance. It took us twenty seconds to deactivate the whole thing.

"Now, let's see what kind of funny water mama brought us today, " I said as I opened up the crate.

Inside the packing material were five bottles of a clear liquid. I picked one up. It looked like water.

I opened and sniffed it. It smells like water. Hmm. Maybe a taste?

Now, you don't think that I'm that stupid, do you?

"This stuff reads like ordinary water."

"Can't be, " she replied, "too much security around it. Maybe an analysis?"

"I know a guy that probably could, no questions asked."

"Well then, let's get out of here, because if we hit that trip-beam that was probably in front of the door as we came in, then the guards should about be here."

"I thought it was too easy."

"Makes life more exciting and worth living that way, " she smiled.

I went over and peeked out the door. Four six-foot Doberman guards were coming our way. Well, if it works in the movies...

I came rushing out, "there's been a break in, you've got to check it out. It's over there. Some thief-"

"We just caught that thief. Come with us."

"But you don't understand, I'm a doctor and-"

Does everybody watch the same movies I do?! I mean, get a life guys!

"According to your security tag's scanner read-out, unless you name's Henrietta, you're a thief."

Oops!

They grabbed me by either shoulder. These guy are strong!

Two of the guards got hit in the neck by small darts and promptly fell down. I kicked a third in the- well, let's just say that I removed him from the gene-pool- and a fourth I actually decked in one blow.

Okay, so I did see another dart hit him at about the same time.

Tiff came out of the room as I asked, "What's in those darts?"

"Enough stuff to put an oak to sleep for about a week. Come on."

We sprinted for the elevator doors, stopped to look calm as the doors opened, walked in, and sighed as the doors closed.

"Do you think they-"

The elevator stopped.

"-have overrides on this thing? Yes, " she finished for me.

"This sounds like my department." I went over to the buttons, brought a screwdriver out of my pocket, and popped open the panel.

Ten seconds of tinkering and the elevator was moving again.

"Minorly impressive, " she said, "now what about that camera?"

"I know how to handle those too."

I smashed it with the handle of my screwdriver.

Hey, it's not high-tech or subtle, but it works.

We rode for a few seconds before the doors opened.

We looked out.

No one around. Strange.

We calmly walked towards the doors.

"What about the elevator?"

"I sent it on a tour of every floor."

We walked over to the back doors, approached and-

They wouldn't open.

"How are you with these, now?"

"Let's find out, shall we?" I bent down to work on the door's panel.

I heard footsteps in the distance.

"Hurry up!"

The door opened and I rushed us through.

Guards appeared around the hallway.

The door closed behind us.

"What about the door?"

"I put it on a time lock; it won't open for about an hour or so."

As we approached Tango, refuge in sight, Tiff halted me.

"It's been broken into; I stuck a peace of my fur in the door and it's not there anymore."

I think that she uses pieces of her fur for almost everything.

"In that case, stay in back of me; I'm good with booby-traps."

"And I'm not?"

I looked inside the window, at the door and around the lock. It was wired. Probably break an electrical circuit if I opened the door. Have to maintain electrical contact. I could tell ICy to run a low current through the entire car. I examined the wires further.

A very professional job; barely seeable at night, hidden well, and most importantly, wired to also activate if an excess current was also applied. I got out my clippers and took off my watch. If I could re-wire it to go through my watch batteries instead of the door...

I carefully pulled on the wires, wrapped one around to the inside of my watch, activated my watch, took my clippers, and...

Click. The door opened. No boom.

Tiff sighed as we both looked in.

It was a small box with a proximity detonator on it.

"This guy don't quit. Well, I'm not giving up on Tango."

I looked at the circuit. It had a few elements in it that were sometimes a bit photo-sensitive. I carefully reached around and pulled a flash-light out of the glove-compartment.

"Tiff, the light should keep those circuits confused for a few seconds. Clip the black wire when I shine on the light."

She nodded and I turned on the light.

She clipped the wire.

Again, no boom.

I carefully took the box out of Tango, unwrapped the wire from the door, and left box, wire, and my watch (still hooked up to it; oh well, watches are cheap) on the ground. I then bent down and opened up the box.

I stopped; what I saw put my heart somewhere around my feet.

"What is it, " Tiffany inquired, "what's in there?"

"The calling-card of a dead-man, " I replied somberly.

She looked over my shoulder, saw it, and then shuddered.

"But that's impossible, " she gasped, "he's dead."

"I know, " I brought out a rag, "And we're going to need this as a clue."

I grabbed it with the rag as it was probably poisoned and brought it out.

It was a nine-inch dagger, blade and hilt made out of a single cut of black obsidian, with a single point of red light gleaming from the center of its hilt.

I carefully put it in my glove compartment. The symbol of the Black Dagger, with his (or her or its?) habit of giving you the very weapon with which you would die.

We quickly got into Tango and nervously drove off.

In the distance, my watch buzzed ten just as the box exploded back in the parking-lot.