Chapter 7 007

"Being a problem was never my style," I mutter hollowly, looking into the dark at something more than the world just flashing by. "Oh, you were a problem. Not ours, though. And it would be better for the rest of us if you caused your father more anguish. "Stop it," I mumble. I'd rather not hear about it any longer. Is that what mafia men think of me? Was the girl unsuited to the family? The person who couldn't bear it? "As I previously stated, I have moved past all of that and will not be revisiting it at this time. I left that place, and I'm not- My gaze shifts to the road in front of us.

If I like it or not, I'm going back there. I believed I had succeeded. I have a life at last. companions. I attended art school, and prominent galleries have my artwork on display. My pleasure in my work was somewhat undermined by the reality that my father simply developed my talent in order to use it to launder his money on pricey artwork. Salvatore goes on to say, conversationally, "I always wondered how he fucked up on you so badly," revealing and exposing my greatest fears with the most casual, dispassionate remarks. "He could have made you one of us for twenty years." I mutter, "He tried." Salvatore glances me over, and I know precisely what he sees-he failed. I was incredibly impressionable and vulnerable from the time I was a young child. He made an effort to fortify me. He made every effort to get me to follow in his footsteps. My tender heart was viewed as a flaw or illness. Something that required care and adjustment. He took my mother away from me after blaming her for it. I was just eight years old. By the time I was twelve, she had overdosed. None of it helped me become his perfect ruthless little princess. There are moments when I imagine how much simpler my life would have been if I had simply been harsh. If I were capable of that. For a while, two strangers having nothing else to say to one another, we smoke in quiet. A gentle rain falls, beating its fingers on the hood of the automobile. We travel through what feels like a dream but is actually a nightmare. It surprises me that I don't feel really scared. Perhaps it's the drink, or perhaps my spirit is empty and I've ran out of things to feel for the day. I regret ever entering that club tonight and I dread the mayhem that will ensue, but I don't fear him as much as I should. I believe my fear of myself outweighs my fear of him. When my father learns, I wonder what he will do. If Salvatore doesn't pursue me, will he care? What if he simply leaves me here with him? Does the madman only like me because he knows I'm not his? So what happens to me? I suppress the racing whirl of my mind. This will be fixed by my father. Somehow, he'll come save me. Even though he isn't a good man or a hero, he is still my father. His pride prevents him from simply abandoning me. All I have to do is survive long enough for that to happen. "You have nothing to miss out on, do you?" His sharp query blossoms in the darkness as he asks abruptly. Quick and unexpected, the words slide between my ribs and pierce my heart like a switchblade. The only reason it hurts is that it's true. I don't respond to him. I simply watch the outer world pass by like a faded, old movie. The quiet is plenty. "Good," he murmurs, his thick voice rumbling with satisfaction. His fingers knot in my hair, pushing my scalp taut to drag my gaze up to his-just enough that it almost aches. Burning in one other's warmth, we gaze into each other's faces. His rage meets mine. "There is no room for anything else with me." It's untrue. I had it everything. It was the first time I felt normal. Although I no longer had my father's wealth or influence, I also no longer had his shadow hanging over me. I had a job, a small apartment, and a few typical friends- In the smoky back seat of the automobile, Salvatore Mori gives me my first kiss while I fight back tears. It doesn't matter-not with him-that I don't want to kiss him back. As if he were claiming my soul, he gives me a kiss. My former existence disappears in the rearview mirror as the car drives on into the city.