Chapter 5 Remind Me of Her

AARON SHROVA

My alliance with the Scarletmoon pack was to join our armies. Rogues across borders united to attack weaker packs. Moreover, the pack had useful resources like gold in abundance, and we had fertile land for farming.

I got back to Moonray the next day. I didn't see much of Deva since we spoke after dinner. It seemed like she intentionally chose to avoid me, only saying goodbye when it was time for my departure.

Had I bruised her pride when I said I wasn't going to give her any form of romantic affection?

I did not want to lie to her or deceive her. It was better if she knew what she was getting into beforehand.

This room, my chambers, is the only place left where I control the silence. Dark oak panels swallow the light. The curtains stay drawn, even in the day. The fire burns low, steady. Always steady.

No one comes in here except for my Luna, who is also my confidant and my beta.

The scent of fresh leather and steel lingers. My bed is untouched, made to perfection, as if I never sleep because I barely do. There is too much on my plate, and the burden of the pack rests heavily on my shoulders. The sword on the mantle isn't for display. It's for memory. Memories that I wish to forget. And a warning.

Everything here breathes discipline. Order. If there's chaos in me, it doesn't touch these walls.

Not unless I let it.

And I never do, which is why this is the only place I stay in to clear my head, and it is for the best.

There is a short knock on my door. "May I come in?"

I'd recognize that voice from a mile away.

Sophie, my Luna.

"Yes, you may," I replied, pouring myself a glass of Brandy.

The door opened, and I was welcomed with warm brown eyes. Sophie had always been pleasant like that since I first met her.

"Alpha Aaron," she grinned.

"Luna Sophie," I raised a glass. "Brandy?"

"I'll pass," she waved her hand.

She was dressed in a sheer layered silk dress in soft twilight blue, flowing freely with long, hanging sleeves that trail like whispers. A jeweled belt wrapped low around the waist. Her brown hair was pinned high, decorated with silver pins shaped like crescent moons and lotus flowers.

Sophie was a woman who spoke very little yet had the ability to capture everyone's attention.

"I am here because you came back from the Scarletmoon pack and didn't even bother to inform me. Here I was eagerly waiting to hear about my new sister."

"You don't even know if Deva would be as kind to you as you are already kind to her," I sipped my Brandy.

"Deva Loren," Sophie dragged her name. "Is she beautiful?" She asked me.

"I won't deny that even a blind man can see that she is a beauty, but that is not what I went there for, Sophie," I told her. "This marriage is only for the political alliance."

"I know why you were at Scarletmoon, Aaron, after all, I told you to see the issue through myself. What I'm really trying to say is that I know it is clear between us that we can never be lovers or share something intimate. But you need someone, a partner to love you, Aaron. Are you still hung up on her?"

I looked away, unwilling to discuss the subject matter. The story of my first love.

"Aaron, she's dead, she's not coming ba-"

"Enough, Sophie," I shut her off for the best.

"Forgive me, I just want the best for you," she sighed, her fingers massaging her temple. "You're a good man. Who's to say Deva Loren would not fall in love with you?"

"She doesn't love me or want me. You know I heard a few rumors that she was in love with a commoner and that her father broke their relationship so that she could be with me. I am not sure if that is true, but ruling out the possibility would be foolish after seeing her reaction to me and the marriage. Immediately I thought of you, the issue of affection she wasted no second in making sure that she agreed with me, and I believe her. If we could stay perfectly good friends for four years, Sophie. I do not doubt Deva's. After all, the only man she wanted is gone," I took more brandy, creasing my forehead. "In fact, the one thing we'll ever bond on is the loss of the ones we ever truly loved, and like you wished. You won't be lonely, you'll have her, a sister, and a friend."

"As long as you believe she won't try to cajole you into loving her, I think she's good as well," Sophie pursed her lips, replying. "I'll be sure to teach her everything she needs to know the moment she arrives."

"You always talk about me. You should find someone too, Sophie. I told you that we can get a divorce, and I'll take all the blame. You cannot always seek for me to find happiness while forgetting that you yourself will be someone of your own," I said to her, and she looked down, laughing nervously before looking up.

"I'll find my person after you find yours. For now, it will be about you. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Sophie," I agreed, not wanting to prolong our conversation. "Thank you for checking in on me. It is quite late. I believe you should retire to bed for the day. Is that fine?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "Yes, why would you even ask. I am fine with it. Do not worry. I know you're not pushing me away; you just need time alone. I understand you. Goodnight, Alpha Aaron."

"Goodnight, Sophie. Sweet dreams."

"Indeed, you as well," she said, shutting the door behind her.

My eyes closed from fatigue, and my mind wandered to when I first laid my eyes on Deva. The feeling was strange. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that we had met somewhere before, even though I was perfectly sure that we had. I was going to ask her, but I knew I was going to sound confused or deranged.

***

"What are your hobbies?"

"Singing," she said, her pupils dilating as though she had spoken too soon.

***

Why do you remind me of her, Deva? You walk like her, talk the way she did. You stare at me the way she did. You have dark hair, green eyes, the height is the same. The coincidence is unnerving.

Of the woman I'm trying so hard to forget. The one I wished and begged to stop showing up in my dreams to haunt and torture me for my sins. For the wrongs I had no intention of committing to her. Her sweet voice still rings in my ears, and the faint scent of her skin and hair.

Should I thank you for trying to revive the face and memories of someone who was dear to me, or should I blame you for bringing back the things that secretly eat me alive?

Lana Alvarez won't leave me alone, and if Deva Loren was going to remind me of her, I knew I would have to keep my distance before I lost myself completely.