Chapter 3 Courage

Nysa

Oh God.

Sarai's tongue flicks against my clit with a precision that sends a jolt through me. "Aah..." My eyes roll back and a moan escapes my lips.

Her mouth moves with teasing strokes, building the pressure steadily before she sucks harder on my clit. My thighs clamp her head and my fingers dig into her head, pressing her closer, feeling every lick and swirl of her relentless tongue.

Her fingers inside me thrust deep, matching the rhythm of her tongue and I can feel myself getting close. My hips move on their own accord, desperate for more, for the release that is just out of reach.

Then it hits. My body arches as the orgasm crashes through me. My moans are loud as my body pulses, tightens, and trembles. But Sarai doesn't let up, her mouth and fingers still working me until I'm thoroughly spent.

She raises from between my legs, her eyes full of lust and her mouth and chin glistening with my juices. She raises her hand and sucks her fingers clean.

I smile as I caress her cheek and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "You did well, Sar, thank you."

"Anytime for you, Ny. Hope you're feeling better now," she replies.

Her words remind me of Maa. Muc. My desperation to be a High Warrior. I need to talk to her. "I do. I think I'm ready to go talk to Maa now," I breathe out, swinging my legs off the bed and standing up. I pull my trousers up to my waist and glance back at Sarai. She's sprawled on her stomach, legs folded up and swinging in the air, her hands propping her up.

She grins at me. "All the best."

I lean down and pop a kiss on her cheek. "See you later," I say, stepping outside.

The path home through the town is needlessly long so I cut through the forest. The evening air is cool and calming as I jog through the trail. Through the trees, my cottage appears and I pick up my pace.

I walk inside and Parry and Rupi, Maa's and my messenger parrots that are sat on their stands perk up. "Hello," I greet them.

"Hello," they greet simultaneously in the same voice.

I pause at the sight of Maa's bedroom door. All the tension in my muscles that Sarai helped me elevate returns. What if she shuts me down as always? What if it doesn't go well?

I pace outside her door.

"I'm not being a coward," I tell the parrots. They turn to each other in silent judgement.

I look at the rug covering the teak wood floor of our cottage's living space. It's made from the fur of a bear that Maa killed. Maa is... formidable. She is the leader of the two Matrikas who govern our island, Nari. The knowledge and power she possesses are unmatched. People often say she is blessed by the Gods.

The crackling of fire in the central clay chimenea snaps me out of my thoughts. The wall above it is covered with all of my life accomplishments: drawings, medals and trophies-all hung by Maa. But her most prized item on the wall is the canines of the first bear that I killed.

Despite her role in this world, she is my mother and she loves me very much. That has always been my biggest strength and is becoming the very thing driving us apart. Not anymore.

I look at her door again. Just do it, Nysa. You know you want this. You have trained for this. You are ready for the Muc. I raise my hand and knock.

"Come in," Maa says.

She stands in front of the mirror and is wrapping a muslin sheet around her chest.

At first glance, Maa seems calm, confident, and resolute. But the way a small crease forms between her eyebrows, her nose scrunches ever so slightly, and her lips press together, I know she is anxious. Of course, she is. Tonight is the night of the Muc.

"Let me help you." I take the muslin roll from her hands and wrap it around her.

I swallow. This is it. This is my chance. "Maa?"

She looks at my reflection in the mirror.

You can do it, Nysa. "Can I come with you?"

"We've already had this conversation, Nysa," she replies in a clipped tone that normally would end any further discussion. But not this time.

"That was a year ago. I have gotten much better since then. You've seen it. You know it. I'm ready."

"Hand me a pin," she says when I reach the end of the muslin sheet.

I press my lips together as I hand her a couple of pins from the dressing table. For a moment, I watch her struggle to fasten its end to the rest of the bodice. I sigh, take the pin from her hand, secure it for her, and then make sure to place enough pins to ensure the binder won't give.

