There was a rumor floating around the office that Calvin liked me, a lot. Even Allison had, more than once, hinted at the possibility with that knowing smirk of hers.
To be fair, Calvin is sweet. Smart, thoughtful, and always somehow in tune with me. He has this calming energy that makes me feel safe, something I've rarely felt around men. I trust him. That's not a sentence I throw around lightly.
He has a free spirit and this uncanny ability to notice the things bothering me before I even admit them to myself. A total catch... if only he were a few inches taller.
He returned with two cups, one creamed, one black, and handed me the creamed one before settling into the chair beside me.
"How are you?" he asked, taking a slow sip from his cup.
"I'm fine."
His eyes searched my face like he was trying to solve a puzzle.
"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
He smiled slightly. "Nothing. Just thought maybe you had a storm of thoughts running through that pretty head of yours."
I exhaled softly. "I'm fine. It's just... I haven't heard from Derek in a while."
"Ah." He nodded, his tone gentle. "I'm sure he'll reach out, he's probably just caught up in work."
"Yeah. I guess." My reply was laced with a cool indifference I didn't mean to show.
"So..." He glanced over at the corner of my desk. "What's for lunch?"
I gave him a playful look. "You need to get a girlfriend who'll cook for you. Since you prefer homemade meals, I'm tired of feeding a grown-ass man."
He chuckled. "What do I need a girlfriend for when I've got you taking care of me already, huh?"
He walked over and opened my lunch box.
"Whoa! Twist pasta?"
I laughed. His delight was contagious. It was hard to stay moody around him, even when I tried.
He dished the pasta and returned to his seat, barely hiding his excitement. He took a bite and his eyes lit up.
"Have you ever considered opening a restaurant?"
I chuckled, my cheeks flushing. "Nope, but thanks for mentioning."
It was funny. I'd received plenty of compliments on my cooking before, but somehow, his words, simple as they were, always hit differently.
Sometimes, secretly, I wished Derek could be more like Calvin, more attentive, more present. I wished he saw me, really saw me, and not just looked at me.
"So, how's the preparation for the big day going?" he asked, giving me a quick once-over. "You look like you've lost a few kilos. I've heard that wedding anxiety is real, especially when the day starts drawing close. Looks like someone caught a case of it."
"Did I?" I replied, playing innocent.
He leaned back, cradling his cup of coffee. "Personally, I don't really buy into the whole marriage-anxiety thing. I mean, if you're walking down the aisle with someone you love, and they love you just as much, what's there to be anxious about?" he said, his tone sincere. "If anything, I'd call it being scared-scared of stepping into a new phase of life. But if it's with the right person, it should feel exciting, not heavy."
His words lingered in the air longer than they should have.
It was like he could read me, like he knew that the weight loss had less to do with fittings or nerves and more to do with this growing ache inside of me. A quiet truth I was too afraid to say out loud: that something about Derek just... didn't sit right anymore.
And maybe, just maybe, I was refusing to admit that to myself.
I let out a small sigh, careful to keep it soft enough that he wouldn't notice.
"I'm scheduled for what will hopefully be my final bridal fitting this weekend," I said, casually sipping my coffee. "I was thinking you could come with me and Allison."
"Allison?" he repeated, eyebrows raised.
"Yes, Allison," I emphasized with a small grin.
He leaned back slightly. "My weekend's pretty packed, honestly. I've got a lot on my desk, and deadlines breathing down my neck. Sorry."
"It's okay," I said, though I wasn't fully convinced. "But what's with you and Allison, really? I mean, it's obviously not just about work."
He hesitated for a second too long. "Nothing, really, nothing," he insisted.
I gave him that look, the one that waited out half-truths.
Finally, he sighed. "Okay, for the hundredth time... I just think she doesn't like me. And I don't see us vibing, you know?"
I chuckled. "And for the hundredth time, Allison is a lovable person. Sure, she can be a handful, annoying even, but once you get to know her, you'd like her."
He nodded silently, though something about his expression said we'll see.
Just then, my phone rang. I stretched to reach it, a flicker of hope rising in my chest, maybe it was Derek. But as soon as the screen lit up, my heart sank.
"Allison," I announced flatly. "Speak of the devil."
I answered. "Hey."
"Girl, I know it's your break time, so I'm definitely not interrupting anything important," she chirped.
"What do you want?" I asked, already bracing myself.
"I know your chopper-boy is right there," she said, her voice dancing with mischief. "Probably sitting like some hungry mama's boy, gawking at you like a naive high school lover-boy."
I exhaled sharply through my nose, silently grateful I hadn't put her on speaker. I wasn't that reckless, never giving Allison that kind of opportunity.
"What. Do. You. Want?" I repeated, trying not to laugh.
"I just called to remind you about tonight," she said sweetly. "Let's party, babe."
I hesitated.
"Okay," I finally agreed. Truth was, a night out sounded a lot better than spending the evening alone in a house that felt more like a ghost town than a home.
"Yay!! She sounded exhilarated.
Sure, he's here, I'll let him know," I said quickly, cutting into Allison's excitement before she could say anything too outrageous.
"Wait, are you talking to me?" she asked, sounding confused.
"Yes," I replied smoothly, pretending she'd asked about Calvin and was just sending her regards.
Just then, the office phone rang, slicing through the moment.
"I need to take this," I said, ending the call.
I picked up the receiver.
"Come to HR," the voice on the other end said curtly before hanging up.