"You play?" I asked in response to him saying "let's play".
"Would I be saying let's play if I didn't know how to?"
I rolled my eyes. "What's with all the sassy men these days..."
He chuckled and licked his lips in a very... elaborate way? A way that reminded me of hungry predators in the wild that I saw on nature documentaries. This, oddly enough, was not off-putting to me... just an interesting observation.
I was the one with the white pieces so I was to play first. I made my first move with my Knight, jumping over the pieces in front of it- what I considered to be a very proactive start. He played, something simple... a pawn in the middle. I brought out my other night and he sighed.
"Why did I assume you would be good at this?"
I was baffled. "What?"
"Chess. You looked like some kind of savant and this is your opener?"
"What are you on about? What's wrong with my opening?"
"It's just..." He looked up at me and shook his head. "Don't fret about it." He said and lifted his hand to make a move but I slapped it away.
"No, I fret." I said, mockingly with regards to his choice of words. "Speak."
"Opening with the Two Knights Defense is just... primitive, you know?
"Primitive? Wait, that's what this is called?"
"The Two Knights Defense? You didn't know the opening you were using?"
"It's just a game, why would these moves have names?"
"Oh. I severely overestimated your abilities, I'm afraid."
"Now you're just insulting me." I said and knocked some pieces over irritably and made to stand but he grabbed my hand in an iron grip that frighteningly appeared effortless.
I stopped to stare at his face, expecting an apology or explanation, but instead, he said:
"It was not my intention to."
"Well that makes it all the more better doesn't it?"
"Please, sit." He said softly but firmly. "I will be more gracious with my words... and we have something very serious to discuss."
He was baiting me just to avoid saying 'I'm sorry'? And I was taking the bait?
"And what might that be?" I stuck my nose in the air and feigned disinterest.
"Sit." He commanded.
Every fiber of my being wanted to 'defy' his order and walk off because who did he really think he was to be telling me what to do? But I found myself obeying, sitting quietly, while trying to make sure my face said I was only curious, not intimidated or impressed or anything. He better not get the wrong idea. He sat down and slowly began to rearrange the pieces that I had scattered angrily.
"So?" I did not want to wait. "What important things do we have to discuss?"
"Well..." He seemed so preoccupied with such a mundane task as putting wooden carvings in their respective square boxes on their flat board. "You can start by telling me why you want to kill yourself."
"Oh my God, that again?"
He nodded while still looking at the board. "I mean I know it's not because of that guy from the bowling alley. Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend?"
I suspected he was one of those people that needed everything to be perfectly, circumspectly arranged, otherwise it would bother them, because at this point, all he was doing was shifting some pieces to be exactly in the center of their squares.
"First of all, it's rude to eavesdrop. Secondly, what's it to you? Why do you care?"
"Why do I care... like about why you were thinking of killing yourself or why do I care who he is to you?"
"Both."
Finally, he looked up, and I could tell he was about to say something really important.
"Because I want to marry you."
I threw my head back and laughed. It was the most genuine laugh I'd had in what felt like forever.
"What? Is this some new way of hitting on girls?"
"I'm too old for that." He said.
"Dude, you're like twenty five. Twenty seven tops."
"Twenty eight. And you?"
"Isn't it rude to ask a woman her age?"
"No, I don't think it is."
"Ugh. I'm twenty five."
"That's what I thought."
"You just looked at me and guessed my age?" I said with an eyebrow arched.
"Pretty much." He said, shrugging, which ironically was the most normal I had seen him do. Everything about him was strange- the way he behaved, the way he spoke, his choice of words and where to lay emphasis on within his sentences, even his actual physical features seemed... out of the ordinary.
"And you are going to marry me."
"Precisely. And I am in fact here to propose marriage to you."
"What the hell? You HAVE been stalking me!"
"No, iI simply knew you'll be here."
"How?"
"The same way you expected to see me. Intuition."
"No that's..." I sighed and shrugged."Whatever. I'm not going to marry you, or anyone at all really, not like it matters if you know that."
"Wait, here me out."
I chuckled and folded my hands. "Go ahead." I said, genuinely curious to hear whatever he thought he could say that would convince me to marry him after two borderline creepy meetings.
"I have an obscene amount of riches. I need a wife for the next two years."
Why did him saying "I need a wife" sound similar to someone trying to make a purchase or place an order?
"I... I don't understand."