Love Me Back To Life

S A D T E E N SERIES

Love me back to life.

Written under the inspiration of

Infinity by Jaymes Young

Chapter 1. (Felicia)

It was a very cool evening and the evening sun casted long shadows on the ground. The slanting rays of the setting sun gave a warm orange tinge to the sky. The sky was ablaze with the fire of the setting sun.

I heard a faint voice call my name from the balcony,

"Felicia! Felicia!" I knew for once it was James my boyfriend so I hesitated to answer.

Then he started throwing rocks at my window and his voice which was faint became louder.I felt so happy and sad at the same time.

Why?...He was blind.

After a period of thirty minutes I stopped hearing the sound of the rocks thrown at my window. I felt so relieved thinking he had given up and probably thinks I'm not around.

Two minutes later I heard his voice again ,

"Felicia! Baby please come out"

I then reluctantly opened my windows with a face as long a fiddle.

"Can you come back later?" I drawled

Then he gave me this captivating smile and replied a "no".

Almost blushing I asked why and he replied saying,

" Because I love you for infinity"

Different people have different perceptions, different vantage points about love and how it affects us individually.

My name is Felicia John and this is my story;

I had recently been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and I could still remember vividly the shock on my mother's face at the teaching hospital.

A month ago I started experiencing delusions and hallucinations and my thoughts seemed out of touch with reality. Infact, my life was turned up side down.

My first psychotic episode happened when I tried to save an old lady from being hit by a speeding truck but I was the one that almost got killed. The old lady I thought I saw, wasn't really there. I argued with my mom that there was an old lady at the middle of the road with tears rolling down from my eyes. I sustained few injuries on my face.

The weirdest thing of all is that despite all those things I had no clue that something was wrong with me.

Everyday was a mystery. My mother became worried after that incident and many other incidents that had taken place. She suggested that I should see a psychiatrist. I had no option but to agree because I love my mom and didn't want to be a pain in her ass.

My mom suffered a lot after my dad divorced her and she was also dismissed from work. My dad figured out that she lied about her age and filed for a divorce immediately.

Few months later he got married to his co worker.

Oh well,I wasn't surprised even though I became very depressed after he left.

My mom was devastated but she is a strong woman.

* * * * * * * *

That Saturday morning, my Mom and I were supposed to go to the hospital and the thought alone made me cry my eyes for hours. I had to cry quietly since my Mom was still asleep and I didn't want to wake her.

I made breakfast that morning; our same old powdered chocolate tea and wheat bread. My Mom was still asleep so I placed her own meal on a plastic tray and took it to her.

" Mom" I called her with my cracked morning voice.

She woke up with a painful smile and took the tray from my hands, kept it on the bed and knelt down to pray.

My religious fanatic!

We prepared and left to the hospital immediately.

At the entrance of the hospital I saw a little girl dressed in pink dress approaching me with beautiful sunflowers. She had a solferino- red hair and it tumbled over her shoulders. I held my mother's old soft hands tight because I wasn't sure if the pink little girl was real or not.

I also didn't want to create a scene at the hospital. I'll definitely do anything to avoid that disappointing look on my mother's face. We sat for hours in the waiting room waiting to be called to meet the doctor.

"Number 35" The young skinny nurse called.

It was my number. Finally it was my turn to meet the doctor.

We met the doctor. She asked me few questions and after a bunch of test I was diagnosed with Schizophrenic Spectrum Disorder. I wasn't happy neither was I sad. I just felt like I was one of the most unlucky people on this fucking planet.

I was given different drugs including anti depressants. I had to take my drugs three times daily. I had to make sure that I was far away from bottles, knives, swimming pools and other things that my mind can use against me.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder in which your brain starts to create images that are not real and anyone suffering from it ain't aware or else been told.

After several weeks, my mom got a new job at a mall. I was so excited because she could probably find another man there and be happy.

And now I can spend more time alone at home and no one would have to look at me with pitiful eyes and wonder what I'm doing every fucking time.

