Chapter 1

My prenatal check-up was scheduled for ten, and I felt a knot in my stomach that had nothing to do with the baby.

Mark, my husband, the town' s Fire Captain, was suddenly swamped.

"Major training exercise, Sarah," he'd said over a hurried breakfast, not meeting my eyes, "Can't get out of it."

Then Jessica Evans called, her voice sweet like cheap candy.

"Sarah, honey, I heard Mark's tied up, I can totally take you to Dr. Ramirez."

Jessica, Mark' s childhood friend, always a little too close, a little too present in our lives.

The dread was a cold thing spreading through my chest because I remembered.

I remembered this day, this offer, from before.

In my first life, Jessica drove.

Her smile was wide, her eyes bright as she chatted about the animal shelter she volunteered at.

Then, the highway, the glint of the sun on an oncoming semi-truck.

Jessica' s hands jerked the wheel of the SUV, a sharp, deliberate movement.

I screamed, fumbling for my phone, dialing Mark.

He was a hero then, or so I thought.

He pulled me from the twisted metal, a frantic, desperate rescue.

Our baby, a boy, was saved, a tiny miracle amidst the horror.

Jessica died at the scene, or so it appeared.

Mark held me, feigned sympathy, but a new coldness settled in his eyes.

He blamed me, a silent, festering resentment.

I saw it in the way he looked at our son, in the way he barely touched me.

The memory tightened, sharp and painful.

I was back in our kitchen, the phone pressed to my ear, Jessica' s cheerful voice waiting for my answer.

"That would be great, Jessica," I heard myself say, my voice a stranger's, "Thanks."

The words felt like ash in my mouth.