Chapter 5 Unspoken Decisions

CHAPTER FIVE

He couldn't help himself; he carried her to the room where they had almost been intimate, but was jolted back to reality by the sound of a fork clattering to the ground. She picked it up immediately and gave him a playful wink.

He smiled to himself and whispered, "What is wrong with me? Could what Charlie's been saying be true? Am I in love with her? Why the hallucination ?"

He knew he needed to start a conversation rather than sit there in silence.

"What should I say? Should I ask her about the guy she kissed the other day? I really need to know... Why is she so calm?" His face fell, making him look pale and ill.

They ate in silence, as usual, only exchanging nods. He departed without mentioning his plans.

****

He finally arrived at his holiday house, his first apartment after leaving Mrs. Jenny. He had called it his "holiday house" after moving to town.

Outside the apartment, nostalgia hit him. The warm weather embraced him as he walked toward his car, started the engine, and drove off.

His phone beeped with a message from Charlie:

"Open the glove box."

He did and found a note that read:

"Santa lives in Canada. They even have Rudolph here. We'll be there this Christmas with hot guys next to us!"

He smiled, a sense of fulfillment washing over him.

Driving faster now, he screamed, "Let's live my life for once!" He tried not to spoil the moment by forcing himself to believe that everything was fine.

****

Tuesday arrived too quickly, leaving him lingering in bed, unsure of what to wear or how to control his emotions toward Casser. He longed to hold her, to wrap his arms around her.

He glanced at the calendar and realized that two months had passed without him telling Casser about his plan to leave the country.

His feelings had grown uncontrollable, but he had always pretended to be calm. He didn't want to hurt her.

She had no one else to speak to but him. Leaving now would be the worst thing that could happen to her. But when he thought of Charlie, he reconsidered and promised to be courageous.

"One can survive without others, no matter the situation," he reminded himself.

As he walked into the apartment, he felt something different, as if something was missing.

He asked, "What happened?" but she only responded with a wink.

The familiar cold scent of her apartment was gone. Instead, he saw a fragile face, someone forcing out a smile. It wasn't the calm, composed lady he was used to seeing.

He thought about what had happened. Why the emptiness? He realized that someone else had visited the apartment.

Someone she wasn't comfortable with, someone who had left her in shock. A business card was left on the table, unnoticed by her.

"Was it her ex? The one who kissed her the other day? Or had her husband come back to beg for forgiveness?" he wondered, staring at her as she carefully placed the food on the table and bowed.

"How should I tell her? I can't just say it," he thought, turning to the plant he had become attached to.

****

"I saw it five years ago. It was so small back then. The funniest part is, it doesn't grow fast, but now, look at it," he said, gesturing with his hands. Charlie watched in complete silence.

Charlie had returned from Canada to check on things because he had overstayed his visit.

Their plan was for him to move to Canada last month, but he kept making excuses. Tired of it, Charlie had come to warn him not to disrupt their dreams over a stranger, someone Charles knew nothing about, except for the information on the contract.

Her words stung, but Charles was willing to give everything up for Casser. He had longed to stay with her, and now, more than ever, she needed him especially since her brutal ex had returned.

She made him promise to break up with her during their next meeting.

The day arrived, and he wore flashy clothes, wanting to make the occasion feel special. But she wasn't herself. Something was off. Has she been pressured? Maltreated? Her appearance and actions made her seem indecisive.

"She looks so pale... How can I hurt a sick person?" he said softly, pitying her.

They didn't speak. The quietness hung heavy in the air, each sound of the wind, the clinking of plates and forks echoing around them. But neither moved, neither spoke.

"She looks so pale... How would you want me to hurt a sick person?" she suddenly yelled at Charlie, causing his face to scrunch in confusion.

"Tell me the truth, do you really want to break up with her? You better accept your feelings," she added, devastated.

"Oh, how you wish," he said, walking away.

"I'll do it on Saturday," he added quietly.

Saturday came too quickly, and Charles, torn between canceling the contract and his attachment to her, questioned whether it was worth it.

He had become too attached to leave now, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was making a mistake.

He arrived at her place, but the routine repeated itself. He couldn't utter the words. He had practiced them over and over, but it was as if his voice had disappeared. After multiple failed attempts, he gave up.

Casser promised to prepare salmon for their next meeting, his favorite dish and it flattered him. He completely forgot about his plans, looking forward to their next visit instead.

****

"So, how did she react?" Charlie asked, believing Charles had called off the contract.

"I couldn't break her heart," Charles replied, his face glowing with warmth as he smiled. "She promised to make salmon, and you know how much I love it."

"Whatever. You love her so much," Charlie said, giving him a mocking look.

"I can't hold back on salmon," Charles said, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

A new month arrived, and Casser continued to make excuses, defending her actions. Charlie, frustrated, planned to meet with Casser. He was ready to blame her for holding him back, for destroying his life, and for cutting off his future.

Charles' phone rang. The number was unrecognized.

"Hello, who is it?" he asked, curiosity piqued.

"It's Jimi," the caller replied, trying to speak freely.

"I guess you don't know you can't call after our contract ends," Charles said, fuming.

"I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry my daughter was teased for only having a mother," Jimi said, trying to sound pitiful.

"Be nice to your daughter. I'm hanging up and blocking your number," Charles said angrily.

