Chapter 1

This Valentine's Day, I finally did it. After weeks of begging, I convinced Ethan Hayes to take me to that trendy new restaurant, the one with a six-month waitlist that everyone was dying to get into. It was our tenth anniversary, a big deal, and I thought maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

We had just sat down, the fancy menus still in our hands, when his phone rang. It was Ashley Cooper. I couldn't hear her side, but I heard Ethan' s clear as day.

"Don't be silly, you're more understanding than her. I'll be right back."

He said it so casually, like he was telling me the time. He dropped his phone on the table, stood up, and walked out. Just like that.

I stayed there. I sat alone at our table for two until the staff started cleaning up around me, until the manager gently told me they were closing. He never came back.

That was it. That had to be the end. There was no point in waiting for someone who wasn't coming back. Ethan, I was done. I was so completely, utterly fed up. In the silence of my own mind, I begged him to just leave my life for good.

The restaurant lived up to its reputation. The atmosphere was perfect, and the food, even eaten alone and growing cold, was incredible. It was almost worth the sleepless nights I' d spent refreshing the reservation page. But now, every bite tasted like nothing. It was Valentine's Day, and the room was filled with couples, their faces glowing with happiness. They were all ages, all types, but they all had each other. I sat there by myself, feeling like I was from another planet. I buried my head in my phone, trying to look busy, trying to hide the burning shame I felt.

I scrolled mindlessly through my social media feed and her post popped up almost immediately. Ashley Cooper.

"Never learned to grow up, but thankfully, there's always someone to tolerate my whims."

The post had two pictures of her and Ethan. One was from their college graduation, him looking at her with that smile he never gave me. The other was new, clearly taken today. They looked perfect together, the "golden couple of the design department," just like everyone used to call them back in school.

"Good for them," I thought, a bitter feeling rising in my throat.

Ethan, I really thought I could wait for you. I thought my patience would mean something. I was wrong. I was so incredibly, stupidly wrong.

I shut off my phone and forced down the last piece of cold steak. My rideshare app pinged. "100 people ahead of you, estimated wait 30 minutes." Of course. Getting a ride downtown on Valentine's Day was impossible. At least the app was honest. It told you exactly how long you'd have to wait. Ethan was never that honest. He' d tell you to wait, give you just enough hope to keep you hanging on, but he' d never tell you for how long.

Like tonight. I waited until 11 PM, until the restaurant was empty, and he still wasn't back. He was thoughtful enough to send a text, though.

"Ashley isn't feeling well. I need to get her home safely."

"Be good, go to bed early tonight."

And another one, just as I was about to give up.

"Take a cab home. Text me when you get there."

He knew it was dangerous for a woman to be out alone this late. But he could drive Ashley home, not me. Why? Because I was "more understanding" than her. He was always saying that. He loved how "understanding" and "obedient" I was. And he always followed it with, "Unlike Ashley, who's been pampered since childhood."

But Ethan was wrong. Nobody is born "understanding." You learn it. And even the most understanding person gets tired of it eventually. He had no idea how much I hated hearing him say those words. "You're more obedient than Ashley, you're more understanding than Ashley, you're better than her." I never wanted to be compared to her. Comparing us meant he was always choosing, always weighing his options. And even though he always said I was "better," he never, ever chose me.

A cab finally pulled up. As I watched the city lights blur past the window, a strange realization hit me. I was numb. The thought of him with Ashley didn't even hurt anymore. Our biggest fights, his and mine, had always been about her. But it had been quiet for months. Somewhere along the line, I had just stopped caring about what she did or who she was with. Tonight, I had calmly accepted him leaving. I didn't even feel a thing when I saw her post.

Is this what letting go feels like?

I picked up my phone and opened my message thread with him. My fingers moved before I could think.

"I don't want to be understanding anymore."

"Ethan, we're over."

He hadn't replied by the time I got out of the cab. I let out a short, humorless laugh. Of course not. Ashley was with him. He didn't have the time or the energy for me.