Once that is done, Maa runs her fingers through her hair, which is just long enough for her to tuck behind her ears. She bunches it up, slices the ends with a pair of scissors and tosses the chopped-up bits into the bin. A satisfied look crosses her eyes as she weaves her fingers through her hair again.

Dozens of questions crowd my head. I bite the inside of my cheek.

She grabs a bottle of perfume and opens it. Instantly, the smell of damp soil after heavy rains envelops my senses. She rubs it on the sides of her neck, behind her ears, and on her wrist.

The Matrikas and the High Warriors always use scents with woodsy or musky tones for the night of the Muc. It must mean something.

"Is that what men smell like? The woods?" I ask.

She freezes for a moment before placing the bottle of perfume back on the dresser.

"Death is a man, Nysa." Her dark eyes meet mine. "Curiosity about him will lead you straight to his door."

How could that be true? All three Matrikas and the elders lived among men in Valoria for decades before they settled here and founded our female-only island, Nari. They are all alive and well. Two of the Matrikas journey back to Valoria twice a year during the night of the Muc, accompanied by a select six High Warriors-warriors they personally select and rigorously train for the mission. Their mission is to return with as many female newborns as they can rescue, and some supplies that we need. There have never been any casualties.

Since childhood, I've been curious about men and am so proud of the good we do that I decided I wanted to be a High Warrior. Since then, I have trained tirelessly to become worthy of the title. But no matter how good I am, Maa never deems me ready. The truth is that she is unwilling to risk my safety. Her overprotectiveness is suffocating me.

"And yet you disguise yourselves as men and go to Valoria twice a year. It cannot be that bad."

Maa looks at me in disbelief. She presses her lips together and turns away. Jerking open the chest at the foot of her bed, she pulls out the clothes that I have long assumed the army of Valoria wears- a dark blue t-shirt, pants in shades of navy, black, and grey, a matching jacket and black boots.

"I want to know the truth of the world we live in. You cannot shield everyone from what is out there forever."

Her jaw clenches as she pushes her trousers down her waist and then hastily wears the uniform of the Valorian army.

"Death might be a man, but he is also a part of life. He is the other half of the force of life-of a woman," I continue.

Her silence fuels the fire that has been steadily growing in me. I can't dismiss this brewing feeling in my stomach. Something is not right. I want to-no, I need to get to the bottom of it. The only place I can start is the problem that is right in front of me.

"Maa!" My fist slams down on the chest of drawers.

Maa's eyes snap to mine. I spot a sliver of fear in them before it is overshadowed by concern. "Your eyes. It's happening again."

I look into the mirror and my usual dark brown eyes have turned a deep shade of forest green. Veins, like tendrils of darkness, trace intricate patterns beneath my eyes, fading back into the skin around my cheekbones.

"Have you not been taking your medicine?" Maa asks.

The first time it happened, four months ago, I panicked, thinking a spirit had possessed me and I was dying or worse. Thank goodness Maa figured it out and calmed me down. She concocted an herbal mix that would prevent it from recurring. It only happened once after that when I ran out of the medicine.

"I have. Every morning mixed in warm water." I touch the skin under my eyes. My unease spreads. I look at Maa's reflection in the mirror. A ghost of a hand grips my throat and chokes it. I feel the need to drink water but I know from experience that it doesn't help.

"I think you should have it again."

My throat strains when I try to speak so I nod instead.

"Come, I'll make it for you."

My eyes flicker from green to dark brown and back. I force myself to look away from the mirror and follow Maa out. She quickly pours some water into a pot and places it on the fire in the chimenea. While the water heats up, she scoops out a spoonful of my medicine from its container and empties it into a bowl.

Once it warms up, she uses a thick cloth to take the pot out and pours some into the bowl. She mixes the concoction and hands it to me. "Drink," she says, her tone heavy with worry.

I grab the bowl, squeeze my eyes shut, hold my breath, and down the atrocious concoction. In a matter of minutes, the knot in my throat loosens.