"I want to sign another contract," Jimi said hesitantly.

"So you want me to become a father again?" Charles hissed.

"No, it's not about my daughter. My useless ex-husband keeps saying I can't remarry, so I want to shut him up," she responded, bitterness and arrogance in her tone.

"I don't accept that kind of request. Can't you live your life well? How about becoming a better person?" he snapped, hushing her.

"What?" she asked, burning with anger.

"Yes, then your daughter can enjoy living with you. You can brag about yourself, and your ex-husband will back off," Charles said coldly.

"How dare you lecture me! Do you always work like this?" she spat.

"No, only for someone like you," he replied before ending the call, blocking and deleting her number.

****

"My job doesn't make anyone feel good," Casser said to Dr. Jiang in class.

"I usually watch them plead, and whenever I talk, it doesn't end well. I don't know why. So, if I see them for a long time, I don't talk much," she added calmly.

"How about talking about yourself? It's also part of your work," Dr. Jiang suggested, smiling.

"I don't think anyone would like to hear about me," Casser murmured.

"I've always thought and have realised that you're not timid like others," Dr. Jiang replied.

"Was there a situation that made me timid?" Casser shot back, her eyes burning with intensity.

"In my opinion, I think you had trauma," Dr. Jiang said, staring fiercely at her, making Casser uncomfortable.

"Trauma?" she asked, surprised.

"It could be the environment or pain in past relationships causing an obsession," Dr. Jiang suggested, nodding.

"Do you have any good memories of relationships?" she asked plainly.

"I have none," Mrs Casser said, turning her face away.

"Why don't you get treatment instead of counseling?" Dr. Jiang asked, holding her hand.

"For someone truly important, I don't say anything," Casser said, her gaze intense.

"What if that person leaves? Do you erase their existence? Maybe, for now, you should say what the other person wants to hear," Dr. Jiang suggested.

Casser thought about it on her way home. She thought about trying something new with Charles, imagining how happy he would be. But her thoughts were interrupted by the radio, which announced the murder of a woman.

****

In Manhattan, yesterday morning, Susan, a woman in her 30s, was stabbed to death. The police are investigating. The victim lived in a multiplex housing where she worked.

Police said she was murdered on the stairs as she left the house. They have secured CCTV footage and are looking for the murderer. Meanwhile, her husband is being questioned as the first witness.

The news shook Casser. She had just gotten divorced, and her ex-husband had blamed and even threatened to kill her. Why would he turn himself in as the first witness? The thought lingered in her mind as she promised herself to seek justice.

****

"You're not quitting yet? Are you allergic to happiness?" Charlie's voice came through on a call to Charles as he headed to Casser's place.

Charles felt a little uncomfortable as he tried to speak but found no words.

"Living off self-pity... Keep living that way," Charlie said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You're making me angry. What can I do?" Charles replied, his voice calm but still fuming.

"You already did it. You gave me a chance to dump my new life, but it's okay," Charlie retorted.

Charles smiled with frustration, trying to understand her feelings.

"Living a hard life suits us better. I got nervous about us being happy but never knew you would turn it down," she said, trying to sound calm, but anger still lingered in her voice.

***

When Charles met with Casser, he felt terrible. Charlie's words still echoed in his mind. The pain and anger in her voice made him feel guilty. He searched for a better way to break the news.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are... Can I ever be like the star?" he muttered to himself, unaware he was speaking aloud.

"Is that a poem?" Mrs Casser asked, winking at him.

"Mrs Casser, you're talking about something else rather than is it hot? Would you like anything, or... are you saying no, you're okay? It's nice though," he said, his eyes sparkling as he gave a warm smile.

"Do you like it?" she asked shyly.

"If you ask me that, I would say a very big yes," Charles replied, his face beaming.

"But there are two more lines," she added.

"Please, go on," he said, eagerly nodding.

"Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. That's my favorite poem," she said, stuffing food into her mouth.

****

It was an unexpected moment, a time when she felt like a real person. His heart stopped, realizing she deserved a better life. She smiled to herself as she thought about it.

The day ended well for Charles, even though he was left to face Charlie at home. He didn't hesitate because, as long as Mrs Casser was happy, he was content.

On his way home, he thought of better ways to end the contract.

"The longer she spends her time with me, the more it'll only drag her down.

Charle's Espresso that was like a retirement ceremony for your odd job. The best present for your best client. Parting ways with her in a happy way," he thought, nodding.

****

"Please eat," Charles said, giving a slight bow.

"Thanks," Miss Casser said, nodding.

"Is it okay?" he asked, his curiosity piqued.

"It's delicious," she said, reaching for more.

"I'm glad," he said, relieved.

They ate in silence, but Charles exhaled loudly, catching her attention.

"May I say something?" he asked, his face serious.

"Yes, please," she snapped.

"Let's... Let's divorce. I mean, let's end this marriage," Casser said suddenly, staring intently at him.

****

Charles felt betrayed. "Why would she break up with me? What have I done?" he thought, feeling as though the world was against him. "I should have been the one to break up with her, not her with me."

He wondered if she had been threatened by someone. Or maybe she had reconciled with her ex. His thoughts swirled as he left without a word.

Despite his desire to break off the contract, he realized it wasn't from his heart. He had only planned to do it for Charlie's sake.