Chapter 7 HE CAN'T BE

(Seraphina Parker)

My bone cracked from tiredness as I lifted April from the sofa in the sitting room.

I managed to carry him all the way to his room and onto his bed. April had added a good amount of weight since the last time I carried him.

His sleeping face was peaceful. Flexing my shoulders, I thought to myself, He's growing well as I covered him carefully with a blanket.

Tiptoeing out of April's room, I thought to call Becca.

The tiredness I felt was crippling, and I knew sleep was what I needed, but the weight of Elian's reaction tore through my chest like claws.

How he stammered through his next sentence after discovering April, the coldness and uncertainty in his voice, then suddenly ending the call with an excuse about having to attend to an emergency.

I slumped against April's door, the hard polished wood pressing into my back. I drew in a shaky breath, then let it out slowly.

Then, my phone began to ring somewhere in the apartment. I jolted back from my sea of thoughts.

Elian? My heart leapt. Please let it be Elian, I thought, stepping forward to find my phone only to be pulled back almost immediately.

The belt hole of my nightdress jacket had gotten tangled with the door handle. I sighed and freed it from the hook.

I raced to the center table in the sitting room, the last place I had dropped my phone. Picking it up, It wasn't Elian. Just Becca.

My heart sank, the excitement draining into a quiet, familiar disappointment. Still, my chest rose and fell from the short burst of movement.

With a trembling finger, I clicked on the receiver to accept the call.

Becca's voice came on. "Hello, girl!" she squeaked, lively into my ears.

I managed a smile, sinking into my favorite couch. My spirit was drained. I really thought it was him calling.

Still, I needed to talk to somebody. I would have called Becca anyway.

Snuggling my legs together on the chair and clearing my voice away from the receiver, I returned her greeting.

"Hello, Becca".

"Are you good?" she asked, but there was a crack in her voice with the last word.

Seizing that opportunity, I ignored the question. I wasn't fine, but I didn't want to admit it.

"Are you there?" Becca's voice echoed again through the speaker.

I threw my head back, fighting back the tears threatening to escape my eyes.

"I can hear you, Bee", I managed to respond, trying not to let my mood show.

"You don't sound too good, Phee"

I transferred the phone to my other hand before replying, "I don't think he wants April"

There was silence from Becca's end for a few seconds.

My breathing was heavy. My chest burned. I adjusted on my seat, snuggling my legs closer to myself.

Becca finally replied, "Do you want me to come to you right now?"

My eyes instinctively turned to the clock on the wall in front of me. What was she on about?

"It's almost 12 a.m., Becca. Would you check your time before making requests you wouldn't be able to live up to?" I sighed into the phone.

"I know it's late, honey. But you come first", she replied in a faux deep voice, clearly trying to sound like a man.

I was too late to stop the smile already stretching across my lips.

"Don't say that!" I screamed, then remembered I had a child sleeping in one of the rooms. I quickly covered my mouth with both hands.

Too late. The sound had already escaped.

I glanced toward April's room. I listened.

No sound.

He was still asleep.

All I could hear was Becca laughing wildly from the other end of the call. She wasn't going to give up, I concluded.

"I will break the sound barriers for you", we said in unison, laughing hard through it.

It was our favorite line from the show, Red, White, and Royal Blue.

Becca, for some reason, found it very amusing. We had resorted to throwing random jokes about it ever since.

Choking from stifling my laughter, I hurried away from the sitting room to the kitchen, farther from April, so as not to wake him.

I burst out laughing as soon as I stepped in, the kitchen door muffling my voice.

"Alex Claremont-Diaz is crazy for that", Becca screamed, her sentence punctuated with bouts of laughter.

"It isn't funny", I replied, still laughing and leaning against the kitchen counter.

"It is!" Becca insisted, struggling to catch her breath.

"At least you've had a good laugh now", she continued.

I rubbed my eyes with my fingers. I truly felt a bit better now. Becca was such a sweet soul.

"I feel better. I love you, Bee", I replied.

"You know what? I love you too", she said, raising her voice slightly at the second part of the sentence.

"So... you think he doesn't want April?" she continued, the worry slowly creeping back into my heart.

"You know... April came up in our conversation. It wasn't planned. It just came up".

My breathing gagged. I swallowed hard.

"And his reaction to finding out I had a child wasn't the best", I finished, shutting my eyes tightly at those words that reminded me of the switch in Elian's countenance this afternoon.

"How do you feel?" Becca continued.

I could sense the care in her voice, but something else came with it.

"Did he speak to you about it?" I asked, rubbing one leg against the other to ease the cramp I felt before heading back to the living room.

There was a pause.

Silence.

More silence.

"Becca? Did he say something to you?" I spoke again, my voice giving away my impatience.

"He did. That's why I called", Becca replied, her voice almost a whisper.

"You know you can decide not to choose him if you're not comfortable with his attitude, right?"

A sharp pounding formed in my skull, shooting needles through my head.

Pressing down on that area, I finally told Becca.

"My son needs his father"

"I know April needs a fa...Wait! Whattt!!!"

"Yes, he is", I answered her next question even before she could ask it.

"No, Bee. No, he can't be. I think you're making a mistake somewhere"