Chapter 5

Snow fell throughout the night.

The next morning, my dad was called out by the community to clear the snow.

My mom, with her hair in a mess, got up shortly after and walked over to the sofa, pinching me hard.

"Staying up late playing on your phone, getting up constantly-you're doing this on purpose, aren't you? I couldn't sleep at all!"

After I went to college, my mom threw away all my things and gave my room to Rhys, as is common in some families when a child goes to college.

When I came back, I could only curl up on the sofa.

The pinch hurt, but it was nothing compared to the throbbing headache.

I wished she'd stop nagging, so I weakly told her, "It was Rhys who was up late playing on the phone, getting up constantly... "

My mom paused, then lowered her voice as she spoke to my dad, who was putting on his shoes at the door.

"Keep it down. Laurie went to bed late last night. Don't wake her up!"

My dad nodded, gently turned, and closed the door behind him.

My mom looked down at me, her tone annoyed, "Stop playing dead. Get up and make breakfast!"

She tiptoed to the kitchen, and I forced myself to get up, washed my face, and followed her in.

The fluorescent light revealed my swollen face. My mom glanced at me.

Suddenly, she screamed and backed away.

"What happened to your face? Why is it covered in red spots?"

Rhys was eventually woken by my mom's shouting.

She stumbled out, half-asleep, almost bumping into me.

My mom shrieked, pulling her away, "Laurie, stay away from her. What's on her face? And her hands, too!"

I cleared my throat, "Mom, it's an allergic reaction."

I looked at their horrified faces and wondered if I leaned in closer, would I make them sick?

Rhys's eyes filled with tears as she hid behind my mom, "Auntie... it looks like... a disease, maybe AIDS... "

My mom screamed.

I laughed.

"Rhys, speaking from experience? Have you had it?"

My mom, angered by my laughter, grabbed pots and pans and hurled them at me.

"Do you think everyone is as shameless as you? Get out, now! You bring back a filthy disease, trying to harm us, is that it?"

She dragged Rhys out, quickly putting on a mask and gloves, grabbing my suitcase and coat, and shoved me into the elevator.

"No wonder you were vomiting last night. Are you pregnant with some unwanted child?"

I couldn't stand straight as my mom kept pushing me with her foot, hurling insults.

"How can you be so wicked? If you're sick, just die outside. What do you mean by coming back to infect us? Do you hate me that much?"

"No... Mom, I don't. Please don't kick me out, at least let me spend the New Year at home... " I pleaded humbly.

"New Year? Go spend it dying outside!"

The elevator doors opened, and my mom shoved me out.

I fell into the snow, wearing only thin thermal underwear, barefoot, my hair disheveled.

My suitcase and coat were thrown after me.

The people clearing snow gathered around.

Shivering, I pulled the coat around me.

Mom, I truly wish to collapse right here in your neighborhood.

Collapse beneath your building, in front of your eyes.

Collapse amidst your indifference and the humiliation you've given me.

The onlookers started to gossip, yet no one reached out a hand to help, including my own dad.

He just walked over to my mom and asked what happened.

My mom, incredibly, fell to her knees before me, tears streaming down her face.

"Kiera, I'm begging you, let our family go. If this keeps up, none of us will be able to survive!"

She didn't mention the "filthy disease" to save my face.

It was only to preserve her own.

Everyone went to console my mom. No one knew what was happening, yet they all aimed their accusations at me, calling me ungrateful, rebellious.

Because, after all, parents can never be wrong.

The child must be at fault.

So many eyes, so many mouths, spitting sharp words, slicing into my heart.

The pain, it scared me.

I once thought the pain from my brain cancer was the worst pain imaginable.

Now I knew it couldn't compare to this heartache.

I staggered to my feet, barefoot, picked up my luggage, and turned towards the gate.

Behind me, my mom started airing my past misdeeds to others again, even blaming me for my uncle's family's tragic accident.

She wanted to show everyone that a daughter like me was a disappointment, better off dead.

I stumbled, turning back.

"Mom, don't blame my uncle's death on me. They didn't die because of me. They got what was coming to them."

My mom screamed, getting up as if to attack me, but seeing my face, she hesitated.

I looked up at the sky; it was so clear.

I wondered, once I was dead, could I reach such a pure place?

Lowering my head, I forced a smile.

"Mom, do you know what they took me to do on the day of the accident?"