"Let me know if it happens again, I might have to make changes to your dosage. But I will check and let you know." Maa squeezes my shoulder.

"What's happening to me, Maa?" This isn't normal. I have read every book there is in the library on illnesses and found nothing. Only Maa seems to know what is wrong with me and it is one of the many things she keeps to herself.

"You're going to be alright, Nysa," she says. "But I think you should stay at home tonight. It will be best if you don't come see us off in the evening." So that people don't see you like this. "Get some rest instead," she adds, her tone gentle.

I want to argue but I understand. I wrap my arms around her. "Take care of yourself, Maa. Come back home to me."

She rubs my back. "Always," she says and kisses my cheek.

So, I stay at home instead of going to the dock to see them off like everyone else.

I nudge the ground with a toe, making the hammock sway. I look at the silhouette of the tree above my head, its branches reaching out like an evil witch's fingers toward the night sky. It is almost as if they are trying to reach for the stars but they never could.

My thoughts wander before they end up on the topics they always do. Muc. Men. Valoria.

To ensure their safety, the Matrikas and High Warriors disguise themselves as men before traveling to Valoria. This is where my image of men comes from: they have short hair, lack breasts, and, from my observations of mammals, possess a penis instead of a vagina. They might also be larger than us. When I ask about their nature, I only get the phrase all the Matrikas repeat in response: 'Death is a man, and curiosity about him will lead you straight to his door.'

The secrecy and non-replies are starting to irk me.

I hear a distinct crunch in the undergrowth and it startles me. I stop the hammock. Our cottage is on the outskirts of town so it isn't uncommon for an animal to wander into the backyard. It is mostly deer, raccoons or foxes. An occasional badger. I don't worry about them much.

The animals that I do keep an eye out for are the bigger predators. We have a pack of wolves, a few mountain lions, and bears living in the forest. Although they usually stay deep within the woods and avoid the human settlements, one can never be too sure.

The snapping of a twig puts me on high alert. Only a large animal with substantial body weight would make a sound like that. My hand instinctively reaches for the bow that I always keep by the hammock. The feeling of the smooth wood against my palm is calming.

A current of excitement races through my veins. The possibility of getting to kill something big is enticing.

Quietly, I slide off the hammock and pick up my quiver. I take a look. It is fully stocked. Perfect. Slinging the strap across my chest, I look around.

The backyard is an expansive open space, bordered by bushes and trees that gradually thicken the farther you venture from the cottage. The crunch I heard came from the east and the current position of the moon gives me better visibility. Perfect.

I can tell that the animal is trying to be light on its feet but I am one of the best huntresses of Nari. It isn't going to surprise me. I nock an arrow and aim it towards the general direction of the sound.

Half a minute later, I hear a low, rumbling grunt. Then, a few leaves rustle and I spot a bush tremble. I refocus my aim and release the arrow.

I wait for a cry. A whimper. A howl. Something.

All I hear is a deep grunt. "Aahh! Fuck!"

What is that? No animal makes that kind of sound.

A moment later, a large figure stumbles out of the shadows of the woods and falls to its hands and knees on the open ground of my backyard. That's definitely a human.

She has short, light hair and a back that is wide and muscular, almost unnaturally so. She collapses on the ground.

That's odd. My arrow has only nicked her arm.

I move closer. I have never seen a woman this big before. I didn't think it was even possible.

Thick, wavy hair sticks to her head and the back of her neck. Her tanned skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat and she is shivering. A bloodied rag is wrapped around her forearm. The skin around it looks angry and swollen. That's not good.

I kneel down and tap her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" Her skin is burning hot. I don't know who she is or what has happened to her but one thing is clear-she needs urgent medical help.

She groans as she rolls onto her back. Her eyes are half open and her cheeks are flushed.

Something isn't right. She has large, round shoulders, an oddly shaped chest, and hard, defined abs. The piece of animal skin wrapped around her hips has come undone, displaying two 'V' shape indents along the lower part of her torso that point towards a-

I gasp.