Chapter 5 The club

The mirror didn't recognize me.

Or maybe... I didn't recognize myself.

The girl staring back at me had red-rimmed eyes that no amount of foundation could erase, lips bitten raw from days of silence, and a hollowness in her gaze that hadn't been there before.

But beneath it all, I could see the flicker of someone else. Someone is trying to claw her way out of grief, even if only for one night.

The black leather dress clung to my body like it had been poured onto me, short, sleeveless, and backless. A far cry from the soft pastels I usually wore. It wasn't me. Not really. But maybe tonight, I didn't want to be me.

I slid on the silver heels, their stiletto tips sharp enough to draw blood. My purse matched, tiny, glittering, and impractical. Just like this entire night.

I brushed my fingers through my hair, letting the soft brown waves fall down my back in loose, effortless curls. It had taken twenty minutes to get them to look like I didn't try. That was the magic, wasn't it? Pretend you don't care. Pretend you're okay. Pretend you're not breaking.

A knock came at my door just as I applied the final touch, a subtle red gloss that shimmered against the low lighting of my vanity.

"Open up, hot girl," Lana's voice called from the hallway. "I swear if you've chickened out..."

I opened the door.

She blinked, stepping back. "Holy... damn."

I gave a small smile, more of a twitch than anything. "Is it too much?"

"It's perfect." She paused. "You look dangerous."

I swallowed. "Good."

Because I was tired of looking soft. Tired of being the girl who waited for love and kindness from people who only knew how to disappoint.

I grabbed my purse and followed Lana down the hallway. The house echoed with silence behind us.

No father. No mother. No one advised me to be careful. No one to ask where I was going or what I was feeling.

Just me... and the decision to stop feeling like a ghost.

As we got into her car and Lana blasted her favorite playlist, I let the music drown the ache in my chest. Outside, the city lights glittered like stars that had fallen just for me. Maybe tonight I won't cry. Maybe tonight I'd dance. Maybe tonight, I'd pretend I didn't need anyone.

But under the leather and the heels and the lip gloss, the ache was still there.

It hadn't gone anywhere.

I just didn't want it to win.

Not tonight.

The club pounded with life, bass thudding like a second heartbeat in my chest, lights flashing in multicolored chaos. The second we stepped in, all eyes turned.

I felt them. The stares.

But they didn't burn me tonight.

They fed me.

Lana smirked as we walked in, her arm brushing against mine. "Told you, babe. You're a whole damn storm."

She winked at me, and I couldn't help the faint curve of my lips. Something about walking beside her, head high, hips swaying, heels clicking like war drums made me feel invincible.

Or maybe just numb.

We headed straight for the bar, and the bartender took one look at us and handed over two glasses like he already knew what kind of night this would be.

"Drink now. Regret later," Lana said, clinking her glass against mine.

I drank.

The burn felt good. Like a punishment I didn't know I needed.

After a while, Lana laughed and tugged at my arm. "I see a fine one," she whispered. "Don't wait up."

I watched her dance her way into the crowd, instantly catching the attention of a tall guy with too many tattoos and not enough rhythm. She didn't care. Lana danced like no one had ever broken her.

I stood near the bar, alone with a glass of wine in hand and silence in my heart.

The room spun a little, people swaying and twisting under the haze of lights. My eyes followed Lana, smiling faintly as she threw her head back in laughter. She deserved that. She deserved more than just watching me fall apart.

Then someone came too close.

A guy, early twenties, maybe. Blonde, slouched, eyes glassy with booze and something else I didn't want to know. He reeked of sweat and cheap whiskey.

"Hey, baby," he slurred, too close, too familiar. "You're lookin' like a whole ass meal."

My stomach turned.

I stepped back. "Not tonight."

"Aww, come on, don't be like..."

I shoved past him before he could finish. My heels clicked against the sticky floor, heart racing not from fear but from rage. Not him. Not now. Not when I was trying so hard to breathe again.

More drinks came.

Cocktails I couldn't name. Shots I didn't count. Wine that bled down my throat like ink on forgotten pages.

At some point, the music felt like a lullaby, and the room stopped spinning. Or maybe I was spinning with it.

I looked around for Lana, blinking through the haze, but she was gone.

Figures.

She was probably in some dark corner making out with Mr. Tattooed Stranger. I didn't blame her. She deserved her distraction.

I needed mine, too.

So I walked out.

The night air slammed into my skin like ice, sobering and stinging all at once. My dress clung to me tighter, the breeze brushing my legs like whispers from a ghost.

It felt better out here.

No one was looking. No one was laughing. Just me and the world and the sound of my heels echoing against empty sidewalks.

I walked without knowing where I was going. Past neon signs. Past strangers who didn't know my name or my heartbreak. Past the echo of Julian's voice in my head.

For once... silence.

I smiled.

Not a real one. Not happy. Just... free.

And then I reached the zebra crossing.

The light was red, but I didn't notice.

I just kept walking. One step. Then another.

Until headlights blinded me.

A car was coming fast.

But I didn't move.

I didn't scream.

I just stared, frozen in place, eyes locked on the glow as it grew closer, like maybe if I stood still long enough, everything inside me would stop hurting.

Like maybe the pain would vanish with the impact.

I didn't want to die.

Not really.

But I didn't want to feel anymore, either.

Not like this.

Not so empty.

The car horn blared.

And everything slowed down.