Chapter 4 The Detest

Claire's POV

I could not feel my heart as I gazed into Xavier's cold eyes. It was as if my soul had left my body already and what is left of me is nothing but light bones and flesh.

Xavier's disdain towards me was incomprehensibly imaginary. I was in a deep contrast of doubts and waverly trust to the warmth I had once glimpsed from who I thought was "Mine". Yet, my love and compassion for Xavier only wax stronger and stronger, like a dear who pants for the waters, refusing to be moved or staggered by his rejection and absolutely no show of affection towards her.

I was very determined to make our love and marriage work. I was ready to put out from within all it takes to be visible around Xavier. Convinced in my inner being that I could bring back the spark of affection and vulnerability that once existed between us, even though it was just for a moment, we both had that affectionate experience with one another.

As I walked through the narrow corridors of the Alpha building, I could not contain my thoughts. My thoughts spin with more possibilities than the impossibilities of not being loved back by Xavier.

Perhaps, I thought, Xavier's actions towards me were just a put-up act, a shield or perhaps a wall to protect himself from the pain and unreadiness of our arranged marriage. Maybe, yes! Maybe I could find a solution or somehow build a bridge that could reach the heart of the man I had glimpsed, his warmth and tenderness once.

But every effort and action I had put into playing in order to get to Xavier was fruitless. All the strategies put in place by me were single-handedly pulled down by Thalia's ever-present presence.

Thaila somehow seemed to consistently burst out of nowhere, always inserting herself between Xavier and me. It was as if Thaila was gaseous and happened to exist in an atmosphere where one can't breathe without her. Somehow, Thaila seems to always be ahead of my actions in saving my love and marriage with Xavier.

I was getting frustrated and worn out, my insecurities grew daily, my jealousy was almost at its peak. The presence of Thaila around Xavier was detrimental to me. And the more I think about it, it escalates my pain. It is like adding salt to an unhealed wound.

'Why does Thaila always have to be around?' I murmured to myself. My self-control was gradually leaving, and my patience was becoming more impatient.

As I watched Thalia chit-chat, laugh, and giggle effortlessly around Xavier, I couldn't just comprehend but question what my eyes saw. Is there more to their relationship than what I am seeing? Or was Xavier ever married to Thaila? Could it be that Xavier was hiding something?

Did he truly detest and hate me, or was there a secret agenda in place?

All these questions rapidly revolved in my mind, awakening so much uncertainty and doubt. I was prisoned in the thought of inquisitivity, with no escape route behind or in front of me.

"The seduction."

My efforts and strategies put in place to communicate and get closer to Xavier were answered with silence and just luckywarmness.

Xavier's cold response towards me was a barricade I couldn't go across.

Dying to connect and bond with Xavier, I couldn't help it but turned to my handmaids Selina and Anna for advice.

They suggested a weird idea that one needs boldness to make such a move.

To seduce.

I never saw this suggestion coming. I wondered in her heart.

"How will somebody that detests my sight fall for what I'm about to do?"

I queried.

But there was no response from either of them.

Nevertheless, I was ready to give it a try. Anything to save my marriage to Xavier, to me, was worth the try.

Anna and Selina assisted me passionately.

They prepared my dress, styled my hair and had my makeup done. My dress was very revealing and seductive nightwear.

My heart was already in my stomach as I made my way in the narrow hallway of the mansion. I headed directly to Xavier's study room.

I breathed in and out gently, then took a deep breath one last time. Gradually, I opened the door to Xavier's study and stepped in, gradually counting my steps like a model on a runway.

Xavier heard his door open. He looked up, his eyes fixed at the doorway. He couldn't help it but got lost as he looked into my revealing attire. But I could not really tell if his stare was the one to believe that he wanted me or the one to be afraid that I disgust him.

"What do you want?" he queried authoritatively but in a romantic kind of tone.

My heart was already racing very fast. Nervous, but I moved closer to him. I put my arms around him, allowing my breasts in contact with his chest. I went round him seductively, using my right hands to smooch his head.

Xavier's expression literally showed how unmoved and unimpressed he was with all the actions I was putting up.

"You're not serious," he said, his voice was so loud with no interest.

"I'm not interested," he added.

At this point, I was ready to be swallowed up by the ground. My pride vanished and I felt embarrassed.

"You're annoying!" I exclaimed, with so much rage.

The moment I thought would have been magical, eventfully unveiled as a myth.

Xavier's unapologetic utterances were cutting deep as they echoed in my thoughts.

"You're just another character in your father's story," he yelled.

"You're useless without him," he added.

My ears couldn't contain what I had just heard from who I thought was going to be my peace.

My eyes welled up with tears like the clouds about to give out rain.

I stumbled backward, staggering out of Xavier's study, feeling like I had been stabbed with a knife to my chest.

I mistakenly stepped on my gown and fell to the ground. I literally felt like the world had lost its gravity and everything around me was spinning.

Xavier was still not moved even when I fell to the ground. He didn't even move to help me. Instead, he returned to his table and the papers on it, asking me to shut the door behind me.

I was dumbfounded. I sobbed, helping myself from the ground as I found my way out of the study feeling more rejected and humiliated than ever.

So many questions were running through my mind.

I questioned my existence, my self-worth, my meekness, my affections and my strength.

As I lifted my head, I saw Thalia, staring from the hallway. Everything in me froze.