You see, I'm an introvert. And being an introvert is like a personality, something you are born with. It's like a skin you cannot shed off miraculously. I have tried in various occasions to make friends or randomly talk to people but it all failed successfully.

At my 4th grade there was this certain girl who didn't have friends just like me. I could say she was a nerd because she was always with a book, reading it or just holding it. I thought to myself it would be cool to talk to her which I did and didn't come out with the best results.

" Hey I'm Felicia" I said politely to the girl.

"Okay Felicia, you look nice and sweet but I don't want to have friends" Was the reply she gave.

I couldn't help but be shocked as to how she figured what my intentions were.

Going to visit my mom, I requested to be home schooled and I promised my mom to be obedient to my tutors. I spent my time studying so I could convince my mother that home schooling was a good idea.

I felt lonely sometimes but my thoughts kept me company.

Several months had passed and it was getting to the end of the year; my grades were good and my mom made few changes to the interior of our house.

One certain night, I started hearing voices and mumblings.

As if I was in a large room with about a thousand people all having separate conversations so I couldn't decern what was being said

I then overdosed on all the drugs that was given to me by my doctor.

And i slept off.

The next day, very early in the morning I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

As usual, the house was quiet and my mom was still asleep.

I looked at the mirror in front of me while washing my hands in the sink.

I opened my mouth to see how well I had brushed my teeth but then my teeth started growing and I saw thick hairs

Rapidly sprouting out all over my face.

I screamed and passed out on the bathroom floor .

It felt like I was drowning in a river filled with dead fishes.

I closed my eyes and was completely unconscious.

S A D T E E N series

Love me back to life

Chapter 2.

"Felicia !" my mom called my name with tears rolling down from her eyes.

I gradually opened my eyes, my vision was hazy and my head felt very heavy.

The thick smell of different categories of medicines filled the room.

My mom held my hands, I looked at her but my vision still wasn't clear.

"Mom, where am I? " i asked and then I took a deep breathe and gradually exhaled

"You are in the hospital dear, I heard your scream in your bathroom and then i......" she stopped talking.

She brought out a handkerchief and wiped the tears on her eyes.

Then she continued.

"I ran and I saw you bleeding from ur nose, lying on the floor; I called 911 and now your here"

Two nurses and a doctor came into my ward, they asked me series of questions and I explained to them what I saw.

"Whenever you hear voices, felicia; please try and tell your mother or close friends, overdose of certain drugs can kill especially if you take too much of your depressants into your body, you are lucky nothing bad happened to you".

The doctor said to me.

And then I nodded.

The doctor also explained to me that schizophrenic patients often experience auditory or visual hallucinations and I shouldn't feel bad about it.

I stayed in the hospital for two days and was finally discharged .

Everything changed after I had been discharged, I felt like my thoughts were being controlled by an outer force, I wanted to stay with my mom often.

It felt as if time became very slow and my perception of some things changed.

I had this urge to make friends and finally leave the four walls of my house.

My mom came back from work and she called me to the parlour to sit with her.

I knew something was fishy and I hoped she hadn't been sacked from work.

I prayed silently.

"I think you should go to a real school!" She said with a very beautiful smile on her face.

" you are very lonely, you don't have friends, you are always on your phone.

Your private tutors don't complain about you but you should experience how life is outside your room. I met with the head teacher of Parkville high school and she agreed to let you in because your grades are good"

"Okay mom" I replied her

"On saturday we will visit Sarah, she is pregnant"

I couldn't believe how my mom could be so kind, Sarah took my father away from her.

My mom knew my dad was having an affair with Sarah, his co worker but she didn't say a word to him.

I've always wondered why my mother was so subtle and her temperament towards everything was kind.

"If I got married in the future and my husband leaves me for his co worker i would never talk to his wife, her children and her extended family even if something tragic happens to them."

I muttered to myself.

