Chapter 4 ☆

The weeks went by pretty fast actually I couldn't even wrap my head around time went so fast. My parents have been constantly checking in on me, trying to make me see the positiveness of this wedding.

The engagement party was next week and I didn't want to elope as much I wanted to. This wasn't some kind of drama on TV where I could get my own way.

I wasn't able to tend to my clients with a disturbed mind as the day came closer as I felt more messed up. My mother was handling everything from the party to the invitation list. I honestly couldn't ever bother myself with it . For the hundredth time today I groaned, this seemed like a dream but reality kept on slapping hard on my face.

I hadn't talked to my soon to be fiancée since the family dinner as ironic as it sounded. But what was I supposed to say ! Did you have dinner ? How was you're day ?

This was eating me alive. I tried sleeping, reading and watching some TV but mind wandered off to some hot Italian man somewhere and how our lips brushed. I couldn't shake it off at all .

I needed some fresh air or an new environment ? What did I truly need ?

It was stupid to feel sad , so what if I did this was inevitable. The urge to cry enveloped me. I sank into my bed, I could feel my chest tightening and my throat closing up.

The bing from my phone drew me away from my wallowing. I received a text from someone I wasn't expecting at all ... ROMAN

Roman : The weather is beautiful today.

What ! I stared at the words on my screen waiting for them to disappear like I was imaging things but they didn't. And he talked about the weather ! I couldn't help but let out a small smile . He must've thought that was a sleek one knowing his pick up lines and how he approached me back in University.

The universe sure did have a sick sense of humour. I shouldn't reply him , I shouldn't feel as excited as I am. But it felt nice, I didn't have friends I was too busy building a career that I didn't realise that my circle was only consisting of Roman and my sister.

But when I realised that , I was pretty comfortable with it. I should've blocked him a long time ago but I couldn't bring myself to do it . Pathetic right!

Me : Not here in New York .

We were miles away from each not even in the same city and he thought the weather was the same. A small laugh escaped my lips , I didn't know much I needed that small laugh until I did it. He was in Phoenix for crying out loud.

Roman: Right ! I actually thought I'd talk to you before I came back but my work needed me.

My smile faded as quickly as it appeared. I remembered how we used to talk about our future and how he'll build himself an empire. The pang in my chest deepened as the memories surfaced, us talking all night and me helping him draft out his company of God knows when he'll build it . One would say it was a stupid thing but in our defense he did achieve what we always talked about. And I couldn't even be more happier for me .

He continued to ask about work and I asked about his little sister. Once upon a time I thought we'd get married, have kids. My parents were also very happy for us but not until that night. I drifted my thoughts off I never liked thinking about it.

Roman. My first love. My best friend. My very first love . My first everything.

The longing in my heart grew as wider as the Pacific would be. After our breakup he moved away to Phoenix to build his dream empire estate there. He had one of the top ranked real estate companies in the United States. Of course his wealth didn't match up to Laurel's. But he did it all by himself not like Laurel who had inherited his generational wealth. One text message made me my mind thoughts stop.

Roman: I'm thinking of moving back to New York . Maybe we can rekindle what we once had .

Silence ... a deep stretched silence I couldn't even decipher. I pondered on whether I wanted to tell him I was getting engaged or not. The three dots on my message kept on popping and disappearing. My phone was stuck on my clammy hands waiting to see what he wanted to say next.

Roman : If you want ofcourse.

It didn't even feel right. I know I didn't love the man I marrying. The only thing I npknew about him were what I saw on Google for crying out loud. But he didn't make my heart beat like Laurel did, I didn't want to feel like touch me like I wanted Laurel to .

WHAT ! WHAT !

Did I just say that . No I held my face in mortification, he didn't even look at me twice for fucks sake ! And that small pepper of kiss that our lips momentarily brush made me a mad woman .

Me : I'm getting married

My hand fondled over the send button but I eventually sent the message. I bit the inside of cheek . I wanted to tell him that I was forced into this marriage but I didn't really own him an explanation did I?

Twenty minutes passed. Thirty. Forty. A whole hour . But I received no response. I waited for my tears to cry but nothing absolutely nothing ! Was I becoming emotionally numb ?