Chapter 5 SUNSHINE

GRAYSON

I have two rules that I follow strictly. The first one is never to get myself in a situation I cannot control. And the second one is to never think with my heart. I have thrown these two rules out of the window since Lillian resurfaced in my life. I did not miss her silent cries under her veil at the altar. Her wedding day is supposed to be special, but I made her cry instead. I should be happy about this, but I am not. Instead, I left her at the altar alone and left with Rachael.

I cannot get the image of how pretty they both look at the altar, and for a moment, everything feels alright. I have never had any reason to lie to my daughter, but I know she is fond of Lilian, so I had to lie to protect her feelings. When she asked if she could call Lillian her mother, I saw the joy in both their eyes, but I am not going to share Lillian with my daughter.

After reading Racheal her bedtime stories, I gently lay her on the bed and close the door. On my way to my room, I quietly peek into Lillian's room, but I don't see any trace of her. I open the door fully and call her, but there is no response. I start panicking, and it feels like years ago when she left me.

I rush to my room to check the CCTV footage, but I am stunned to find her wedding dress on my floor, and the shower is running. I know I should not look at her when she is bathing, but she is mine now; besides, it's nothing I have not seen before. I gently open the door, and the sight before me makes me see red. Lillian is in the bathtub, with the water running, but she is sleeping and the water is almost drowning her. How can she be so careless? Is this some sort of suicide mission?

I clench my jaw together, trying to keep my composure. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" I say, making her open her eyes. She looks at me, surprised, trying to cover herself, but I am beyond angry. How can she endanger her life like this?

"I give you one minute to get the hell out of the bathtub," I say, keeping my eyes on her face.

I leave the room and go to the terrace. If I spend one more second with her, I will lose my shit. Every bone in my body is itching to carry her out of the tub and punish her for being so reckless. I open the alcohol and take a gulp. I can barely focus on my work. I keep drinking alcohol and staring into the sky. I let my mind wander to the last time I saw Lillian.

The air smelled like sex mixed with vanilla as she lay peacefully on my chest. "I will marry you one day, Lillian. You will be my wife and the mother of my kids. We will have two boys and three girls." I say, kissing her forehead. I know she is awake, which is why I keep showering her kisses.

"I am not ready to share you with anyone." She said, looking up and smiling.

"You are not going to share me with anyone, Sunshine," I say, kissing her lips.

"What if you leave again and we don't see each other?"

"I am not going to leave you again, my sunshine. We found each other again, and no matter what happens, I will always find you. Grayson only belongs to Lillian."

"Promise?"

"I promise you sunshine. One day, I will make you my wife and show the whole world that I am the luckiest man alive."

"You mean it?"

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life," I say, kissing the tears in her eyes.

My thoughts are interrupted by a loud noise from the kitchen. I stand up carefully because I am slightly tipsy. I see a shadow in the kitchen, trying to take something from the fridge. I walk closer and realize it is Lillian.

Why is she everywhere?

In my head. In my room. In my thoughts. And now she is in my fucking kitchen at 1 am, in nothing but a silky, wine nightie that barely brushes the top of her thigh. The silk clung to her curves like it had been designed for my downfall. My jaw tightens as old memories claw at my resolve.

Damn her.

I stay quietly watching her drink water. She turns to leave, but she collides with my chest.

"You scared me." She says, with her hand on my chest. "What are you doing here?"

"The last time I checked, this is my house," I say, tightening my hold on her hips.

"I...I...I.."

"You what, Sunshine?" I say, not missing, how her eyes widen when I call her Sunshine. She used to be my sunshine back then, but now, we are just two reckless lovers blinded by revenge.

"You are drunk, Grayson. Go to bed." She tries to free herself, but I press her body into mine.

"I know."

"You do not know what you are doing, Grayson. Go upstairs." She protests further.

"You are wearing the same nightwear I bought for you eight years ago," I say, burying my face in the crook of her neck and nibbling on her shoulder. I kiss her neck softly, pressing her against my chest. I miss her vanilla scent. I miss the way her body feels against mine. I miss her soft moans. I miss everything.

"We cannot do this, Grayson." She says, attempting to push me away again.

I remove my head from her neck and look into her eyes. She tries to say something, but I shut her up with a kiss. When my lips meet her soft ones, it feels like heaven again. I suck her bottom lip gently, trying not to draw blood. It starts as a soft kiss, but later turns into a demanding and possessive one. She kisses me back, and I push my tongue in her mouth, savoring every inch.

She stops abruptly, pushing me back forcefully.

"We cannot do this, Grayson."

"Why? You allowed those men to touch you years back, but you would not even kiss your husband?" I say disgusted, I may be a little bit tipsy, but I will never forget how she slept with those men because of money.

"What are you talking about?"

Oh wow, now she wants to play dumb. "You know what, you are right. This will never happen again." I say, storming out of the kitchen.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into??