Chapter 2 2

Her thoughts came to a halt immediately when the bus arrived at the train station. The sun came out early today. The warmth she felt when she stepped down from the bus made her wish she was back home with her grandma, reading a book in their beautiful garden and eating one of Nana's freshly baked cookies with a glass of juice.

The train ride was going very smoothly. Clara brought out a novel by ''Jane Reves' to read but soon fell asleep.

It was a long ride.

She arrived at her mother's house and was ushered into a room. It was a cold room. Just like the one at the orphanage. Poorly furnished with a very dim light which was only put on at night. There was no bedside table, no flower pot with flowers placed on the window sill like in her room back home. She heard her door open and from the silhouette of the shadow coming towards her, she was sure it was a female. Her mum had finally come to welcome her. Suddenly, the shadow was carrying a stick and the hand raised up to hit her with that stick. She rolled over to avoid being hit and woke up suddenly realizing it was a dream. She was still on the train on her way to meet her.

Clara could not read or sleep after that bad dream. She kept wondering what that dream was trying to tell her. She tried concentrating on the scenery outside. The train was going too fast now, and so she could not focus.

Every passenger on the train seemed to either be chatting with another passenger or reading a book. The rest, she observed, had fallen asleep.

Her mind wandered back to the orphanage. The matron of the orphanage hated her and did little to hide her feelings, so the other kids took advantage of this and made her the laughingstock. They played hurtful games on her and ensured the matron used her as a scapegoat always.

She remembered cleaning toilets late into the night while others were either reading, playing pranks or asleep.

Karen was her name. She was the leader of the lot. Both the boys and the girls feared her. There was a rumour then that she had super powers and could make any child in the orphanage bleed to death.

Clara was three years old when it dawned on her that Karen hated her and was going to make her life in the orphanage miserable.

The matron may have heard and believed those rumors too, because she always granted Karen her every wish. Clara always thought.

''Your bed sheet is wet, Kas.'' That was the name they called her at the orphanage. Her so-called mother hadn't even bothered to give her a name before leaving her on the orphanage staircase. Some had their names pinned on them when dropped by mostly teenage mothers. ''Did you wet your bed again?'' ''I, I..." was all Clara was able to mutter still wondering how the puddle of water on her bed came about when the door opened sharply. The matron had come in just then to see the pool of water Karen had planted on her bed. She immediately grabbed her hair and shoved her into the nearest wardrobe, locking her in and instructing no one to open it until she gave permission.

She could hear the other children laughing and wondered when she would be let out of the cupboard.

That was just the beginning of so many incidences that became a lifestyle for her at the orphanage.

''What kind of name is Kas?'' She heard one of the girls yell the moment she entered the dining room one day.

She had just turned 6 years old.

Birthdays were not celebrated at the orphanage because who knew the correct ages of the children, anyway. However, for those that did not have the luxury of their parents writing a little about them before rejecting them for life, your birthday was given from the day you were dumped there.

She attempted to ignore her. It was Liya, one of Karen's friends, and she was in no mood that day. She had stayed up cleaning the night before and just wanted to sit alone and eat.

She had hardly reached her table when Karen dragged her back with her hair, demanding she explain how she came about the name 'Kas.'

In truth, if she had the answer she would have just said it because all she wanted was peace and quiet.

Kas and Liya took turns hitting her after pushing her to the floor for daring not to respond.

Her body by now was all covered with scars and bruises from previous fights. Not fights actually, but beatings she got from either the matron or some of the other kids.

In one of those beatings, Karen had hit her head on the wall, making her pass out.

She had woken up about four hours later to find herself in the orphanage sickbay.

''Kas! Thank God you are awake. What happened this time? Seems you slipped on the staircase or something.'' The matron's voice was soft and gentle for the very first time. The nurse present had looked at her pitifully but could not make out what would have actually happened.

That night she was made to stay awake and wash all the dirty dishes used in the orphanage for dinner. Nothing had changed.

She recalled the matron's harsh voice, ''Kas you are an omen for me in this orphanage. If by your next birthday no one adopts you, I just may do away with you myself.'' Her head ached from the bruise on her head so she did not bother thinking of what that meant while she struggled with the dishes. However, every night in bed she thought of what the matron had said and prayed she will be adopted soon. She had various imaginations of what might happen to her if she was not.

Then the nightmares started and this time she did not need Karen to plant water on her bed. She actually started bedwetting every night.

As the train gradually started slowing down, she continued with her thoughts.

Her bedwetting and waking up every child in her dormitory from shouts due to her nightmares brought the full wrought of the matron on her.

The other children also hated her for making them lose some of their precious sleep and inflicted more pain on her in any way they could.

Just when she thought it couldn't get worse, her grandma came for her exactly on her seventh birthday.

She could still remember that day vividly.

''Yes that's the one. She's the one I want to adopt. That's my grandchild''.

''Are you sure ma'am?'' Matron had asked. She had a frown on her face. ''Are you sure this is your grandchild? She hadn't expected anyone to show up. It was like a miracle. Clara thought and shifted in her seat to get comfortable.

''If she is the child my daughter dropped on your staircase seven years back at about ten in the evening, then I am sure. I want her. Process all the papers.''

Clara had been summoned into the matron's office. A very untidy office with papers scattered everywhere. Her previous visits to the matron's office were not good stories to tell. She recalled being spanked in that same office several times.

The other children were in the classrooms that day, but she had never been allowed to attend any classes. It was a punishment for her bedwetting.

Nana had looked down at her intently and looked at her all over after that, and she could see tears build up in her grandma's eyes.

Some of her bruises were still fresh. No one needed to explain to her what Clara had been through.

Nana had later told her several years later, on her tenth birthday to be precise, that she knew she was the one immediately she saw her. She was a brunette, which was common among the women in the family. Her beautifully sculpted face reminded her so much of Vivian, her daughter.

The train finally came to a stop.

Remembering her years in the orphanage, Clara felt her heart burn with hatred. This hatred was not for the matron, neither was it for Karen and the other orphans who had tormented her daily for many years, even after leaving the orphanage. This hatred was for 'her', the woman her grandmother called her mother. Clara stood for a while and took a deep breath to help reduce the sudden pain piercing through her.

She had a few things to tell her once she met her today. Clara began preparing a list in her mind of what she was going to tell her so-called mother.

Clara did not care if that would make her send her back to Nana.

Thinking about it now, that was exactly what she wanted she thought to herself.