Chapter 2 THE RESTROOM WAILS

I don't know how long I stood lost in my own thoughts in that hospital room. But I knew that the weight in my chest was heavier than what I could carry.

My legs were trembling under me even while I made the affirmations and vows. My mouth was dry and my eyes were as though they'd been holding back a flood since the day my father left this wicked world.

Now, my mom? Of all people? To have cancer?

I didn't wait to hear anything more from what the doctors had to say. I slowly excused myself like a coward and ran straight to the nearest restroom.

I didn't care to check if it was for the ladies or for the gentlemen..

I just needed to breathe, I needed to break down because I have been acting too strong lately.

As soon as I entered, the cold tiles hit my knees before I could even lock the door.

I slumped to the ground, hands covering my face, my whole body was shaking. I wailed.

I wailed the kind of cry that rips your soul open. The kind of cry that turns you into an animal- groaning, panting, gasping.

The doctor's voice still echoes in my head...

"Mrs Kings, you've been diagnosed with cancer. I am so sorry"....

"Not a fever, not malaria, not an over the counter kind of illness but the fucking bloody cancer!!! For real?"

"We are poor! I am fatherless, she is a widow, no helper, nothing and you come out of your fucking office to diagnose her of cancer? To literally tell me my mum is dying right in my face?" I mumbled while hitting the wall..

"God, why now? What have I done to deserve such punishments... you are so cruel you know that right? Haven't we suffered enough? You want me to be an orphan in this lonely world?"...

My voice echoed inside the restroom like it was mocking me. I didn't even hear the tap running, I didn't realize someone else was in there. Until I heard a quiet voice...

"Hey... are you okay?"... I froze.

I wiped my face quickly with the back of my palm and looked up.

A woman, tall, fair skinned, maybe in her early thirties....wearing a white coat with 'Dr. Vanessa's embroidered in a small blue thread. Beneath the coat was a well made blue scrub.

For a moment, I wished I was a doctor, just for that scrub... I loved it.

Her face was neat on a peach transparent glass. She looked like someone who doesn't cry. Who had all she wanted at her beck and call. Her aura gave rich and classy.

"Sorry", I mumbled, trying to stand..

"I didn't mean to cause a scene"...

"No, no".. she said quickly and politely, crouching a little.

"It's okay... you are human and we have emotions. What happened?"...

I looked down again... I didn't want to talk. I didn't know who she was. What if she laughed? What if she was the type that judged people who didn't have anything? So I shook my head and replied, "Nothing... I'm fine"...

She titled her head.. "You are clearly not fine... are you sure about that?"...

I simply nodded.

"Okay...that's fine. You don't have to tell me. I just.... I heard you crying and I wanted to check on you"...

There was a silent pause...One of those awkward pauses..

Then, her voice softened a little more...

"Were you just in room 108?"...

I blinked, how did she know?

I can't remember seeing her with the other doctors.

"Is she your mother?"

"Yes, she is mother"...

"I see".. she nodded quietly. "I'm so sorry...really sorry about the news"...

Her tone made me glance at her again properly and the tears I was holding back fell down my face. She was gentle, empathetic and I was sure that came from her heart.

But I don't know why...why I felt like I didn't need more pity.

I was tired of being the one receiving the empathies, the sympathieties and the pity from others.

I managed a weak nod, sniffed and tried to wipe my smot from my nose without looking disgusting.

"She's all I have".. I said, my voice cracking.

Dr. Nessa nodded, "Life isn't fair sometimes. It is infact cruel to some of us, if not all and believe me I am not an exception"...

That sentence felt like a slap. I hated hearing that. Because I knew it. I lived it but hearing it from someone who looked like they had everything made it worse.

I stood up properly now and rinsed my face at the sink beside her. My eyes met hers in the mirror for the first time. Her eyes were also red.

Had she been crying?... or was it the water?

"Are you okay too?"... I asked, in a low tone.

She chuckled lightly, but it was hollow.

"I'm fine. Just a long boring and stressful day".

That was the end of our chat...

She dried her hands and walked towards the door. But just before she left, she turned and asked, "what's your name, young lady?"...

"Haven".... I replied, without thinking or blinking.. "Haven Kings"...

Her expression twitched. Just for a little moment. Almost like she recognized the name.

"Kings... hmmm? Same surname as his..." she mumbled.

While I nodded slowly... "Who?"

"Oh... never mind".. she cleared her throat and gave a small reassuring smile.

"Take care if yourself, Haven"

And with that, she left....

I just stood there, confused.

"What was she talking about. Who? My dad?"...

But I didn't think too deep. My heart had bigger issues. When I stepped out of the restroom, the world suddenly felt louder and heavier.

I dragged my body back to where my mother was lying, tubed running through her nose, the machines already beeping and infusion fluids connected.

A weak smile barely tugging her lips as she saw me return...

"Baby".. she said, her voice faint. "Where did you go?"...

I took her hand and smiled. I just needed some air and wash my face as well. You look beautiful, mum"

She smiled faintly, "Even now?"...

"Always..." I whispered to her just as my father does everyday. And I meant it.

I left her to rest while my mind kept spinning.

"Rent was due. Hospital bills are coming, chemotherapy would start soon and I couldn't even afford a painkiller".

I was tired, tired of burying my people, tired of crying in the hospital restrooms, tires of being strong even when I had no strength left.