My mom came towards me, she hugged me and I felt so much comfort in her arms.

It felt like I could feel her strength and pain.

The intimacy between my mom and I was priceless.

Summer break was over and I was to be enrolled into parkville high,

I was so happy that I would meet New people.

That early morning my mom took me to school to see the head teacher Mr albert.

He welcomed us and told us the criterias of being a student of Parkville high.

I was given three pairs of uniforms and 3 pairs of sport wears, I was also shown my class and locker.

It was a private high school and everything was organised.

The next day i left for school, I took deep breathes before I had the courage to enter into the school.

Mr Albert escorted me to my class.

"Good morning students, this is Felicia and she is new here, please treat her nicely" he said with a loud voice.

I walked in quietly, avoiding eye contacts and I sat down. I heard my classmates whispering and then anxiety crept in.

I wasn't the only new student ; I didn't know what he looked like because I didn't even bother to look at his face, I couldn't look at anyone's face

He sat close to me and then the whispering continued.

"Hi Felicia , I'm james"he said to me

For a moment I forgot how to breathe; his voice was the most euphonious masculine calm voice I had ever heard in my entire life on earth.

Several thoughts ran through my mind, I didn't want to speak.

I didn't want to reply so i didnt.

I made him feel embarrassed; I could see it on his face even when I looked at him and he smiled I could tell his smile was fake.

Few hours ago I was so happy and eager to meet new people but at this moment It wasn't exciting to me anymore.

It was time for lunch and everyone had gone to the cafeteria, I walked in the empty hallway and I observed how everything in the school was put in place.

I walked to the cafeteria then I sat alone and slowly ate a red apple while listening music with my earpiece plugged into my phone.

I watched James slowly walking towards my table with his lunch.

"Hey, can I join you in the table please"

"Yes!" I replied.

"Why are you so quiet" he asked

Then I rudely replied him with a question

"Why do u care?"

Then there was a minute silence between us. The whole situation was awkward and I felt like disappearing into thin air.

We got to know each other, we spoke alot on how we gradually lost interest to exist. I told him concerning my schizophrenia and how it damaged my social life.

There was something strange about him but I didn't know what it was. He was so kind to me; it felt like everything wasn't real, like I was in a dream.

After school we would walk around the neighborhood talking about a lot of things. We had most things in common.

We had similar taste in music,we both loved Greek mythology and we understood each other so well.

He was once a drug addict but he promised me he had been clean for 3 years and I believed him.

We spent most of our time together, which was cool cos' he had written a lot of books online and I was privileged to read all of them without going to some random websites online and actually paying to read them.

* * * * *

One certain day, I felt so lonely and strange, I knew something was definitely wrong but my mind was wrapped around the bitter sweet news my mom told me early.

My step mom Sarah gave birth to twin babies.

I sat in my noisy class lost in thought , wondering what was so odd about that particular day until I realised James wasn't in school.

I didn't have any other friend to talk to because nobody tried to become our friend.

The weather changed and I went home on wet clothes when lectures were over.

Three days had passed and James still wasn't in school, it was very depressing.

He wasn't picking his phone calls and also wasn't replying my text messages.

The next week, heading towards the library ; I walked pass our head teacher's office.

His door wasn't shot,I heard a familiar voice so I peeped through the small opening .

I saw a woman dressed in an Orange gown.

She looked familiar, she wore a large round eyeglass and tears rolled down her eyes as she spoke with mr albert.

I thought deeply and finally recognised her .

Mrs Raven, "James mom"!

I tried to listen to their conversations but they spoke in low tones.

My heart skipped, I ran to the restroom and cried too .

Love me back to life

Chapter 3.

"I like labrinth too but he isn't my favorite artist " I said to James.

I visited him in the hospital. I had visited him several times since I heard the news of his eye cancer and it became a usual thing for me to visit him after classes everyday

He was admitted and his left eye was removed.

" I think I should get an eye patch" we both laughed at his bitter sweet joke.

I dropped my get-well-soon card and I left to my house.

I layed on my bed, deep in thoughts. I felt this deep overwhelming feeling in my heart.

I realised I was in love with this one-eyed boy. I couldn't believe it and I had doubts in me.

Was it love?

Was it infatuation?

Thoughts of James constantly overwhelmed me.

I spent most of my evening hours with him; I tried to suppress the feelings I had for him

Come to think of it, its so hard to pretend not to love someone you love.

It was almost similar to a sci-fi book I read some months ago about a celestial being named PLUTO .

In this book, Pluto fell in love with a human which was against the rules of her cyclopian clan.

And In order to please her people she tried to hide her feelings from the Cyclops and humans till her death.

I cherish the friendship we had and I didn't want to loose it.

The next day he called and told me they discharged him from the hospital and he was eighty percent okay.

I sat alone in the library in my usual and favourite spot where I could easily get hold of the science books I loved and read.

I felt someone wrap his hands around my eyes so I couldn't see.

" hey nerd whatcha reading?" The voice was familiar

"James can u remove your hands from eyes" I replied

I was so happy to see him.

"Wait I thought....."

Then he cut it quickly " my eyes were removed?"

"Yes"

"The left eye is fake" James whispered into my ears

And then the feeling of sadness crept in.

I faked a smile and I knew deep down he noticed the expression on my face.

"What is your biggest fear?"

"I don't know girl....my biggest fear is choking on a sandwich" he replied sarcastically

And then I said to him

"James! Dude! Stop it! I'm serious "

He asked me if we could go see the movies and I agreed to go.

I thought of it as a mini date, i had already started fantasizing on a future I wasnt even sure of.

Probably we would get married and have four children and we would win noble prizes together like Marie curie and her husband.

We would travel to Japan to spend our honey moon or actually travel to the moon for our honey moon.

We would visit nasa headquarters, take pictures and mount it on our walls.

We would name our kids after the four Galileo moon's of JUPITER.

We would.....

"Fel, did you enjoy the movie" he asked me

I was so deep in thoughts that I forgot I was holding a pop corn , sitting next to the boy I love in a cinema.

I replied a yes even though I didn't see half of the whole movie we prepared for.

We left to a recreation pack afterwards and he bought me cotton candies.

I wondered why he acted so nice, he was probably doing it because I always came around when he was at the hospital ,I thought...

It was 5pm in the evening and we sat alone in a roller coaster.

He was scared of heights and it made my whole experience with him very funny.

We laughed and laughed and laughed

And then my eyes cut his eyes, he looked at me and then looked at my lips

He pushed his face forward and den I removed the popcorn on his face and then we both laughed.

It must have been very embarrassing for him.

I quickly realised that he had some feelings for me even though he hadn't said anything yet.

"Can I walk you home" he asked

We walked together in the noisy streets filled with people.

He tried touching my hands but I quickly removed it and I shifted to the other end.

I got home and I saw my mom with a man, I greeted both of them and left for my room immediately.

I picked up a pen and opened my gigantic diary and wrote my thoughts down.

I took my bath and I went down for dinner. The man wasn't there any longer

"Mom I met a boy at school and I think we both have feelings for each other"

"Oh my darling your growing up" she looked very excited and It made me blush a little

"How was work" I asked her and we talked and talked til I felt sleepy and I went to my room to sleep.

The next day I sat and flipped the pages of my anatomy book in my class when James walked in and passed a paper to me .I opened it to read

"I like you Felicia, if your cool about it tell me but if your not tell me I'll understand"

I smiled I couldn't look at him .

********

The term was over and we were given a long break I was invited to spend a night with him.

I asked for permission from my mom and I was allowed to go.

I packed some of my personal belongings and I left to his house.

His mom was so happy to see me ,she was a single parent just like mine which made it much easier for me to communicate.

We were awake till 2am in the morning in his room talking about alot of things.

I layed on his chest while be played with my short hair.